Early Dating Red Flags | Don’t Let Lust Take Control
Red flags early on in dating are not just mild warning signs. They are the alarms alerting you to step back before you walk into trouble. Ignoring these signs can cost you your peace of mind, your confidence and your valuable time.
- Judgemental behaviour turns conversations into a subtle power struggle.
- Addiction issues create instability and emotional strain.
- Still hung up on their ex means they are not ready to build something new.
The goal is not caution for caution’s sake. The goal is clarity so you can invest in what will work and avoid what will not.
Red flag 1: Judgemental behaviour toward others
How someone speaks about others reveals their character. A partner who often criticises others shows a lack of empathy, which can lead to tension in the relationship.
Example
“They are lazy” or “Why would anyone wear that?” These comments suggest a critical and dismissive outlook.
What to ask
- How do you feel about people who live differently from you?
- How do you handle differences of opinion?
Red flag response
“I do not have time for people who make poor decisions.”
Green flag response
“I believe in treating people with respect even when I do not agree.”
Red flag 2: Addiction issues
A partner’s relationship with substances can have a major impact. If someone relies on alcohol or drugs to cope, it points to deeper challenges that can affect both of you.
Example
“I need a few drinks to unwind” or “It is just a way to cope, no big deal.”
What to ask
- How do you relax after a stressful day?
- What do your weekends usually look like?
Red flag response
“I drink most nights to relax.”
Green flag response
“I enjoy a drink sometimes but I also like to stay active and healthy.”
Red flag 3: Still hung up on their ex
Someone who talks a lot about their ex or makes comparisons may not have moved on. This can create emotional distance and tension.
Example
“My ex loved this place” or “You remind me of them.”
What to ask
- What did you learn from your last relationship?
- Do you keep in touch with your ex?
Red flag response
“I think about them a lot and we talk often.”
Green flag response
“I am grateful for what I learned and ready for something new.”
Red flag 4: Negative relationship history
Repeated short or toxic relationships suggest patterns that could affect you. A partner who blames others for every breakup may not have worked on their own issues.
Example
“They were all difficult people” or “None of them could handle me.”
What to ask
- What went wrong in your last few relationships?
- What did you learn about yourself from them?
Red flag response
“It was always their fault.”
Green flag response
“I learned about setting boundaries and communicating better.”
Red flag 5: Lack of respect for boundaries
Healthy relationships need clear boundaries. If someone pushes you to share more than you are ready for or dismisses your limits, that is a red flag.
Example
“If you cared, you would tell me everything” or “Why do you need privacy?”
What to ask
- How do you feel about personal space in a relationship?
- How do you handle it when someone sets a boundary?
Red flag response
“There should not be secrets in a relationship.”
Green flag response
“Boundaries help build trust over time.”
Conclusion
Spotting red flags is not about being critical. It is about protecting your time and energy. The right person will bring respect, trust and emotional balance. When you see red flags, take them seriously so you can focus on the relationships that have real potential.
Resources
- How To Identify Dating Red Flags In The Early Stages by The Handbook. Covers key signs and the importance of listening to your intuition.
- 15 Early Relationship Red Flags by Garbo. Practical tips on spotting behaviours like boundary violations and love bombing.
Written by Gary Gunn
Gary Gunn is an internationally accredited coach with 17 years of experience coaching single men.
He has spent years creating proven, real world systems that help men meet, attract and date the women they desire. He is also the best selling author of a book on confidence and dating.
Gary has taught in over 30 major cities worldwide and has coached more than 1,200 men globally through group courses, video coaching and one to one training.
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