Dating Advice for Men with High Standards in Their 40’s

Dating Advice for Men with High Standards in Their 40’s

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

You’re a man in your 40s with high standards, and you want to find the right women who aligns with your values and lifestyle.

Don’t worry, I’m here to coach you through the process.

We’ll explore essential tips to help you to meet new women, hold engaging conversations, create lasting connections, and more.

You can also transform your dating life with our digital products and coaching courses.

Overcome fear of rejection to meet more women

To conquer the fear of rejection, focus on building your self-confidence and adopting a resilient mindset.

Remember that rejection is a natural part of dating, and it’s a learning experience rather than a personal reflection of your worth.

By using situational openers that feel natural and unforced, you’ll be able to engage women in a more authentic manner.

Action steps:

  • Rehearse conversation starters and situational openers.
  • Set a goal to approach a certain number of women each week.
  • Reflect on each interaction and identify areas for improvement.

Avoid these mistakes:

  • Avoid using pick-up lines or tactics that come across as insincere or manipulative.
  • Don’t be overly aggressive or pushy in your approach.
  • Don’t let one rejection define your worth or discourage you from future attempts.

Create sexual tension and connect in conversation

Great conversations are the foundation of any successful dating experience.

Develop the ability to tease playfully and create sexual tension by incorporating light-hearted humor and innuendo.

Ask open-ended questions to encourage women to share their thoughts and experiences, and actively listen to their responses to demonstrate your genuine interest in getting to know them.

Action steps:

  • Learn and practice different conversation techniques.
  • Make a list of interesting questions to ask in future conversations.
  • Focus on active listening and avoid interrupting.

Avoid these mistakes:

  • Don’t monopolize the conversation or make it solely about yourself.
  • Avoid controversial or offensive topics during initial interactions.
  • Don’t interrupt or dismiss the woman’s opinions and feelings.

Embrace personal growth

Understanding yourself and committing to personal growth are essential for successful dating.

Develop a stoic mindset and cultivate emotional stability by learning to manage your reactions to external factors, such as a woman’s beauty.

As you work on personal growth, you’ll become more emotionally resilient and attract partners who value your maturity and self-awareness.

Action steps:

  • Engage in self-reflection and introspection regularly.
  • Read books or attend workshops on personal development and emotional intelligence.
  • Practice mindfulness techniques to manage emotions and reactions.

Avoid these mistakes:

  • Don’t fall into the trap of complacency and stagnation in your personal development.
  • Avoid blaming others for your emotional reactions or shortcomings.
  • Don’t ignore or suppress emotions, but rather, learn to manage and express them healthily.

Establish a strong masculine frame

A strong masculine frame requires assertiveness, healthy boundaries, and clear expectations.

By dating on your own terms, you’ll attract women who respect and value your strong sense of self.

A firm yet respectful approach to communication helps maintain your masculine frame while fostering an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding.

Action steps:

  • Learn effective communication strategies for assertiveness and boundary setting.
  • Establish clear expectations in your relationships early on.
  • Practice saying no when necessary to protect your boundaries.

Avoid these mistakes:

  • Don’t confuse assertiveness with aggression or rudeness.
  • Avoid being a pushover or letting others consistently overstep your boundaries.
  • Don’t be overly controlling or possessive in your relationships.

Create an attractive lifestyle

Design a fulfilling and engaging lifestyle that naturally appeals to the women you desire.

Cultivate hobbies, interests, and social connections that reflect your values and personality.

As you lead an interesting and well-rounded life, you’ll naturally exude an air of authority and security that draws women to you.

Action steps:

  • Assess your current lifestyle and identify areas for enhancement.
  • Join clubs, groups, or events that align with your interests and values.
  • Foster strong connections with friends, family, and professional networks.

Avoid these mistakes:

  • Don’t build your life solely around the goal of attracting women.
  • Avoid neglecting other important aspects of life, such as career, health, and personal relationships.
  • Don’t isolate yourself or rely solely on online interactions for social connections.

Do not accept less than you desire

Successful dating involves developing the self-respect to recognize red flags, end unsuitable relationships, and focus on dating women who appreciate, respect, and support you.

Developing discernment and intuition helps you identify relationships that serve you and move on from those that don’t.

Action steps:

  • Reflect on past relationships to identify red flags and warning signs.
  • Develop a list of non-negotiable values and expectations for your relationships.
  • Trust your instincts and seek advice from trusted friends or professionals when needed.

Avoid these mistakes:

  • Don’t ignore your intuition or gut feelings about a potential partner.
  • Avoid staying in toxic or unsuitable relationships out of fear of being alone.
  • Don’t let past failed relationships define your future dating experiences.


  • By embracing these action steps, you will be able to meet and attract the women you desire.
  • Implementing these techniques will lead to more fulfilling relationships and experiences with women.
  • Embrace the journey of self-discovery, personal growth, and relationship-building to truly excel in your dating life.


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  1. Eastwick, P. W., & Finkel, E. J. (2008). “Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: Do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner?”. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2), 245-264. This research study, conducted by Paul W. Eastwick and Eli J. Finkel, explored the dynamics of initial romantic attraction and mate preferences. Additionally, the study found that factors such as physical attractiveness, self-confidence, and emotional stability were highly correlated with overall desirability in a potential partner. These findings support the importance of radiating magnetic attraction, embracing self-awareness and personal growth, and establishing a strong masculine frame.
  1. Hall, J. A., Carter, S., Cody, M. J., & Albright, J. M. (2010). “Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory”. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393. In this study, Jeffrey A. Hall and colleagues developed the Flirting Styles Inventory to identify and assess individual differences in the communication of romantic interest. The research indicated that effective communication, including engaging conversations and active listening, were key components of successful romantic interactions. Furthermore, this study supports the importance of engaging in captivating conversations and forging lasting connections in the dating process.
  1. Whitty, M. T. (2008). “Revealing the ‘real’ me, searching for the ‘actual’ you: Presentations of self on an internet dating site”. Computers in Human Behavior, 24(4), 1707-1723. Monica T. Whitty’s research explored how individuals present themselves on internet dating sites and the impact of self-presentation on the success of online dating interactions. Additionally, the study found that being authentic and genuine in presenting oneself led to more positive outcomes in online dating. This research supports the importance of self-awareness, personal growth, and embracing authenticity in the dating process.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
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