How to Spot Red Flags in Women Fast

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

3 October 2025

There are two things you need to concern yourself with when it comes to red flags in women. The first is deceit, which comes from the words she uses. The second is feigning, which comes from her body language.

My name is Gary Gunn and I am a professional dating coach with 17 years of experience. In this post, I am going to help you identify red flags in women early so you can save yourself time and energy. By the end, you will understand how to work out whether a woman is being honest with you or if she has ulterior motives.

I am also going to explain how you as a man can carry red flags as well. Both men and women are capable of deceit and feigning in dating. This makes it an important topic to address for both sides.

Table of Contents

What Is a Red Flag in Women

A red flag is essentially a giant warning sign that there is a lack of compatibility.

Everyone’s red flags are different. For example, my red flag could be if a woman is obsessed with social media. Your red flag might be if she lies often. Another man’s red flag might be if she is texting other guys when they first meet.

Red flags in women show up in two main ways. Through her words and through her body language.

Looking at Your Own Red Flags First

Before we dive deeper into spotting red flags in women, it is important to recognize your own.

Isn’t it true that sometimes when you speak to a woman you find attractive, you bend the truth a little? You might say you are more successful than you really are. You might act more adventurous than you actually feel.

That is called deceit. If you want to get better at spotting deceit in women, you first need to be aware of when you are doing it yourself.

Feigning is another area that applies to both men and women. Men often do this by wearing an expensive fake watch, spending money on clothes they cannot afford, or dressing in a way that gives off higher status than they actually have. That is feigning status.

Deceit and Feigning in Women

Now let’s look at how deceit and feigning show up in women.

Deceit with words can be lying about age, lying about intentions, or even lying about relationship status. A woman might say she is single when she is not. A man might do the same.

Feigning can show up in appearance. Examples include cosmetic surgery to appear younger, heavy makeup to cover things up, or wearing a push-up bra to exaggerate features.

Now, people often say they do these things for themselves, and that might be true. But here is the reality: you can never know for sure. All you can do is observe. If someone says they are doing it to feel confident, you have no way of proving or disproving that. All you can do is notice the behavior in front of you.

Identifying What Red Flags Matter to You

The first step in spotting red flags in women is to decide what you are not willing to tolerate in your dating life.

This takes time and reflection. One useful exercise is to sit down and think about what frustrated you in past relationships. Write down things that you do not want again.

For example:

I do not like a partner who spends too much time on social media
I do not like a partner who constantly texts other men
I do not like a partner who keeps in touch with ex-boyfriends

After you write down your frustrations, you can build a list of non-negotiables. These are the boundaries you refuse to compromise on in your dating life.

Being Honest About Your Boundaries

Let’s take the example of not wanting to date a woman who uses social media. Many people would say that is unreasonable, but for some men it is a serious boundary.

Some of my clients, many of whom are highly successful, refuse to date women who have social media accounts. For them, it is a major red flag.

So imagine you meet a woman, find her attractive, and start a conversation. During the conversation, you notice she is always on her phone. You ask if she has social media, and she says yes, she has Instagram. At that point, you need to have the confidence to say, I don’t date women who use social media.

If you hide your feelings and keep seeing her, you are being deceitful to yourself and to her. You are also feigning interest in a woman who carries a red flag for you.

In my experience, many women have chosen to delete social media to date my clients. They decided that the relationship was more important than keeping those accounts.

Boundaries Are Not Controlling

Some people might see this as controlling. I understand why they might think that, but it is not.

You are entitled to your boundaries, just as she is entitled to hers. If she wants to be with you and deletes social media, that is her choice. You did not manipulate or control her. You simply stated your red flag openly and honestly.

The key point is to be upfront. If you are honest, you avoid deceit and feigning. That is what creates healthier interactions.

Observing Red Flags in Real Time

Once you have your list of red flags, you will be able to notice them more easily.

For example, in my advanced training courses with clients, we role play conversations to practice spotting red flags. We bring in models to simulate real-world scenarios.

This makes it easier for men to identify deceit and feigning in body language and words.

Examples of Women Feigning Interest

Feigning is very common in nightlife settings. If you go to bars or clubs, you will see women feigning interest to get free drinks, access to VIP areas, or dinners.

You may not always know their intentions, but you can observe patterns. For example, women often start conversations with men who are about to buy drinks at the bar. It is a common situation. Whether she is genuinely interested or only wants a drink does not matter. What matters is that the possibility exists and you are aware of it.

Why Context Matters With Red Flags in Women

When it comes to spotting red flags in women, context is everything.

Let’s take the example of being at a bar. If a woman approaches you while you are standing at the bar about to order drinks, you need to pause and ask yourself why. Is she genuinely interested in you, or is she feigning interest because she wants you to buy her a drink?

The truth is you will never know for certain. But what you can do is observe patterns and use logic. In my experience, women are far more likely to strike up conversations in these exact moments. The important part is that you become aware of the possibility and protect your energy and attention.

Sometimes you will be right. Occasionally you may be wrong. But by paying attention to behavior instead of taking words at face value, you will improve your awareness of red flags in women.

Why Men Struggle With Red Flags

Most men struggle to spot red flags in women because they do not have enough dating options. When you are starved of affection, it feels like being starved of oxygen.

So when an attractive woman finally shows interest, it feels like you can breathe again. You feel alive, validated, and worthy. That overwhelming feeling clouds your judgment and makes it harder to see the truth.

In that state, even obvious red flags can go unnoticed. This is why building abundance in your dating life is so important.

Step One: Meet More Women

The first step to avoiding red flags in women is to simply meet more women.

When you have more options, you will not feel desperate or attached to the first attractive woman who pays you attention. Instead, you will have perspective and freedom of choice.

The more women you meet in your daily life, the more opportunities you create. And the more opportunities you create, the less likely you are to fall into the trap of overlooking warning signs.

Step Two: Ask Better Questions

Once you are meeting more women, the next step is to shift the way you interact with them. Most men approach conversations from a place of seeking validation. They think things like:

Is what I am saying attractive enough
Does she like me
Am I doing the right things

These are the wrong questions. They place the woman in control of your self-worth. Instead, you should flip the script and ask questions that help you spot red flags in women.

For example:
How often do you use social media
What is your relationship like with your family
Do you still speak to your ex-boyfriends
Would you like to have children in the future

These types of questions are powerful because they reveal potential red flags early. They also make you more attractive, because you are not chasing validation. Instead, you are leading the interaction with confidence.

Why This Approach Saves Time

Learning to spot red flags in women is not just about protecting yourself emotionally. It is also about saving years of your life.

If you ignore the warning signs, you can waste weeks, months, or even years on the wrong person. Relationships built on deceit or feigning rarely end well.

By asking direct questions and observing body language, you can identify problems early. This allows you to walk away before investing too much time or energy.

The Full Circle Effect of Deceit

Something I have noticed in my years of coaching is that deceit often comes full circle. If you are dishonest with women, that dishonesty usually comes back to you.

For example, if you lie about your career, your income, or your lifestyle, you will often attract women who are also deceitful. If you pretend to be something you are not, you are more likely to attract partners who are pretending too.

This is why the best step you can take is to remove deceit from your own life. Stop lying. Stop pretending. Be clear and honest about who you are and what you want.

Stop Feigning With Your Body Language

The same goes for feigning. Many men feign status by wearing fake jewelry, expensive suits they cannot afford, or other symbols of wealth.

If this is not truly who you are, it is a red flag to yourself as much as to her. You are pretending to be someone else, and that energy will attract women who value the mask instead of the real man.

The better choice is to show up authentically. If a woman is not interested in who you really are, that in itself is a red flag. She is only interested in the version of you that you pretended to be.

Why Honesty Attracts Better Women

Being honest about who you are has a second benefit: it makes you more attractive to the right women.

When you stop trying to feign success and status, you show strength. You show that you are not afraid of rejection and that you value yourself as you are.

This level of authenticity is rare, and women notice it. While some may not be interested, the ones who are will be far better suited for a genuine relationship.

Turning Awareness Into a Habit

The goal is to make awareness of red flags in women a natural habit. At first, it may feel like hard work to remember your non-negotiables, ask better questions, and notice deceit or feigning.

But over time, this process becomes second nature. You will spot red flags quickly, sometimes within the first few minutes of interaction. And when you do, you can confidently walk away knowing you saved yourself wasted energy.

This is one of the most valuable skills in dating because it allows you to invest only in women who align with your standards and values.

Why Red Flags in Women Are Easy to Miss

The challenge with red flags in women is that they often appear subtle at first. A small lie, a slight inconsistency in her story, or a small shift in body language may not seem important at the time. But these little things add up, and over weeks or months they reveal bigger patterns.

Men often miss these early signals because they are too focused on attraction. When you are caught up in how beautiful a woman is or how much you want her to like you, you overlook things that should concern you. That is why awareness is so important. The earlier you notice these signs, the faster you can make better choices.

Why Standards Protect You

One of the biggest mistakes men make is lowering their standards because they are afraid of losing the opportunity. You might notice she is dishonest, but you let it slide because you are attracted to her. Or you notice she flirts with other men in front of you, but you justify it as harmless.

This is where standards matter. Your standards are your shield against wasting time. If you have a clear list of red flags in women that you will not tolerate, you can use that list to hold yourself accountable. When you see a red flag, you act on it instead of ignoring it.

Common Red Flags in Women

Although everyone’s red flags are personal, there are common ones that many men should be aware of.

Here are a few examples:

Constantly on social media
Flirting with other men in front of you
Still maintaining close contact with ex-boyfriends
Dishonesty about age, job, or relationship history
Using body language or appearance to feign interest without genuine attraction
Seeking validation from other men while in a relationship

The key is not just knowing these general red flags in women, but deciding which ones you personally will not accept.

How Red Flags in Women Connect to Long-Term Happiness

Your dating life is not just about the short term. The woman you choose will affect your long-term happiness, your peace of mind, and even your success in other areas of life.

If you ignore red flags in women early, those same issues will become much bigger later on. A small problem when you are dating casually can turn into a major problem if you move in together, get married, or start a family.

This is why paying attention early is crucial. Spotting red flags now can save you years of stress and regret.

How to Build Confidence While Avoiding Red Flags

Many men hesitate to walk away when they notice red flags because they fear they will not find anyone better. This is a lack of confidence and abundance.

The solution is to build your dating life so you always have options. The more women you meet, the less pressure you feel to settle for someone who does not align with your values. Confidence grows when you realize you are not dependent on one woman to feel good about yourself.

This mindset shift is powerful. It allows you to calmly notice red flags in women and walk away without fear.

Training Yourself to Notice Deceit

One useful exercise I recommend is to practice observing body language and words in everyday life, not just with women you are dating.

For example, pay attention when colleagues speak. Do their words match their expressions? Do their actions line up with what they say? Over time, this builds your ability to spot deceit quickly.

When you apply this skill to dating, you will notice inconsistencies faster. If a woman says one thing but her actions reveal something else, you will be able to trust your observations instead of ignoring them.

The Role of Feigning in Attraction

Feigning is particularly interesting in dating because it can look very convincing. A woman might hold strong eye contact, smile often, or laugh at everything you say. On the surface, this seems like genuine attraction.

But context matters. If she is doing this at a bar while you are buying drinks, it could be feigning. If she does it while also texting other men, it could be a tactic to keep your attention without real interest.

The important thing is not to become paranoid but to stay aware. When you notice patterns of feigning interest without follow-through, it is often a red flag.

Why Asking Direct Questions Works

Another effective way to uncover red flags in women is by asking direct questions. Many men are afraid to do this because they think it will scare women away. But in reality, asking direct questions shows confidence.

Questions like:
Do you still speak to your ex-boyfriends
How important is social media to you
Would you like to have a family in the future

These questions reveal values and priorities. If her answers reveal red flags, you have clarity early. And if she does not like you asking, that itself can be a red flag. A confident woman will respect your honesty and your willingness to set boundaries.

Why Honesty With Yourself Matters

The hardest part about spotting red flags in women is being honest with yourself. It is easy to make excuses because you are attracted to her. It is easy to convince yourself that things will change.

But honesty with yourself is non-negotiable. If you see a red flag and ignore it, you are choosing short-term attraction over long-term happiness. Being truthful with yourself is the first step toward building relationships that actually work.

Building a Healthier Dating Life

The overall goal of understanding red flags in women is to create a healthier, more fulfilling dating life. By identifying deceit and feigning early, you avoid unnecessary pain. By holding clear standards, you only invest in women who align with your values.

Over time, this leads to better relationships, stronger confidence, and more happiness. It also saves you from years of wasted effort with the wrong partners.

The truth is that red flags in women are not meant to scare you. They are meant to guide you. If you can learn to spot them early, you will be free to focus your energy on the women who are truly right for you.

Why Many Men Ignore Red Flags in Women

Even when men know a woman is showing red flags, they often choose to ignore them. The reason is simple: attraction clouds judgment. When you are strongly attracted to someone, it becomes easy to explain away behavior that would normally bother you.

You might tell yourself she will change. You might convince yourself that you are overreacting. Or you may simply avoid the issue because you fear losing her.

The problem is that ignoring red flags in women only delays the inevitable. What begins as a small issue early in dating will eventually become a major problem in a relationship.

How Red Flags Become Relationship Patterns

A red flag you ignore at the start usually becomes a consistent pattern later. For example, if she constantly flirts with other men in the early stages, she is likely to continue doing so in a relationship. If she lies about small details in the beginning, those lies can grow larger over time.

By recognizing this, you can save yourself years of frustration. Early red flags are warnings about long-term incompatibility. The sooner you acknowledge them, the easier it is to make the right decision.

Why Self-Awareness Is Key

Spotting red flags in women requires self-awareness. If you are not honest about your own behavior, it is harder to recognize the same traits in others.

For example, if you are dishonest about your income or exaggerate your success, you may not notice when a woman is deceitful about her own life. You are blinded by your own lack of honesty.

This is why I tell my clients that personal integrity is the foundation of successful dating. When you stop lying, stop pretending, and stop feigning, you see the world more clearly. You notice dishonesty faster because you are no longer doing it yourself.

Why Abundance Helps You Say No

A big reason men stay in relationships with women who show red flags is scarcity. If you believe you have limited options, you feel pressured to hold on to the one woman who gives you attention.

But when you have abundance in your dating life, you no longer feel trapped. Meeting new women consistently gives you confidence that walking away is always an option. Abundance makes it much easier to say no when you see red flags in women.

Questions That Reveal Red Flags in Women

Asking direct questions is one of the most effective ways to identify potential problems. Here are some questions you can use:

How do you usually spend your weekends
What role does social media play in your life
Do you believe in staying friends with ex-boyfriends
How important is honesty in a relationship
What do you value most in a partner

These questions are not just about the answers. They are about how she responds. If she avoids the question, changes the subject, or becomes defensive, that itself may reveal a red flag.

Why Observing Actions Matters More Than Words

One of the most important lessons in dating is that actions matter more than words. Anyone can say the right things, but consistent behavior is what reveals the truth.

If she says she values honesty but you catch her lying, her actions reveal the reality. If she says she is serious about a relationship but spends all her time flirting with other men, her behavior shows otherwise.

When you pay more attention to actions than words, spotting red flags in women becomes much easier.

The Link Between Red Flags and Boundaries

Red flags in women are directly tied to your boundaries. If you have not defined your boundaries, it becomes easy to overlook behavior that should not be acceptable.

For example, if you have not decided how you feel about a partner using social media, you might let it slide even if it bothers you. But if you clearly know that constant social media use is a red flag, you can confidently address it.

Boundaries make it possible to separate what is acceptable from what is not. Without them, you will always be at risk of tolerating things that drain your energy.

How Confidence Changes the Dynamic

Confidence is not just about being able to talk to women. It is also about being able to walk away when necessary.

When you have confidence, you no longer cling to situations that do not serve you. If a woman shows red flags, you can calmly end the interaction. You are not desperate for her approval.

This makes you far more attractive, because women can sense when a man is secure in himself. Ironically, the more willing you are to walk away from red flags in women, the more likely you are to attract women who respect you.

Why Many Red Flags Are Easy to Justify

Part of the challenge is that many red flags are easy to explain away. A woman might say she only lies about small things, or that her flirting is harmless, or that her obsession with social media is normal.

These justifications make it tempting to overlook the behavior. But just because something is common does not mean it is acceptable for you.

The real question is whether you are willing to live with that behavior long term. If the answer is no, then it is a red flag you should act on.

Turning Red Flags Into Lessons

Instead of viewing red flags in women as negative experiences, you can see them as lessons. Every time you spot a red flag and walk away, you strengthen your boundaries. You prove to yourself that you can stay true to your standards.

Over time, this builds your confidence and clarity. You learn more about what you want and what you will not tolerate. This makes your dating life more efficient and more fulfilling.

Why Red Flags in Women Should Not Make You Cynical

It is important to say that noticing red flags should not make you negative or cynical about women. Every person has flaws, and not every mistake is a dealbreaker.

The goal is not to become suspicious of every woman you meet. The goal is to be clear about your standards and act when you notice patterns of deceit or feigning.

With the right mindset, red flags in women become useful tools for protecting your time, energy, and happiness.

Why You Cannot Afford to Ignore Red Flags in Women

When you ignore red flags in women, you are not only putting your dating life at risk, you are also risking your emotional well-being. Relationships are meant to enhance your life, not drain it. If you consistently look past deceit or feigning, you will eventually end up in relationships that leave you frustrated, insecure, and unfulfilled.

The key is to remind yourself that your time and energy are valuable. Every day you spend with the wrong person is a day you could be spending on personal growth or with someone more aligned with your values.

The Pain of Wasted Time

One of the hardest truths in dating is realizing you wasted months or years with someone who showed red flags early on. This regret is painful because deep down you knew something was wrong, but you chose to ignore it.

This is why spotting red flags in women early is so powerful. It gives you the ability to walk away before you get too invested. Instead of wasting time trying to fix someone or waiting for them to change, you can focus on building connections with women who are genuinely right for you.

Why Men Often Tolerate Red Flags

Men often tolerate red flags in women for three reasons: scarcity, fear, and hope.

Scarcity makes you believe you have limited options, so you hold on to what you have even when it is unhealthy. Fear makes you worry that if you walk away, you will end up alone. Hope makes you convince yourself that she will eventually change or that things will get better.

The problem is that none of these reasons are based in reality. When you live from scarcity, fear, or false hope, you are setting yourself up for long-term disappointment.

Why Women Test Boundaries

It is important to understand that women often test boundaries, sometimes without even realizing it. They may want to see how much they can get away with before you react.

If you allow deceit or feigning to go unchecked, you are teaching her that the behavior is acceptable. Over time, these red flags become habits in the relationship.

By addressing them early, you set a clear standard. You communicate that you value honesty, respect, and genuine connection. This is not about controlling a woman. It is about being clear about what you will and will not accept in your life.

How to Walk Away From Red Flags in Women

Walking away can feel difficult in the moment, especially if you are very attracted to her. But it is one of the most powerful actions you can take as a man.

When you walk away from red flags, you send a strong message to yourself. You are proving that you value your self-respect more than temporary attraction. You are showing that you will not compromise on your standards.

This action builds deep inner confidence. Every time you enforce your boundaries, you grow stronger. Over time, walking away becomes easier, and you attract higher quality relationships.

Why Many Men Repeat the Same Mistakes

If you find yourself constantly ending up with women who show the same red flags, it means you have not fully integrated the lesson. Until you set clear boundaries and stick to them, you will continue attracting the same type of woman.

This is why reflection is so important. After each dating experience, take time to think about what worked, what did not, and what red flags you ignored. By doing this, you train yourself to notice patterns and break the cycle.

Red Flags in Women vs. Genuine Compatibility Issues

It is also worth noting that not every challenge in a relationship is a red flag. Red flags are behaviors that indicate dishonesty, lack of respect, or misalignment in values.

Compatibility issues, on the other hand, can sometimes be worked through. For example, differences in hobbies or lifestyle are not necessarily red flags if both partners are honest and respectful.

The key difference is intent. If a woman is deceitful or feigning, that is a red flag. If she is simply different from you in certain preferences, that is a compatibility issue you can discuss.

How Red Flags Affect Long-Term Relationships

Red flags in women that go unchecked in the early stages almost always grow larger in long-term relationships.

For example, if she is constantly on her phone and texting other men while you are dating, that behavior will not magically stop if you move in together. In fact, it will likely get worse. If she lies about small details now, those lies may grow into bigger issues later.

This is why spotting and acting on red flags early is critical. You are not only protecting your current self, but also your future self.

Why Men Should Also Reflect on Their Own Red Flags

It is important to remember that men also bring red flags into relationships. If you are dishonest, insecure, or feigning status, those are red flags that women notice too.

By working on yourself and removing deceit and feigning from your own behavior, you become more capable of attracting women who are also genuine. The more authentic you are, the more you naturally repel relationships built on dishonesty.

Why Authenticity Wins

At the core of all of this is authenticity. When you are honest about who you are, what you value, and what you want, you naturally filter out women who show red flags.

Authenticity removes the need for games, manipulation, or pretending. It allows you to attract women who are genuinely interested in you, not the version of you that you try to project.

This is the mindset shift that changes everything. By focusing on honesty and standards, you not only avoid red flags in women, but you also create the foundation for real, lasting relationships.

Final Thoughts on Red Flags in Women

The truth is that red flags in women are not something to fear. They are tools that help you make better decisions. When you know what to look for and you have the confidence to act, you will never waste years in the wrong relationship again.

The goal is not to avoid all challenges, but to recognize when a challenge is a sign of deeper dishonesty or misalignment. Those are the red flags that you must take seriously.

By meeting more women, asking better questions, and holding yourself accountable to your standards, you will build a dating life that is free from deceit and feigning. Most importantly, you will build a dating life that is aligned with who you truly are.