Should You Be the Nice Guy or the Bad Boy?

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

8 August 2025

Should you be the nice guy or the bad boy?

People will tell you that you can only attract women if you adopt the bad boy mentality. Whereas a lot of us feel like the nice guy, right? We feel like we have moral integrity. We feel like we have standards. We feel like we’re up front.

So why would you change from being who you are to fake it in order to attract women into your life?

My name’s Gary Gunn. In today’s post, I’m going to clear up the myth of the bad boy. And I’m going to make it abundantly clear how you can attract women by being the nice guy.

If you’re bored of listening to other people or perhaps other coaches telling you to change everything about your personality, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to.

Just walk down the street in any busy city around the world and you will see attractive women with guys that clearly aren’t bad boys. You’ll see attractive women with guys that clearly aren’t wealthy. You’ll see attractive women with guys that aren’t in good physical condition.

So when you look online, why is all the advice lying to you?

Because it’s very easy to explain stuff based on what you don’t have. You don’t have the dating life you want because you’re not in good enough condition, because you don’t dress well enough, because you don’t have an attitude. All of these reasons focus on what you’re lacking rather than what you already have and how to build upon it.

When I work with my clients, I look at what they already have and I build on it. That is where real attraction comes from.

Table of Contents

What Makes You a Nice Guy?

If you feel like you are moving away from who you are to try and attract women, let me clear that up for you.

Let me start by talking about myself. I’m very creative. I like learning new things. Am I going to be compatible with a woman just because she’s attractive? Obviously not.

Knowing this about me, where do you think I would meet women that I like?

Is it going to be in bars and nightclubs? Probably not.

Where am I likely to meet the women I want to meet? It’s places that are creative and places that I already enjoy going to.

So it doesn’t matter whether you’re a nice guy or whether you think you’re a bad boy. What’s more important is whether you are committing to who you are. Are you doing the things that you enjoy doing rather than trying to be something you’re not?

You’ll often hear the word authenticity, which is a term that’s overused. I prefer a different term.

Be Radically Yourself

Rather than say authenticity, I prefer to call it being radically yourself. Being unapologetic about who you are.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re into martial arts or whether you’re into playing computer games. What matters more is that you are comfortable with who you are. You are comfortable with your decisions. You are comfortable being yourself.

I would go as far as to say that a bad boy is anyone that goes against the grain.

If society tells you that you shouldn’t do a certain thing and you do it anyway, that’s the definition of a bad boy.

If society tells you that playing video games is something you shouldn’t be doing and you still do it, you’re a bad boy.

Think about it in your own life. What things do you do that make you go against the grain?

I have my own business doing the things that I love. I go against the grain because I don’t listen to traditional advice. I am a bad boy because I don’t follow what people tell me to do.

I read and study for two or three hours a day. I don’t go and party or get drunk. I’m going against the grain.

Another word for a bad boy is the term maverick. Are you a maverick?

Why You’re Being Misled About What Attracts Women

What I’ve experienced coaching people is that you are being misled into thinking that what you like doing isn’t cool or exciting just because it wasn’t popular when you were at school. Or just because the people you perceive as successful aren’t doing it.

I couldn’t think of anything worse than having to go to bars and nightclubs to try and meet women. I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t like loud places. I don’t like late nights.

So for me, the guy who gets drunk, stays up all night and doesn’t care can have his bad boy image. Because I don’t care. For me, he’s doing what everyone else does. He’s escaping his problems and chasing things.

Whereas I don’t do that. I like doing the things I like doing. There’s stability within me. I’m not easily moved because I’ve explored many parts of my personality. I recognize what makes me who I am and I love those parts.

So as you’re reading this, ask yourself:

What are some things in your life that aren’t conventional but you really enjoy?

It could be coding. It doesn’t really matter what it is.

Make a list of things where you go against the grain.

And I’ll explain in a moment why that’s important.

Frame It Like a Maverick

Once you’ve made that list, the next step is to learn how to articulate them in conversation like a maverick. Like a bad boy.

Let’s say you like reading.

How do you frame reading in a way that shows strength, independence, and conviction?

In my own life, I would say this:

I grew up in a family where no one had ever read a book. My parents had their own businesses. All my family are entrepreneurs. But no one ever read. In fact, I was laughed at when I started reading. But I chose to go my own way. And it’s one of the best decisions of my life.

You can tell just from that example that I sound strong. I sound like I have conviction over something as simple as reading. And it’s a true story.

We all possess stories like this.

How to Frame Your Interests as Attractive

Let’s take another example. Suppose I enjoy something like art therapy. I like drawing. I enjoy expressing how I feel by sketching or illustrating. But in the therapeutic world, this is often met with resistance. Many professionals push for somatic therapy or rational dialogue as the “correct” methods.

However, I go against the grain. I do what works for me. I love art therapy because it makes a real, instant difference to how I feel, regardless of what others say.

When you articulate things like that, there’s strength in your voice. It shows you’ve made a deliberate choice that aligns with your truth. And that’s powerful.

If you haven’t picked up on it yet, the key framing technique here is “me against the world.” That’s the essence of what people interpret as the bad boy energy. It’s about carving your own path. Going your own way. Standing up and saying, “I’m doing this, and I don’t care what society thinks.”

You can apply this to almost anything.

Let’s say it’s about food. Everyone says to follow a particular diet trend. But maybe you’ve found what works for you. Maybe you eat in a way that helps you feel amazing, and you don’t care that it doesn’t fit the mainstream advice. That’s your edge. That’s your uniqueness.

The magic of this mindset is that women find it attractive. Not because you’re putting on a show, but because you’re demonstrating conviction.

And the best part? You haven’t changed who you are. You’ve just upgraded the way you communicate about who you are.

Stop Hiding Your Personality

Here’s something that happens all the time. You meet a woman you really like. But you’re unsure if she’ll like you back. So you start shrinking. You talk around the things that really matter to you. You soften the edges of your personality.

But in doing so, you cut out the very things that make you magnetic.

Think about it. If everyone just followed the same dating advice — go to the gym, get bigger muscles, dress better — you’re all competing on the same shallow playing field.

Instead, start from your truth. Maybe you do like going to the gym. That’s fine. But what type of training do you do that’s different from everyone else?

Maybe you like distance running instead of heavy weightlifting. Why? What’s the story there?

Let’s say you don’t even like the gym. Let’s say you enjoy hiking. Why that instead? There’s a deeper story behind your preferences. And that story is attractive.

It’s your story of how you go your own way.

Every Life Choice is a Statement

Even something as basic as where you live can be framed in this way. Why do you live in your current city or town? Is it because it aligns with your values? Your lifestyle? Your personality?

That’s what I mean when I say every decision is an opportunity. It’s an opening for you to say, “This is who I am. This is the path I chose.”

In my case, I produce content for a living. And I get a lot of hate online. Enough hate that many people would simply stop. But I don’t.

Because this is what I do. I’m not swayed by every opinion. I have an internal compass. I trust myself. I know what I’m building.

Again, this isn’t about pretending. It’s not about posturing. It’s about living your truth and expressing it with clarity and confidence.

What If Your Hobbies Are Boring?

Now, you might be wondering — what if your hobbies seem boring? How do you make them sound attractive?

Let’s say you love coding. It’s not a mainstream “cool” activity. But how do you frame that?

You could say something like:

“Most people think coding is dull and robotic. And to be fair, most people approach it that way. But I don’t. I’ve always looked at coding as a creative process. I write my own rules. I experiment. I challenge the way things are done. I know not everyone in the industry likes that, but I’m not doing it for them. I’m doing it for me. And it’s thrilling.”

That framing shows confidence. It shows you’re a maverick. You’re doing something because it resonates with you, not because it scores popularity points.

You Are Already Enough — Learn to Show It

The big shift here is that you don’t need to change who you are. You just need to change how you present who you are. And when you learn to articulate your truth like this, you become magnetic.

Because instead of trying to get women to like you, you become someone who’s simply showing up fully. And that’s what draws the right women in.

Speak with Energy or Don’t Speak at All

Let’s bring it full circle.

If there’s one thing I want you to take from this, it’s this: when you speak, bring energy. Whether it’s telling a story, sharing an opinion, or expressing interest in someone — if there’s no energy, there’s no magnetism.

You don’t need to be theatrical. You don’t need to shout in public places. But you do need to animate your face, use your arms, speak with conviction, and commit to your words.

Because energy is how we signal value. And when a woman hears you speak with power and presence, she feels it. She doesn’t have to be told you’re confident. She can feel that you are.

And you can train this.

How to Practice Storytelling With Energy

Here’s a practical drill: grab your phone and record yourself telling a story. Then do it again, this time using your arms, facial expressions, and movement. Watch both versions. You’ll instantly see the difference.

This isn’t about faking it. It’s about removing the brakes you’ve been putting on yourself for years. Stop muting your personality. Stop toning things down to avoid judgment.

Instead, own it. Your stories. Your opinions. Your past. Your dreams. All of it.

And when you do — when you show up like that — you’ll notice something very interesting.

You no longer care whether a woman likes you instantly. Because you like you. You respect how you speak. You admire the way you show up.

That’s the foundation of real attraction.

Final Thoughts

So if you’ve been struggling with how to engage women when you speak, remember — the problem isn’t your story. The problem is your energy.

Speak like someone who has something worth saying.

Move your body.

Use your voice.

Feel what you’re saying.

And know that the more energy you give, the more attention — and attraction — you’ll get in return.

If you want to go deeper into the storytelling frameworks I teach my clients, take a look at my digital training or apply to work with me one-to-one. There’s no faster way to build this skill than with direct, expert feedback.

The next version of you — the one who speaks with presence, charisma, and authenticity — is already in there. You just need to bring him to the surface.