How to Tell Stories to Attract Women: Why Energy Is Everything

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

5 August 2025

I can give you the best story to tell a woman, but if you tell it the wrong way, she will lose interest in you instantly.

Over the years of coaching men to tell better stories, some of them get amazing dating success right away, while others continue to struggle. And the reason they struggle? It comes down to one core concept that almost every man overlooks.

It’s your energy.

In today’s breakdown, I’m going to share examples of poor storytelling and then show you how to make those same stories incredibly engaging and attractive to women. By the end of this, you’ll be far better at not only holding a woman’s attention, but also conveying your most attractive traits through storytelling.

Table of Contents

Why Women Are Attracted to Excess

Let’s start at the core. If you only remember one thing from this post, let it be this.

Women are attracted to excess.

That could be an excess of energy. An excess of status. An excess of adventure. An excess of passion. You go to the gym and get bigger than average? That’s attractive. You’ve built wealth beyond the average? That’s attractive. You walk into a high-end business office and see an enormous foyer with expensive art and minimal furniture? That’s a signal of excess.

Excess is a sign of abundance. It shows you’ve got more than enough to give.

So ask yourself this: when you tell a story to a woman, are you better off using low energy or an excess of energy?

It’s obvious.

A Boring Story Told with Energy Becomes Engaging

Let’s look at a very simple example.

Story version one:
“I woke up late today and I really struggled to make it to work on time. So much so that my boss ended up messaging me because I was late.”

That version is boring. Not because of the story itself, but because of the energy.

Now let’s shift the delivery:
“Even though I woke up late today, I was struggling to get to work on time. In fact, my boss messaged me because I was running late.”

It’s still not an amazing story, but with more energy behind it, it becomes interesting. You lean in. You follow the rhythm. You’re engaged.

That’s what most men miss. You don’t need wild stories. You need to tell simple stories with full energy.

The 60 Percent Rule That’s Killing Your Conversations

Here’s the main reason why most men don’t put enough energy into their stories. I call it the 60 percent rule.

Most guys operate between 60 to 70 percent of their full potential when they’re engaging women in conversation. Why? Because it feels safer.

You think, if I only give 60 percent, and it doesn’t go well, at least I didn’t fully try. I didn’t fully put myself on the line.

But that logic is broken.

Because if you only give 60 percent of yourself, you only get 60 percent of the results. And in dating, 60 percent often equals nothing.

How to Shift to 90 to 100 Percent Energy

To get better results, you have to shift your mentality to 90 or even 100 percent. The more energy you give, the less likely you are to fail.

Earlier this week, I was coaching a client who struggled to bring energy into his storytelling. Once I explained that women are drawn to men who have excess energy, everything clicked. He started speaking louder, using his body more, and instantly his stories became more compelling.

Even starting a conversation can benefit from this principle. When you say “Excuse me” in a loud, clear voice, women are far more likely to stop.

I remember a course I ran about eight years ago in Trafalgar Square. A client of mine couldn’t get any women to stop and talk to him. So I told him about the principle of excess. He took it seriously. The very next woman walked by wearing headphones, and he literally bellowed, “Excuse me.”

She stopped. She looked around. He said, “You look incredible today.”
She smiled, said, “Oh my god, thank you,” and started playing with her hair.

That moment will stay with me for the rest of my life. It proved the point. The more energy you give, the more successful you become.

How to Tell Better Stories Without Me Being There

The challenge, of course, is that I’m not going to be with you when you’re telling stories to women. So how do you do this on your own?

There are a few very simple techniques that I teach, and I’ll show you the most important one right now.

When most people tell stories, they keep their arms by their side or folded. They speak with little animation. It looks closed off and it feels closed off.

But here’s a trick: start using your hands when you speak.

Let me demonstrate. Right now, imagine me speaking with energy but not using my hands at all. Now imagine I begin using my hands to gesture, to move, to describe, to emphasize. You’ll feel the shift. It becomes more dynamic.

So if you’re telling a story to a woman, move your hands. Move your arms. Be more animated. It’s a simple physical change, but it creates a huge difference in your delivery. You look more confident. You feel more alive. You connect more deeply.

Why You’re Only Using 60 Percent Energy When Telling Stories

Let’s address the real reason men struggle with storytelling. It’s not that your story is boring. It’s that you’re only telling it at 60 percent effort.

I call this the 60 percent rule.

Most guys hold back their full energy when talking to women. Why? Because going all in means exposing yourself. It means risking rejection. So we play it safe. We use 60 percent of our voice, 60 percent of our emotions, and 60 percent of our attention.

But here’s the truth. If you only give 60 percent, you’ll only get 60 percent results. Maybe a polite smile. Maybe a “That’s nice.” But nothing deeper. No real attraction.

So if you want to know how to tell a story to a woman that actually engages her, you’ve got to shift your mindset.

You need to aim for 90 to 100 percent energy.

That doesn’t mean you’re shouting or acting fake. It means you’re allowing your full self to come through. You’re not protecting yourself from rejection. You’re expressing your story with emotional truth and conviction.

Why Women Respond to Excess Energy

Here’s a mindset shift that changes everything.

Women are attracted to excesses.

Excess strength. Excess ambition. Excess passion. It’s all tied to abundance. When you go to a luxury hotel, they don’t have a small entrance. They have a massive foyer with marble floors and high ceilings. It’s showing excess.

The same goes for energy. If you’re speaking like you’re half-asleep, it doesn’t matter how good the story is. You’re not showing abundance. You’re not showing presence. And women feel that instantly.

Think about the last time someone told you a story with passion. Their voice had rhythm. Their hands were moving. You could feel their emotion. That’s what makes even a basic story feel alive.

Now let me prove this with a real example.

A Coaching Story That Changed Everything

Around eight years ago, I was running a coaching course in Trafalgar Square, London. One of my clients just couldn’t get women to stop and speak with him.

So I told him exactly what I’m telling you now.

Use excess energy.

I said, for the next woman you approach, I want you to raise your voice. Own the space. He took a deep breath and bellowed, “Excuse me!” to a girl who was wearing headphones.

She stopped.

She looked around.

He said, “You look incredible today.”

She smiled. She played with her hair. She engaged him instantly.

That moment stayed with me. It proved what I had been coaching for years. That when you know how to tell a story to a woman with real energy, you break through her filters. You stand out.

And this doesn’t just work on the street. It works at a party. At work. On a date. Anywhere.

What to Do When I’m Not There Coaching You

Here’s the problem. Most men do better with storytelling when I’m coaching them live. I can give feedback. I can demonstrate. But what happens when I’m not there?

You need something to rely on.

So let me teach you how to tell a story to a woman with energy, even when you’re alone.

The first technique is this. Use your hands.

Most men don’t use their hands when they talk. They sit still. Their face is expressionless. Their voice is flat.

But when you start moving your hands, everything changes. Your energy lifts. Your face becomes more expressive. Your story comes to life.

Try this experiment. Tell a story sitting down, but don’t move your arms at all. Speak with the most energy you can manage.

Now do the same story again, but this time move your hands as you speak. Gesture naturally. Emphasize points. Open your palms. You’ll instantly feel the energy shift.

Using your body is one of the easiest ways to inject more life into your storytelling. It also makes you look more self-assured. More confident. More magnetic.

That’s step one.

Use the Right Story Structure

Once you start using more energy, the next piece of the puzzle is structure.

If your stories are too long, too detailed, or don’t go anywhere, women will switch off. Even if you’re using energy. That’s why in my other training videos, I walk through a simple storytelling arc you can use for almost any situation.

But here’s a quick summary.

Every good story needs three things.

A setup – Give just enough context to understand what’s happening. No more.
A moment of tension or change – Something needs to shift. You felt something. You learned something. That’s where emotional engagement comes in.
A resolution or takeaway – End the story with clarity. It doesn’t have to be profound, but it has to land.

The best way to get good at this is to practice telling short stories that follow this arc. Don’t worry about being perfect. Just focus on flow.

This structure gives your energy direction. It’s not just loud noise. It’s a compelling message.

Why Rehearsed Stories Don’t Work

A lot of guys ask me, “Should I just write down some great stories and memorize them?”

And the answer is no.

When you rehearse a story too much, you lose the spark. It becomes robotic. Women can feel when something is over-polished. It stops being a real interaction.

Instead, I work with my clients on the principles of storytelling. We practice using energy, body language, structure — and then we let stories come out naturally in conversation.

You don’t need a script. You need to be present.

And that brings us to the most overlooked part of storytelling.

You Have to Enjoy the Story

This one is simple. If you don’t enjoy telling your story, no one will enjoy listening to it.

That means stop choosing stories just because you think they’re impressive. Pick stories that light you up. That make you smile. That carry real emotion for you.

That’s the kind of energy that makes a woman lean in.

Improvised storytelling has this magic. You’re not following a path — you’re creating it in real time. That keeps you in the moment. That keeps your energy high. And that’s what makes it attractive.

Let me prove it to you.

Right now, I’m going to come up with an improvised story, just to show how this works.

Real Example: Energy Beats Skepticism

A few years ago, I had an Australian assistant on one of my courses. She didn’t believe that using energy when telling stories made a real difference.

So I decided to prove it.

I asked one client to tell a story with low energy. He spoke quietly, barely moved, and kept his face still. Then I had another client do the same story with high energy. He gestured with his hands, spoke with rhythm, and brought emotion into the words.

By the second example, she looked at me and said, “Wow. Okay. I get it.”

She could feel the difference immediately.

So if you’ve ever thought, “Won’t speaking too loud turn women off?” — the answer is no. Not when it’s real. Not when it’s expressive. Not when it’s grounded in confidence.

Of course, there’s a balance. You don’t want to shout in a quiet café. But in most situations, allowing your voice to carry and your body to move shows strength. It shows presence. And that is the core of attraction.

Storytelling Is a Skill That Elevates Every Part of Your Life

What I’ve shared with you in this post goes far beyond dating. Knowing how to tell a story to a woman is the same skill that helps you connect with clients, inspire a room, or even lead a team.

In fact, these are the same techniques I use as a public speaker, a dating coach, and in every important conversation I have.

When I want to express emotion, build connection, or stand out, I rely on three things:

Energy
Structure
Presence

These aren’t gimmicks. They’re fundamentals. And once you internalize them, storytelling becomes second nature.

You’ll no longer wonder what to say. You’ll just speak, and people will listen.

The Shift You Need to Make Today

If you take nothing else from this, remember this:

You are not boring. Your stories aren’t boring. You’ve just been telling them without energy.

So the shift isn’t about changing your stories. It’s about changing how you tell them.

Start using your hands.
Start moving your body.
Start enjoying your own stories.

And stop worrying about rejection. That fear is what keeps you stuck at 60 percent. Let it go. Give 100 percent. That’s where attraction lives.

Final Thoughts on How to Tell a Story to a Woman

Let’s bring it all together.

Women are attracted to excess energy. Not fake hype. Not over-the-top performance. But real, expressive, confident energy. That energy needs to come through in how you speak, how you move, and how you feel when you share a story.

Keep it structured. Keep it spontaneous. Keep it alive.

And most importantly, tell the stories that matter to you. Because when you’re having fun telling a story, the woman listening will feel it — and she’ll want to be part of that energy.

That’s how you tell a story to a woman in a way that makes her feel something.

That’s how you stand out.

That’s how you attract.