She is Micro-Cheating: Caught in the Act – Here is What To Do

She is Micro-Cheating: Caught in the Act – Here is What To Do

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

Suspecting your partner of micro-cheating is a tough situation to be in.

You might have even witnessed some eyebrow-raising actions like flirtatious eye contact or overly friendly touches.

So, what do you do now? Here’s a step-by-step guide to handling this delicate issue.

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Keep Calm and Collect Your Thoughts

First things first, keeping your cool is essential when faced with a situation that could easily spiral into drama or conflict.

Let’s dive into some action steps to help you remain composed.

Action Steps:

  • Take a step back: Remove yourself from the situation momentarily if possible.
  • Deep breaths: Use deep breathing exercises to calm your nerves.

Rushing to conclusions can cloud your judgment.

Taking a moment to collect your thoughts keeps you from making impulsive decisions you might later regret.

Evaluate the Situation

Now that you’ve calmed down a bit, it’s time to put on your detective hat.

Evaluating the situation is critical before taking any further steps.

Action Steps:

  • Ask yourself key questions: Was it a one-time thing? Does this behaviour directly violate the boundaries you’ve established in your relationship?
  • Gather evidence if necessary: If it’s not the first time, discreetly observe for further instances without stalking or infringing on her privacy.

Understanding the gravity of the situation will help you approach it in the most effective way.

Jumping the gun might cause unnecessary drama.

Open a Line of Discussion

So, you’ve gathered your thoughts and assessed the situation.

The next crucial step is to have an open, honest conversation about what you’ve observed.

Action Steps:

  • Choose the right time and place: This is a sensitive discussion that deserves undivided attention.
  • Prepare your thoughts: Before the conversation, make a list of points you want to cover.

Starting the dialogue at an inappropriate time could lead to an unproductive and heated discussion.

Being prepared helps you stay focused on resolving the issue.

Be Honest, but but Accusatory

While it’s essential to be honest about your feelings, pointing fingers won’t solve anything.

Here’s how to express yourself without making your partner defensive.

Action Steps:

  • Use “I” statements: Say things like “I felt uncomfortable when I saw you touch his arm.
  • Ask open-ended questions: Such as, “Can you help me understand what was going on?”

Using “I” statements makes the conversation less confrontational.

Open-ended questions invite her to share her perspective instead of getting defensive.

Listen to Her Side

After sharing your side, it’s her turn.

Listening carefully will give you a fuller picture and perhaps even some peace of mind.

Action Steps:

  • Active listening: Show that you are engaged by nodding, summarising, and asking follow-up questions.
  • Avoid interrupting: Let her speak freely to get the full picture.

Getting her viewpoint can offer you valuable context and may even ease your concerns.

Decide Together on Boundaries

If it’s clear that lines were crossed, the next step is to redefine your boundaries.

But remember, it’s a two-way street; both parties must agree.

Action Steps:

  • Be specific: Clearly state what behaviours are unacceptable moving forward.
  • Find a middle ground: Negotiate until you reach agreements that make both parties comfortable.

Setting specific boundaries ensures both parties are on the same page, which minimises future misunderstandings.

What if She Calls You Jealous or Insecure?

  • Stand your ground otherwise you are going to create further issues down the line.
  • Acknowledge that no one is perfect but remind her that honesty and respect are non-negotiable in a relationship.
  • It’s not about jealousy; it’s about maintaining a healthy relationship.

Next Steps

  • Set Boundaries: Clearly state what behaviour you find unacceptable.
  • Seek Professional Help: Sometimes a neutral third party can provide insights.
  • Evaluate the Relationship: If things don’t change, ask yourself if this relationship is worth your emotional investment.

Action point: If you feel like women always micro-cheat on you then I can help. Schedule a consultation call with me here and let me show you how to lead a more fulfilling dating life.


  • Witnessing potential micro-cheating is emotionally challenging, but how you handle it can make all the difference.
  • Keep calm, communicate openly, and set new boundaries to navigate through this delicate situation effectively.


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  1. John Gottman’s Studies on Relationship Stability(1990s to 2000s). John Gottman has conducted extensive research on predicting relationship stability and divorce. One of his most cited findings is the importance of positive-to-negative interaction ratios and how they influence relationship longevity. His work often highlights the importance of effective communication.
  2. “Infidelity in Committed Relationships II: A Substantive Review” by Mark A. Whisman & Douglas K. Snyder (2007). This review delves into the psychological impact of cheating, both emotional and physical, on relationships. While it doesn’t specifically address micro-cheating, it provides a framework for understanding the emotional and psychological consequences of infidelity.
  3. “Behavioral Couples Therapy for Alcoholism and Drug Abuse” by Timothy J. O’Farrell and William Fals-Stewart (2006). Although focused on substance abuse, this study outlines how couples therapy can be beneficial in resolving conflicts and re-establishing trust, which is applicable in situations involving micro-cheating or breaches of trust.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
Dating Coach