How To Overcome Anxiety Around Attractive Women

How To Overcome Anxiety Around Attractive Women

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

In this blog, I will teach you how to overcome anxiety around attractive women.

An as accredited therapist, I am able to examine various therapy models and explain the best strategies that you can use right away.

You can also transform your dating life with our digital products and coaching courses.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – Challenge Your Thoughts

CBT is a widely-used approach in psychology that helps individuals identify and change unhealthy thought patterns.

It operates on the belief that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all interconnected.

When it comes to anxiety around attractive women, the first step is to identify the negative thoughts you’re experiencing.

Action step

  • Write down the thoughts that arise when you are near attractive women.
  • This process will help you recognize the thought patterns that might be contributing to your anxiety.
  • Once you’ve identified these thoughts, challenge them.

Ask yourself if they’re realistic, or if there is any evidence to support them.

If not, replace them with healthier, more positive thoughts.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – Embrace Your Feelings

ACT emphasizes the importance of accepting uncomfortable feelings instead of trying to suppress or control them.

By embracing your anxiety, you can prevent it from controlling your actions.

Action step

  • Instead of trying to get rid of your anxiety, allow yourself to experience it.
  • Recognize it as a natural human emotion and remind yourself that it’s okay to feel anxious.
  • Next, focus on your values and commit to acting in accordance with them.

Identify what’s truly important to you, such as forming meaningful connections or having genuine conversations with others, and prioritize those values over your temporary feelings of anxiety.

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) – Be Present

MBSR teaches the importance of being present and fully engaged in the moment, rather than dwelling on past experiences or anticipating future ones.

This approach can help you redirect your attention away from your anxiety and towards the present moment, making it easier to connect with others.

Action step

  • When you find yourself feeling anxious around attractive women, practice mindfulness by focusing on your breath.
  • Take slow, deep breaths, and concentrate on the sensation of the air filling your lungs and leaving your body.

This will help ground you in the present moment and ease your anxiety.

Exposure Therapy – Gradual Desensitization

Exposure therapy, a cornerstone of behavioral therapy, involves gradually facing the situations or stimuli that trigger anxiety.

The goal is to decrease your fear or anxiety over time, as you become more familiar and comfortable with the situation.

Action step

  • Start by placing yourself in low-stress environments where you may encounter attractive women, such as casual social events or public places.
  • As your comfort level increases, gradually progress to more challenging scenarios, like approaching someone you find attractive and starting a conversation.

Remember, progress may be slow, but consistency is key.

Self-Compassion – Treat Yourself with Kindness

Being kind to yourself can make a significant difference in managing anxiety.

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same understanding and empathy that you would extend to a friend in a similar situation.

Action step

  • When you’re feeling anxious around attractive women, remind yourself that everyone experiences anxiety at some point.
  • Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel this way and that you’re not alone.

Instead of criticizing yourself for feeling anxious, offer yourself words of encouragement and support.

Social Skills Training – Develop Confidence in Communication

Social skills training focuses on teaching and enhancing essential communication skills, which can greatly improve your confidence when interacting with attractive women.

This can involve learning active listening, effective verbal communication, and reading body language cues.

Action step

  • Practice your communication skills in various social settings, and ask for feedback from trusted friends or mentors.
  • You can also attend workshops or read books on effective communication.

As your skills improve, you’ll likely notice a decrease in anxiety when speaking to attractive women, as you become more confident in your ability to engage in meaningful conversations.


  • Overcoming anxiety around attractive women doesn’t happen overnight
  • As you apply these techniques you will gradually feel more relaxed
  • This will help you to meet, attract and date the women you desire


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  1. Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427-440. This meta-analysis provides robust evidence for the efficacy of CBT in treating a variety of psychological disorders, including anxiety. It supports the idea that CBT can be an effective approach to addressing anxiety around attractive women.
  2. Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes, and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1-25. This research paper outlines the theoretical model, therapeutic processes, and outcomes of ACT. Additionally, it demonstrates the effectiveness of this therapy in improving psychological well-being, including managing anxiety.
  3. Khoury, B., Lecomte, T., Fortin, G., Masse, M., Therien, P., Bouchard, V., … & Hofmann, S. G. (2013). Mindfulness-based therapy: A comprehensive meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 33(6), 763-771. This comprehensive meta-analysis demonstrates the effectiveness of mindfulness-based therapies, including MBSR, in reducing symptoms of various psychological disorders such as anxiety and depression.
  4. Wolitzky-Taylor, K. B., Horowitz, J. D., Powers, M. B., & Telch, M. J. (2008). Psychological approaches in the treatment of specific phobias: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 28(6), 1021-1037. This meta-analysis supports the effectiveness of exposure therapy for the treatment of specific phobias and anxiety-related issues. Additionally, it provides evidence for the potential effectiveness of exposure therapy in reducing anxiety around attractive women.
  5. Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44. This study demonstrates the effectiveness of a self-compassion program, which includes mindfulness and self-kindness exercises, in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression.
  6. Turner, S. M., Beidel, D. C., & Larkin, K. T. (1986). Situational determinants of social anxiety in clinic and nonclinic samples: Physiological and cognitive correlates. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 54(4), 523-527. This study demonstrates the effectiveness of social skills training for individuals with social anxiety, suggesting that it could also be useful in addressing anxiety around attractive women.

Written by Gary Gunn

Gary Gunn is a trained coach, accredited therapist and best selling author. He offers proven, evidence-based dating advice for single men.

He has hosted over 1,000 in-person dating confidence courses across the UK and Europe, as well as over 1,500 online courses.

As the head coach at Social Attraction, he leads the team and oversees the training and courses provided, helping countless men transform their dating lives.
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