The Four Types Of Attachment Styles: A Guide for Single Men

The Four Types Of Attachment Styles: A Guide for Single Men

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this guide, I will teach you about the four types of attachment styles in dating.

As an accredited therapist and coach, I will also provide you with actionable tips that you can use right away to meet, attract and date women.

You can also transform your dating life with our digital products and coaching courses.

Secure Attachment Style

Secure individuals feel comfortable in relationships, trust their partners easily, and are capable of both giving and receiving support.

They communicate openly and maintain a healthy balance between their own needs and their partner’s needs.

Action step

  • Recognize and appreciate the qualities of secure attachment in potential partners, as they can contribute to a stable and fulfilling relationship.
  • Strive to develop your own secure attachment style by focusing on building self-esteem, trust, and effective communication skills.

Cultivating a secure attachment style within yourself and seeking partners who exhibit these qualities can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships built on trust, open communication, and mutual support.

Anxious Attachment Style

Anxiously attached individuals often seek reassurance and validation from their partners.

They may worry about their partner’s commitment and feel uneasy if they perceive any distance in the relationship.

Action step

  • Be patient and understanding if you’re interested in someone with an anxious attachment style.
  • Provide reassurance and consistent communication to help alleviate their insecurities.
  • Set healthy boundaries and communicate openly to prevent becoming overly entangled in their anxieties or feeling overwhelmed.

By practicing patience, providing reassurance, and establishing healthy boundaries, you can successfully navigate a relationship with someone who has an anxious attachment style, fostering a more secure and balanced connection.

Avoidant Attachment Style

Those with an avoidant attachment style tend to value their independence and may feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness or vulnerability.

They may create emotional distance and avoid commitment to protect themselves.

Action step

  • Be respectful of an avoidant partner’s need for personal space and independence.
  • Also express your own needs and desires in the relationship.
  • Encourage open communication, gradually building trust and intimacy over time.

By respecting personal boundaries, communicating openly, and fostering trust gradually, you can create a stronger connection with an avoidant partner, helping them feel more secure and comfortable in the relationship.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style

Fearful-avoidant individuals have a complicated relationship with attachment, as they simultaneously desire closeness and fear being hurt.

This can lead to inconsistent behavior and difficulty trusting others.

Action step

  • Approach a fearful-avoidant partner with patience and empathy, understanding that their behavior stems from past experiences.
  • Prioritize building trust and creating a safe space for open communication.
  • This will help them feel more secure and eventually allow them to open up.

By approaching fearful-avoidant partners with patience, empathy, and a focus on trust-building, you can help them overcome their fears and establish a more secure, open, and fulfilling relationship.

Conclusion

 


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Resources

  1. Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511-524. This foundational study by Hazan and Shaver conceptualizes romantic love as an attachment process, building on the attachment theory first introduced by John Bowlby. The authors explore how attachment styles influence romantic relationships and establish the three primary attachment styles: secure, anxious-ambivalent, and avoidant (now subdivided into dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant). This study serves as a basis for understanding the role of attachment styles in the context of romantic relationships.
  2. Feeney, J. A., & Noller, P. (1990). Attachment style as a predictor of adult romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58(2), 281-291. This study by Feeney and Noller investigates the role of attachment styles as predictors of adult romantic relationships. The researchers found that individuals with secure attachment styles were more likely to have long-lasting relationships, while those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles experienced more difficulties in their romantic lives. The study highlights the significance of understanding attachment styles in the context of relationship outcomes.
  3. Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. Guilford Press. In their comprehensive book, Mikulincer and Shaver review numerous studies on attachment theory and its implications for adult relationships. The authors cover various topics related to attachment, including its influence on romantic relationships, mental health, and the potential for change in attachment patterns over time. This book provides valuable insights into the importance of attachment styles for individuals seeking to form and maintain healthy relationships.

Written by Gary Gunn


Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
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