Stop Idolising Her: Why Putting Women on Pedestals Kills Attraction
Last night after filming with Nathalia, we went for food. She started opening up about something a lot of attractive women experience — that guys never try to move things forward physically. They all make her wait.
She’s a top model, and these men fall into the trap of thinking “she’s not like that.” They assume she’s pure or different. But in truth, most women in the Western world have had a one-night stand or a short-term relationship at some point. It’s not about whether she’s like that. It’s about the frame you project onto her.
She may say she’s not like that, but what do you expect her to say? She will not openly tell you she’s attracted to you in case it scares you off. So the idea that she’s “not like that” is mostly your own projection — often rooted in insecurity.
The Truth Is Three-Fold:
- You value her too highly, so you hold back out of fear of messing up. You think she’s pure. But that’s a fantasy you’ve created.
- You’re scared of rejection. So instead of being bold, you act submissive, overly nice, and hope for the best.
- You fear ruining your reputation by making a move and misreading the situation.
These are real emotional blocks. But if you keep acting the same way as most men do around attractive women, your dating life will continue to suffer.
Nathalia also said that guys are scared to kiss her. Some even ask her to kiss them first — which comes across as weak. Either they’re nervous, or they simply don’t know how to take the lead. I actually filmed a few videos with her yesterday to address this exact issue for men.
Why Men Get So Nervous Around Beautiful Women
When you put a woman on a pedestal, you’re not just admiring her beauty — you’re activating your evolutionary wiring. You’re placing her above you in the social hierarchy. And if it goes wrong, your nervous system responds as if you’re about to be cast out of the tribe.
That fear creates hesitation, self-doubt, and a lack of leadership.
Two Important Notes:
- Natural guys who are good with women have often been around attractive women from a young age — in bars, clubs, or the modelling industry. They’re desensitised. They don’t idolise women.
- The only way to overcome this is to stop idolising women. Stop believing the hype. Stop thinking she’s rare or sacred.
What you’re experiencing is just a biological trigger — but it can be broken.
Breaking the Spell of Beauty
Taoism, Buddhism, and even Tantra all offer meditation practices to break attachment. One simple exercise: imagine seeing through a woman’s skin into her organs. Another: go back to the first time you ever found a woman attractive, and consciously break the attachment to that moment.
Once you do this, her physical appearance no longer has power over you. You’re no longer triggered sexually by just her body. That means you can show up as a grounded man — not a desperate one.
How to Raise Your Self-Worth
The only way to stop feeling like this is to raise your self-esteem. You must begin to see yourself as equal — or ideally above the woman in the social hierarchy.
This is why women are drawn to so-called “arrogant” men. Those men value themselves more — and don’t get caught in the usual anxious behaviours.
Start by identifying your strengths — intelligence, success, creativity — and build your self-respect on those. The more weight you place on your genuine attributes, the less power her looks have over you.
Exposure Therapy with Beautiful Women
When I coach men, we often approach and speak to hundreds of very attractive women. Eventually, the spell breaks. You realise they’re just like anyone else — full of insecurities and often chaotic lives.
If you don’t take control, they’ll draw you into their emotional vortex. But when you lead, the dynamic shifts completely.
Shouldn’t You Want to Marry a Princess-Type Woman?
No. That fantasy usually ends in divorce and pain.
A healthy relationship is made up of two independent, secure people. Each has their own goals. When they’re together, they create something shared — not co-dependent.
Most relationships that start because of physical attraction alone end badly. I’ve seen it hundreds of times.
Another Reason I Don’t Use Dating Apps
You cannot measure true compatibility through an app.
Instead, learn to meet women in your everyday life. You can spot compatibility within the first three seconds of eye contact. It’s faster, more honest, and leads to far more fulfilling relationships.
Last night, at the restaurant with Nathalia, I met an attractive waitress. She lived ten minutes away from where I was staying. I explained that I only date women who are local — it saves time, effort, and energy.
She said she would want her Uber paid for, which I understand. But again, date locally and you avoid this kind of unnecessary tension.
More Choice Means Less Anxiety
When you know how to meet women in real life, you’re no longer relying on fantasy connections. You’re not swayed by some woman living in another country who texts you sweet things.
Nathalia mentioned she’s dated men from around the world — including an American guy who she thought was amazing. I told her: “No way. If he was that amazing, he’d be dating women locally.”
To me, it showed a lack of dating confidence. She romanticised it — as we all do — but I saw the desperation.
Never Buy Intimacy
Some guys even send women money without being intimate with them. Women say they find that attractive — but come on. That’s not a real connection. That’s a transaction.
Yes, cover her taxi if it’s late and she’s coming to see you. But don’t slide into sugar daddy territory — even if you can afford it.
Create a relationship based on genuine intimacy, not money or services.
Final Words
The only way to stop putting women on pedestals is to work on yourself first. Speak to real women. Challenge your beliefs. Break your attachments. Lead.
And you will notice your entire dating life shift.
Written by Gary Gunn
Gary Gunn is an internationally accredited coach with 17 years of experience coaching single men.
He has spent years creating proven, real world systems that help men meet, attract and date the women they desire. He is also the best selling author of a book on confidence and dating.
Gary has taught in over 30 major cities worldwide and has coached more than 1,200 men globally through group courses, video coaching and one to one training.
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