How To Seduce A Woman | The Brand New Guide (2024)

How To Seduce A Woman | The Brand New Guide (2024)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this article, I will be outlining how to seduce a woman. This feature is geared towards how to develop yourself into becoming a more seductive man who has the ability to seduce with his words, his manner and his conversation.

Covered here:

  • Self-directed tools to enhance the way you speak to women (that seduce)
  • How to become a better conversationalist around women (instantly)
  • Critical conversational errors to be aware of (that turn women off)

Making the effort to improve your use of language and how you communicate will enrich the way that women perceive you. Moreover, it will animate the conversations you have with everyone that you meet.

You can also transform your dating life with our digital products and coaching courses.

How to seduce a woman indirectly?

The best way to seduce a woman is to do it indirectly, meaning in a more subtle way. This is where your conduct and content of conversation is more effective in a seduction, rather than making it overtly obvious to the woman that you are attracted to her.

When I think about the topic of being a seducer, I used to have an image in my mind of this audaciously energetic motivational man. You know the guy who has these pre-planned pick-up lines and techniques.

Yet, over the last 10 years of working as a professional dating coach, it can be wearing at times to witness this type of behaviour in bars, clubs and even during the day. This is a common mistake that many men make. They feel like they have to have this alter ego when they are trying to seduce a woman.

Be authentic

In reality, knowing how to seduce a woman is being able to take your everyday method of communicating and replicating this when speaking to women. In other words, the way you speak and converse should be in the same way that you talk to anyone.

A while back I was speaking to a friend of mine who is an actress. We were discussing the notion of how to be your ‘authentic’ self because essentially in being an actor or actress you are not being yourself. You are moving away from who you are to becoming someone else.

I find this an interesting concept because I teach people to move from where they are to gradually be more comfortable being themselves. And arguably it is just as difficult and just as complicated as acting because it can be challenging for many guys to feel comfortable in trying to seduce a woman.

Do not over-prepare

However, there are a few things you can do that will make a huge difference in becoming more seductive to women.

Now one of the most frustrating and banal things about men who are trying to seduce women is when they overly prepare. If you have to over-prepare what you want to say, perhaps even writing a script out in advance, where you are trying to remember all your words to get it perfect, any attempt at seduction is not going to go well.

It may result in:

In sum, you are going to become too nervous to speak naturally when the opportunity to approach and speak to an attractive woman arises.

Focus on connecting

Instead, if we contrast that with someone who is well-spoken. Who has informed opinions and can start a conversation with a woman in a natural manner that is congruent with his personality, here is what happens.

Your focus moves away from perfecting your lines to, instead, connecting with people. As a result, you come across as:

  • Relaxed and self-assured
  • Sincere in conversation
  • More memorable to women

When you are living and speaking in this manner you are not worried about what you are saying. It is more about going with the flow of the moment. Feeling the energy in the interaction with the woman that you are speaking to. Tuning into it and enjoying the connection. Indeed, this is a key aspect of any seductive man.

How to seduce a woman’s mind?

One impactful way to seduce a woman is to focus on seducing her mind. With this, I mean engage her in the conversation and invite her opinions on topics. Ensure any conversation you have is a dialogue rather than a monologue.

Engage in a dialogue

One common mistake is to speak solely about yourself with no consideration to the woman you are in conversation with. I cannot emphasize enough how off-putting this can be to women.

So, for example, when a man introduces himself and points out: “I’ve been doing this for 25 years and I’ve worked with this company… I’ve done this and I’ve done that.” In effect, he is making the dialogue about himself, rather than the woman. Speaking is more about his own ego and feeling good about himself.

Remember when seducing any woman is to consider your audience. By this I mean the focus should be more on inducing her into feeling comfortable in spending time with you. And additionally, to be invested in wanting to know more about you.

In short, if you are someone who tries to make the conversation all about yourself and your achievements it highlights insecurity. Moreover, it can put women off in an instant.

Consider your audience

When we think about engaging an attractive woman in dialogue, most of us envisage ourselves going up to her. We imagine delivering our opening words marvellously well and the conversation flowing from there. However, similarly to anyone who has delivered a speech in public, the issue with this thinking is you fall into that ego trap by making it about yourself, rather than connecting with the woman you are speaking to.

I understand that approaching and speaking to a woman in public can be daunting. If you suffer any form of anxiety about speaking to women I will now outline an empowering visualization technique that will help you. Simply imagine yourself sitting in an audience watching a speaker and being moved by something they say. What this does is allow you to become the observer of yourself.

This serves to:

  • Take the pressure off you
  • Give you a sense of detachment
  • Remove some anxiety about speaking

Importantly, it permits you to focus more on thoughts like, how can I change this woman’s perspective here? How can I influence her? How can I connect? Following this practice over time with change your life. You will find yourself concentrating less on feelings of anxiety and more on enjoying each conversation you have with women.

How to seduce women emotionally?

One of the best ways to seduce a woman is by appealing to her emotions. Again, here, it is important to be authentic in the way you communicate. This is why the best conversation topics to seduce women are topics that you care about. This way a woman can tune into that emotion. It makes it far easier for her to feel a connection with you.

You do not want to be one of these over-the-top men who are trying to seduce women by rote. Someone who has to elevate everything he says to attract a woman via an unthinking mechanical routine. If you operate this way then you are trying to persuade her to like you, rather than influencing her to be more invested in you.

Persuasion vs Influence

Let us consider the difference between persuasion and influence more generally. Persuasion is when you are trying to convince someone of something. You are persuading them to believe you. Yet, why do you need to persuade people?

Influence is really what you want to strive for in speaking to anyone in conversation. Within corporate coaching or the public speaking world, there is a lot of debate that takes place around this word ‘influence.’ With arguments that can easily be applied to dating.

In brief, influence is when you allow someone else to come up with the idea for themselves. This is undeniably where the magic happens.

Use story-telling

As a general example, I could speak about any topic such as public speaking or weight loss. I could give all these supporting statistics and figures. Yet, unless the person listening comes up with the idea themselves of how they can implement the information in their own life, you are not going to create any change.

However, this is where storytelling has a huge part to play in instilling change. For me, story-telling is really the only true way of giving context to your points. For example, I could say, “Here are the seven biggest common mistakes of public speaking… one two three four five six seven…” Still, this information is not going to make any difference to your life because you are going to forget it. After all, there is no context.

Yet, if you conveyed these mistakes in the form of a narrative the listener automatically becomes more receptive to absorbing the information in a way that remains with them. Likewise, if you use stories to speak to women you will come across in a way that is far more seductive and memorable.

Example of influential stories

I recently watched the movie, Castaway. This is essentially a film about someone who ends up in a version of hell. He tries to escape but keeps returning back there. Eventually, however, he figures it out and learns the tools to escape.

It is a brilliant film, with a concept that reminds me of The Count of Monte Cristo –  a thousand-page French classic book that is one of my favourites. If you haven’t read this book or listened to the audio version, I highly recommend you make the effort. You will not regret it. The premise is this naive 18 or 19-year-old who gets wrongly imprisoned for 15 years in the chateau d’If prison in France. He has to learn, reflect and develop his character so that he has the tools and abilities to escape and, moreover, put all his wrongs to right.

Another example that highlights the power of stories is a tv show called Locked Up Abroad. It is about people who find themselves imprisoned in foreign countries. With many being caught smuggling drugs or being taken hostage for various different reasons. The show depicts how they escaped and served their time but also, importantly, presents the lessons that they learned from this period.

Why stories influence

One particular episode that stood out to me is where this guy was travelling in a South American rainforest. He gets captured by revolutionaries who put him in this shabbily constructed cell in the forest. After a month he tries to escape. Unfortunately, he ends up being re-caught and put back in his cell, only this time his captors lock his feet in a heavy wooden block. Our guy once again finds a way to free himself and escape, but now his energy levels are so low he can barely crawl away so is easily captured. His captors finally dig a hole in the ground and cover him up with soil to his neck so he is unable to move at all. A harrowing tale, yet filled with life lessons.

The above stories are fantastic analogies or metaphors for what life is like when you are trying to change any aspect of it. You try and change and you can end up coming back to where you were at the start, even arguably worse a lot of the time.

Perhaps you are unhappily overweight, not earning enough money or living in the wrong location. You want to change and you think this should be quite a simple process. But then you try it, and you realize that any form of change is, at heart, very difficult. This is crucially where influence comes in. Because by hearing stories of people who have done something similar, all of a sudden we can envisage ourselves achieving a comparable goal.

How stories seduce

Outlined above are illustrations of how you can share wisdom via the use of storytelling to women which makes you come across as articulate, well-spoken and interesting. After all, having the ability to tell stories is powerful because stories influence. Stories allow us to remember. They also allow us to see into our future and what lies ahead. I am a huge advocate of reading autobiographies or listening to success manuals because they help me to see where other people have gone wrong and any pitfalls that I might encounter. Reading other people’s stories also makes you a better conversationalist with everyone – including women – because it gives you more things to talk about.

Self-awareness is an attractive quality; by being aware of where you are and how you can improve. And if you think you are a great seducer, trust me, you are not because there are so many things that you do not know and cannot know until decades and decades of learning and speaking. You can always improve at telling stories and get better at connecting.

How to seduce a woman using your words?

The most impactful way to be seductive to any woman via your words is to consider your vocabulary and choice of words when you speak.

About a decade ago I bought myself a kindle. When I thought I knew what a word meant I would highlight it. I would spend some time really understanding the meaning of that word. Then I would envisage how I could use it when speaking to others.

Your vocabulary

This improvement in the way you speak does not happen overnight. Rather, what happens is over a period of 10 years, your vocabulary becomes 10 times more powerful. This is because you have access to a wider vocabulary. Moreover, you have taken the time to implant the words into your everyday speech.

Something I used to do was use the word ‘illuminate’ all the time. For example “…that really illuminated the point.” I thought to myself what is a more potent way to say this? So, instead, I started using ‘pull from the darkness’ as a more compelling alternative.

Reviewing how you come across in conversation is vital. If your vocabulary is limited or you find yourself relying on the same words and phrases to make a point, then consider alternatives. This will make a significant improvement to the way women perceive you.

Conversation ammunition

Another way to be a better seducer with your words is to broaden your horizons about what to talk about. So here I have spoken about a tv show, a film, as well as a French classic novel. The reason why I can talk about these things is that I have spent the time learning and experiencing different elements to add to my life. This has allowed me to draw upon them when I speak to people.

Taking the time to read and learn from others will only serve to make you a more interesting conversationalist to the women that you meet. As a result, you will

  • Become more engaging
  • Be able to speak on a wide range of topics
  • Be more confident and comfortable in conversation

To be more seductive, you need to assess the areas where you are weak with honesty and improve them. This means having self-awareness, which I mentioned earlier. By educating your mind you will be able to talk to women about a wider variety of topics and in a more eloquent manner.

How can I be more seductive?

To be a more seductive man you need to be more comfortable and content with being who you are. Or more precisely being who you want to be.

What I am going to say next may sound slightly left-field, however, there is a point to draw upon. I have been working with actresses for 10 years of varying degrees of talent. The ones that seemingly become successful are those who act every day. They practise each day honing their craft and making self-tapes because they recognize it is the only way to improve. This is instead of focusing their energies on networking or desperately trying to meet other people in the industry.

Social intelligence

For any man who wants to excel at seducing a woman, it is important to take the time to think about and adopt the qualities that women find seductive. These include for example:

  • Having empathy
  • Being a good listener
  • The ability to converse with a wide range of people

To become a better conversationalist and a more articulate speaker around women one immediate thing you can do is practice speaking in general. This means work on approaching people and having different conversations with strangers. It means putting more effort into connecting with each individual that you speak to and being conscious of your audience.

In sum, you improve your social intelligence. When you do that you will naturally transition to being more self-assured in your demeanour and, in turn, a more seductive man.


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  • Avoid making the topic of conversation about you and your achievements
  • Seduce by being authentic and connecting with women in conversation
  • Use influence rather than persuasion
  • Develop your vocabulary and choice of words
  • Improve your social intelligence by speaking to more women

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
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