Adlerian Psychology | The Approach That Underpins Our Coaching
At my coaching practice, Social Attraction, we have found Adlerian psychology to be an invaluable framework for guiding our clients.
Unlike Freud and Jung’s approaches, which focus on past traumas and causes, Adlerian psychology empowers individuals to focus on the present and what they can control now.
Alfred Adler believed that while past experiences can influence a person’s development, they do not determine their future behaviour.
Instead, he focused on the importance of present motivations and future goals.
Adlerian psychology emphasises the individual’s ability to shape their own destiny through personal choice and social interest.
For me, this approach allows me to take control of my life and not feel stuck with the causes and effects from my childhood, which can be exhausting and, in my experience, not effective.
This methodology changed my life and continues to transform the lives of my clients.
Why Adlerian Psychology?
Adlerian psychology offers practical tools that are not only easy to understand but also deeply impactful.
This approach addresses the root of many personal and interpersonal issues by focusing on self-improvement, resilience, and social interest.
It encourages individuals to take responsibility for their actions and emotions, leading to a more empowered and balanced life.
How We Use Adlerian Principles in Coaching
We guide our clients through a process that helps them:
- Identify and overcome feelings of inferiority
- Develop self-reliance and authenticity
- Build meaningful and equal relationships
- Set and achieve purposeful goals
- Cultivate resilience and adaptability
Our coaching methodology is centred on helping clients leave the past behind and release negative thoughts and patterns that hold them back
Key Adlerian Terms
If you can grasp these key terms, you’ll unlock a deeper understanding of Adlerian psychology and how it shapes our coaching approach.
To get you started, here is a list of essential concepts and their meanings, all explained in simple, easy-to-read language.
- Active Listening: Fully engaging and understanding others in conversation, promoting better communication. Adlerian psychology supports active listening as a means to improve relationships and resolve conflicts. It encourages genuine interest and attentiveness in communication.
- Authenticity: Living in accordance with one’s true self and values rather than conforming to societal expectations. Adlerian psychology values authenticity as a path to genuine happiness and fulfilment. It encourages individuals to embrace their true selves and live according to their own principles.
- Causality (Freudian Approach): The idea that current behaviour is determined by past experiences and traumas. In contrast to teleology, which focuses on future goals, causality emphasises the impact of past events on present behaviour. Adlerian psychology critiques this approach, advocating instead for understanding individuals by their goals and aspirations.
- Community Equals: Building relationships on the basis of equality within a community. Adlerian psychology emphasises that treating everyone as equals promotes harmony and mutual respect, essential for a healthy and supportive community. It contrasts with hierarchical approaches that can lead to discord and competition.
- Community Feeling (Gemeinschaftsgefühl): A sense of belonging and interconnectedness with others, essential for personal fulfilment. This feeling is crucial in Adlerian psychology as it fosters a sense of social interest and cooperative living. It emphasises that happiness is found in the sense of contributing to and being part of a community.
- Contribution: The sense of self-worth derived from feeling useful and making meaningful contributions to the community. Adlerian psychology posits that true happiness comes from contributing to others’ well-being rather than seeking superiority. This concept helps individuals find purpose and connection within their community.
- Courageous engagement: A concept rooted in Alfred Adler’s psychology, referring to the willingness to enter into interpersonal relationships with openness and trust, despite past experiences of hurt or betrayal. It embodies the idea of facing potential vulnerability with a positive and proactive attitude. This mindset encourages individuals to focus on their own capacity for empathy, cooperation, and positive contribution to relationships, rather than being deterred by fear of being hurt again. Courageous engagement is about taking control of one’s own actions and attitudes, maintaining hope and confidence in human connections, and prioritising personal growth and social harmony. It highlights the importance of resilience, empathy, and a commitment to building and nurturing healthy relationships, irrespective of past negative experiences. – Read my courageous engagement article here.
- Courage to Be Disliked: The ability to live authentically without seeking validation from others, even if it means being disliked. In Adlerian psychology, this courage is essential for breaking free from societal expectations and living according to one’s true self and values. It empowers individuals to make decisions based on their own beliefs rather than external approval.
- Emotional Autonomy: Maintaining control over one’s own emotions and not being overly influenced by others’ opinions or behaviours. Adlerian psychology values emotional autonomy as essential for personal strength and independence. It helps individuals maintain their sense of self and make decisions based on their own values.
- Empathy: The ability to understand and share the feelings of others, fostering deeper connections. Adlerian psychology highlights empathy as crucial for building strong interpersonal relationships. It promotes understanding and compassion in interactions with others.
- Equality: Treating everyone with the same respect and value, regardless of differences in status or abilities. Adlerian psychology advocates for equality in relationships to foster mutual respect and cooperation. It contrasts with hierarchical views that lead to feelings of inferiority or superiority.
- Holism: Viewing individuals as whole beings where mind and body, emotion and reason are interconnected. Adlerian psychology stresses that one cannot separate physical symptoms from mental states, as they are part of an indivisible whole. This approach helps in understanding and treating individuals more comprehensively.
- Horizontal Relationship: Relationships based on equality, mutual respect, and cooperation, as opposed to hierarchical structures. Adlerian psychology advocates for these relationships as they promote genuine connections and mutual respect, which are essential for mental health and well-being. They contrast with vertical relationships that often lead to competition and resentment.
- Inferiority Complex: Feelings of inferiority that arise from comparing oneself to others. Adlerian psychology explains that these feelings often lead individuals to avoid challenges. Overcoming an inferiority complex involves transforming these feelings into motivation for self-improvement and community contribution.
- Intrinsic Motivation: Pursuing activities for their own sake rather than for external rewards. Adlerian psychology encourages intrinsic motivation to foster genuine interest and engagement in tasks. It leads to more sustained and fulfilling efforts in personal and professional life.
- Interpersonal Relationships: The foundation of personal happiness, emphasising the quality of relationships over individual achievements. Adlerian psychology posits that all personal problems are interpersonal relationship problems. Improving these relationships is key to resolving personal issues and achieving happiness.
- Judgment: Evaluating others’ actions and behaviours, often leading to hierarchical relationships. Adlerian psychology criticises judgment as it creates power imbalances and hinders genuine connections. It promotes understanding and acceptance over judgmental attitudes.
- Life-Lie: Stories or excuses people tell themselves to avoid taking responsibility and making changes. In Adlerian psychology, these lies prevent personal growth and keep individuals stuck in unfulfilling patterns. Recognising and confronting life-lies is crucial for achieving genuine happiness. Read my blog on life lies here.
- Mindset Change: The belief that individuals can change their attitudes and perspectives to improve their lives. Adlerian psychology supports the idea that changing one’s mindset is crucial for overcoming challenges and achieving personal goals. It promotes the power of positive thinking and self-determination.
- Mutual Respect: Valuing others’ perspectives and treating them with consideration. Adlerian psychology sees mutual respect as foundational for healthy and cooperative relationships. It helps to build trust and understanding between individuals.
- Overcoming Inferiority: Transforming feelings of inferiority into a drive for self-improvement and community contribution. Adlerian psychology suggests that addressing and overcoming inferiority complexes is key to personal development. It involves recognising and redirecting these feelings towards positive goals.
- Personal Growth: The ongoing process of becoming a better version of oneself through learning and development. Adlerian psychology supports personal growth as essential for fulfilment and happiness. It encourages individuals to seek out experiences that promote learning and improvement.
- Present-Focused Living: Emphasising the importance of living in the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Adlerian psychology encourages this approach to reduce anxiety and enhance life satisfaction. It helps individuals make the most of their current experiences and opportunities.
- Purpose: Finding and living in alignment with one’s core values and passions to achieve a meaningful life. Adlerian psychology suggests that having a sense of purpose is essential for personal fulfilment. It helps individuals set meaningful goals and work towards them with motivation and clarity.
- Resilience: Facing difficulties head-on and growing stronger from the experience. Adlerian psychology views resilience as a key trait for overcoming life’s challenges. It encourages individuals to develop psychological flexibility and adaptability.
- Resolution by Changing Goal: Altering one’s goals to overcome feelings of inferiority or inadequacy. Adlerian psychology suggests that changing one’s objectives can help resolve feelings of failure and promote personal growth. It involves setting new and inspiring goals.
- Self-Acceptance: Embracing one’s imperfections and recognising one’s inherent worth. Adlerian psychology emphasises that self-acceptance is vital for mental health and well-being. It allows individuals to pursue personal growth without being hindered by unrealistic standards.
- Self-Improvement: Continuously striving to grow and develop oneself. Adlerian psychology advocates for ongoing personal development as a means to achieve one’s potential. It emphasises the importance of setting and pursuing personal goals for growth.
- Self-Reliance: Taking personal responsibility for one’s actions, feelings, and happiness. Adlerian psychology emphasises self-reliance as essential for personal growth and autonomy. It encourages individuals to take control of their lives rather than depending on others for validation.
- Self-Worth: The sense of one’s value and importance, derived from internal validation and community contribution. In Adlerian psychology, self-worth is not dependent on external approval but on one’s own sense of contribution and intrinsic value. This internal validation leads to healthier self-esteem and more stable emotional well-being.
- Separation of Tasks: This concept involves distinguishing between what is your responsibility and what is not, allowing you to focus on your own actions and feelings. According to Adlerian psychology, this separation liberates individuals from trying to control others and reduces unnecessary interpersonal conflicts. It promotes personal autonomy and responsibility.
- Social Interest: A focus on the welfare of others and contributing to society. Adlerian psychology emphasises social interest as crucial for mental health and community well-being. It encourages individuals to engage in activities that benefit others and promote social harmony.
- Superiority Complex: An attitude of superiority that conceals feelings of inferiority and self-doubt. Adlerian psychology identifies this as a compensatory mechanism for feelings of inadequacy. It often results in a need to dominate others to feel valued.
- Teleology: The idea that behaviour is driven by future goals and aspirations rather than past experiences. In Adlerian psychology, understanding a person’s goals is crucial for understanding their behaviour. This contrasts with Freudian causality, which focuses on past traumas as determinants of current behaviour.
- Thanks/Appreciation/Gratitude: Recognising and valuing others’ actions without creating hierarchical dynamics. Adlerian psychology promotes gratitude as a way to foster positive relationships and community feelings. It encourages expressing genuine appreciation to strengthen bonds and mutual respect.
- Validation: Understanding that true validation comes from within, not from external approval. Adlerian psychology emphasises the importance of self-validation for mental health and well-being. It encourages individuals to find worth in their own actions and beliefs rather than seeking constant approval from others.
- Vertical Relationship: Hierarchical relationships where individuals are ranked as superior or inferior. Adlerian psychology criticises these relationships because they create power dynamics and feelings of inferiority. They often result in unhealthy competition and hinder the development of genuine, respectful connections.
Written by Gary Gunn
Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.
He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.
As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
