Beat The Fear Of Approaching Women | Overcome Your Anxiety

Beat The Fear Of Approaching Women | Overcome Your Anxiety

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I will outline how to beat the fear of approaching women that you find attractive. In doing so I will go through three individual and powerful stories of clients attending my dating confidence courses to illuminate where I helped them overcome their fear of speaking to women, as well as what worked for them.

You will learn:

  • Personal accounts of men overcoming their approach anxiety
  • Simple techniques to make approaching women attainable
  • How to develop a strong and bulletproof mindset

Importantly, these stories will give you some wisdom and insight into how you can overcome your own fear of approaching women.

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How do I approach a girl without fear?

One impactful way to approach a girl without fear is to immerse yourself in taking action; meaning immediately going out and doing it. This mentality reminds me of one particular client of mine from a few years back who happened to be a special forces guy who came over from Russia.

The client from Russia

In my first consultation call with him, he claimed that he could do anything in his life that he put his mind to. In other words, fear did not affect him – except when it came to approaching women. After that, he relayed that he had tried all ways he could think of, but nothing worked, hence why he decided to book one of my courses.

I subsequently took him out and taught him a few fundamentals to help him overcome his fear of approaching women.

One key insight that resonated with him was a specific story of Ghenghis Khan, who was one of the greatest leaders that had ever lived. This story was of when Ghenghis Khan attacked Russia without waiting for the optimum time and season to attack. Instead, he intentionally chose the worst possible time. Namely, Russia in the height of winter, when it is so cold that no one would have expected an imminent attack. Crucially that is one aspect of what made him a great leader.

Accepting your fear

The reason why I told that specific story to my client was that he was one of those guys that thrive in difficult times; this is where he felt most comfortable. As a result, waiting for those easier opportunities to approach women did not suit his personality. If anything it made him more self-conscious. His personality was more: Give it to me as hard as you can and I will find a way to make it through.

Therefore on the course, I took my client to some of the most difficult situations you can find yourself approaching women. This included a busy tube, an art gallery during a guided tour, and finally during rush hour in Oxford street.

These places are busy and have a lot going on. This caused him to:

  • Step up to the personal challenge
  • Channel his energy and vitality
  • Thrive in the bustling environments

The end result was that this client did not simply overcome his fear of approaching women; he completely eradicated it.

The approach mindset

Most of us, most of the time, wait for the easy time and option before trying something new. Yet, like Ghengis Khan, there is something energising about selecting the hardest and most challenging time to commit to something. It strengthens our minds and solidifies our willpower.

Importantly, this mindset can empower us in all areas of our life; not solely in overcoming our fear of approaching women.

How to overcome anxiety about approaching women?

The most effective way to overcome anxiety about approaching women is to stop putting pressure on yourself. This means immediately stop comparing yourself to other people and remember that you are on your own journey of learning and self-improvement.

This brings me to my second client story. This man was around his mid-thirties and very articulate; he seemed like the perfect client to coach. He was excited about overcoming his approach anxiety and I was excited about coaching him.

The over-competitive client

When he turned up on my course, he was alongside another client of mine and I relayed what we were going to be doing on the course. This client immediately pointed out how competitive he was and advocated making the day into a game to see who could approach the most women with success.

Interestingly, what happened was the other guy went out and initially did better. He was able to engage women in conversation and took three girls’ numbers. What was happening was that this client was putting too much pressure on himself because of the competition. It was self-defeating to him.

Halfway through the day, I had to say to him: “Look, stop competing. Let’s just relax and take it step-by-step. Remember the training, and take it easy.” This instantly took the pressure off him and allowed him to step back and enjoy the interactions more, so much so that he was able to go on an instant date with one of the girls he met that afternoon.

The competitive mindset

It is worth remembering that competition can be good for us, but too much of it can be crippling. We begin to feel overwhelmed and we start to feel like we cannot handle the pressure.

One of the simplest things we can do to overcome our fear of approaching women is to stop competing. Stop competing with ourselves and stop competing with other people.

This will:

  • Diminish that feeling of being overwhelmed
  • Allow us to be more relaxed and calm in our outlook
  • Ensure we come across much more attractive to women

How to cure approach anxiety?

There is no single overriding cure for overcoming approach anxiety. Rather, it is more about understanding the psychology behind it; finding out what lies behind our fear. Indeed, sometimes it is the very decision to take action to rectify this part of our lives that is the most life-changing.

This brings me to my last client story – a man who had a negative experience decades ago, which detrimentally affected him and consequently his confidence to speak to women.

The client with 20 years of anxiety

I distinctly remember the consultation call with this client. He said to me: “I’ve had anxiety about speaking to women for 20 years. There is no way that you can help me to overcome my anxiety.”

Bearing in mind this guy had struggled for 20 years, I fully understood his trepidation and worry about finally facing his fear. To put him at ease I recounted my experience as a coach and what to expect from taking the course. I also confirmed that we have a money-back guarantee if he did not feel that he had obtained the desired results.

Being decisive

What is interesting is that with many people it is not the process of being on my course that helps them overcome their fear of approaching women. It is more about making a decision to change their life.

When this client decided to commit to coming to my dating confidence course, he changed. He was no longer someone that was waiting for things to happen. Instead, he had made an important personal decision to rid himself of this fear once and for all.

In fact, when he finally did attend the course a few weeks later, for me, it was relatively easy to help him tackle his fear. These included a few simple techniques, such as:

  • Getting proximity
  • Power posing
  • Affirmations

Within an hour, this guy was approaching women that he never would have had the confidence to approach ever. Importantly, I cannot take full credit for him beating his fear of approaching women because, as I say, the credit of that was in his own decision to change his life.


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  • The first way to overcome a fear of approaching women is to approach women in the busiest and difficult situations. This gives you vital energy and vigour.
  • The second way to overcome a fear of approaching women is to reduce the pressure of competition. This lets you relax and take it one step at a time.
  • The final way to overcome a fear of approaching women is to simply commit. Make the decision that you are going to do whatever it takes to overcome this fear and to improve your life. This changes your psychology and your mindset.


Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
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