How to Say No to Women and Build Respect

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

23 August 2025

Saying no to women is the only way you will generate respect and attraction. In today’s article, I am going to take you through the five things you need to know about how to say no to women. You will learn how to generate attraction, do it the right way, and feel comfortable when you first say no.

Here are the five things I am going to take you through.

How to say no without creating any drama or difficulties in your life
Why boundaries equal respect in your dating life
Common mistakes men make when learning how to say no to women
Exact phrases you can use to say no to women
How to stay calm when becoming more confident in your dating life

My name is Gary Gunn and I am a professional dating coach with 17 years of experience. I have coached in over 20 countries around the world. I also get hired by big companies to teach their sales teams. What I am about to teach you is not only effective in your dating life, it is the same strategy I coach global experts on to become more self-assured.

Being assertive is one of the best skills you can ever learn. Let’s start with the first point.

Table of Contents

How to Say No to Women Without Creating Drama

The key with being assertive is to have short sentences that you can repeat time and again. Before I get into the exact phrases, let’s ask an important question. Why is it important to know how to say no to women?

There are actually a few different ways you can say no. They may not be as obvious as you think. For example, it can mean saying no to buying a woman a drink you just met. It can be saying no to meeting her friends or family. It can be saying no to being affected by her beauty. It can be saying no to letting her distract you. It can even be saying no to replying to her message because you are busy.

If you are like most single guys, you see an attractive woman and you instantly look at her. You are becoming submissive and saying yes without realising it. Women notice everything you do. They notice the guy who does not turn around to stare at them in social situations. That is the man they want to know more about. This is why learning how to say no to women is so important.

The best way to do this without drama is to make it internal first, not external. No, I am not going to look at her because I am working. No, I am not going to buy her a drink just so she talks to me. No, I am not ready to meet her family yet.

When you practise saying no internally, you are already calm and prepared for the external situation when it arises. Saying no is first an internal process. Then it becomes external.

Why Boundaries Make Women Respect You

The second step in learning how to say no to women is to understand why boundaries are attractive. If you are a pushover, no one is going to respect you. Women are drawn to men who have options and who are selective. If you have no personal boundaries, you are communicating that you are desperate, needy, and will take whatever you can get.

The more boundaries you set, the more respect you will receive. Over the years I have coached many clients who have implemented strong boundaries. Here are some examples.

One client refused to date women who use social media. If they wanted to date him, they had to delete it. This is not controlling or manipulative. This is about knowing what you want and standing by it. If a woman does not want to agree, that is fine. She is free to walk away. When you maintain your standards, you attract women who respect you and want to please you.

Boundaries work both ways. If she has her own non-negotiables, you can discuss them together. But the point is clear. The more boundaries you have, the more attractive you become.

Try this in your next conversation with a woman. Tell her you would not date a woman who has social media. Notice the emotions it brings up, then stay calm and stick to your stance. You will find she respects you more.

Common Mistakes Men Make When Setting Boundaries

When men first learn how to say no to women, they often make mistakes. The biggest one is going over the top and reacting emotionally. If you want to say no, it must come from a calm place.

For example, if a woman asks you to buy her a drink when you are out, you do not say, “No, why should I buy it for you.” That is emotional and defensive. Instead, say, “No, I only buy drinks for women I am dating.”

If she asks you to meet her family, you do not need to create drama. A simple “No, I have work” or “No, I am not ready for that yet” is enough.

When you want to lead women and your own dating life, you must come from strength, not weakness. The mistake is not in saying no but in saying it emotionally. Calmness is the foundation of assertiveness.

Why Boundaries Equal Respect in Dating

If you do not have the dating life you want, it is likely because you are not putting boundaries in place. Learning how to say no to women is about much more than just words. It is about self-respect.

When you lack boundaries, women will not take you seriously. You end up communicating that you are desperate, needy, and willing to accept whatever is on offer. On the other hand, a man with standards naturally generates respect and attraction. Women want to know why you are different.

Women are often drawn to men who other women admire or want. If you show that you are submissive, constantly giving in without question, you lose that magnetic edge. But when you have clear boundaries, you are perceived as strong, self-assured, and desirable.

Over the years, I have coached men to set powerful boundaries that instantly shift the way women view them. Let me share a few real-world examples.

No dating women who keep active social media accounts. Many of my clients are highly successful men who do not want the woman they are dating putting herself on display for attention online. Their boundary is simple. If we are going to date, you must delete your social media.

If she refuses, that is fine. It is her decision. You are not being controlling, you are being assertive. You are stating what you are comfortable with in a relationship. If she does not accept, she can walk away. You hold your standards, and you will meet women who respect you for it.

Boundaries work both ways. If a woman has non-negotiables, she can bring them up too. The point is not to control but to set a framework where both people respect each other. The more you hold your ground, the more attractive you become.

A simple test you can try today is to tell a woman that you would not date a woman who has social media. Notice her emotional reaction. If you stay calm and stick to your words, her respect for you will grow. That is the power of saying no with clarity.

Common Mistakes Men Make When Learning How to Say No to Women

The biggest mistake men make when setting boundaries is reacting emotionally. You want to come across as calm and self-assured, not aggressive or defensive.

Imagine being on a night out and a woman asks you to buy her a drink. The weak response is to overreact. Saying something like, “Why should I buy you a drink” comes across as bitter and insecure.

Instead, a confident response would be, “I only buy drinks for women I am dating.” Short, calm, and firm.

Another example. A woman asks you to meet her family and you are not ready. Instead of panicking or making excuses, simply say, “No, I have work on. I am not ready to meet them yet.”

The difference between attractive and unattractive communication is the tone. Boundaries said with calmness create respect. Boundaries said with emotion create unnecessary drama.

If you want to lead in your dating life, you must learn to say no from a position of strength. This is what women find most attractive.

Exact Phrases You Can Use

When learning how to say no to women, you need simple phrases that you can repeat in different situations. Here are a few you can start practicing immediately.

No, I am not comfortable with that.
I am not ready to do that.
Let us not do that yet.
It is not something I want to do.

These short, calm sentences can be used anywhere. They are especially useful when you feel pressured or unsure of what to say.

Another powerful boundary-setting tool is when you are telling a story and a woman interrupts you. Instead of letting it slide, you can calmly say:

I have not finished yet.
Let me finish.

These phrases may seem small, but they communicate confidence and assertiveness. Women notice men who set these small boundaries. They are drawn to men who will not let themselves be interrupted or disrespected.

The key is to practice these phrases until they become natural. The more you use them, the more women will respect and be attracted to you.

Staying Calm While Saying No

One of the hardest parts of learning how to say no to women is staying calm. Many men struggle with this because they are not around attractive women enough.

If you only meet one woman you like per month or even per year, you will naturally feel nervous when you are finally in front of her. That nervousness makes it harder to stay calm and assertive.

The solution is to increase your options. The more women you meet, the more practice you get. This takes the pressure off any single interaction. You stop acting from scarcity and start acting from strength.

In my coaching, I often show clients how to build a dating funnel. At the top of the funnel is the number of women you meet. At the bottom are the women you end up dating or having intimacy with.

The more women you have at the top of the funnel, the more opportunities you have to practice saying no. Each time you do it, you grow calmer and more confident. Eventually, it becomes second nature.

That is why the ability to say no is not just a dating skill. It is a life skill. The same assertiveness works in business, friendships, and family dynamics. The more you can calmly say no, the more respect you generate everywhere in life.

The Secret to Making Women Respect You

The real secret to learning how to say no to women is understanding that attraction is built on polarity.

If you always say yes, there is no polarity. You are blending into the background like every other man who is desperate for approval.

But when you have boundaries, you create tension. That tension is exciting. It makes a woman wonder, “Why is this man different? Why is he not bending to my every request?”

That mystery is powerful. It positions you as the prize.

When you calmly say no, you are telling her without words that you are a man who values himself. You are not afraid of losing her. You are not afraid of being alone.

This confidence makes women lean in. They chase, they respect, and they want to earn a place in your life.

So, the next time you are faced with a situation where you feel uncomfortable, pressured, or disrespected, remember this: saying no is not rejection — it is leadership.

Conclusion: How to Say No to Women Without Fear

If you want to create the dating life you truly desire, you must master the art of setting boundaries. Learning how to say no to women is the foundation of building respect, attraction, and genuine connection.

Here is a recap of what we covered:

Boundaries equal respect. Without them, women will not take you seriously.
The biggest mistake men make is reacting emotionally when saying no. Stay calm.
Use short, direct phrases like “I am not comfortable with that” or “Let me finish.”
The more women you meet, the easier it becomes to practice setting boundaries.
Saying no is not rejection — it is a sign of strength, leadership, and self-worth.

The men who women respect most are not the ones who always say yes. They are the men who calmly and confidently say no when it matters.

If you start applying these steps today, you will notice an immediate shift in how women treat you. More respect. More attraction. More fulfilling connections.

Remember: a man who cannot say no will never live life on his own terms. A man who learns how to say no to women commands respect everywhere he goes.