A New Way to Approach Dating Conversations

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

28 July 2025

In today’s post, we’re going to do something completely different. I’ve been working on a brand new course for about six months, and I have my notes right here. This course focuses on how to attract women in conversation. It’s never been taught anywhere else before, and I’m going to walk you through the exact steps.

Let’s begin by reading the introduction to the course, because it sets the foundation for how powerful this can be for your dating life.

Table of Contents

Attraction Isn’t About Being Nice

Most men try to impress women by being agreeable, charming, or nice. But none of that creates real attraction. That’s because attraction isn’t about performance.

It’s about hierarchy.

Let me say that again. It’s about hierarchy. If she senses you are beneath her emotionally, energetically, or socially, she will smile, she will nod, and then she will forget you.

But when you speak from truth — when your words pierce her identity, challenge her ego, and flip the frame — she feels it instinctively in her body.

Why This Method Works

I don’t care if you feel too old, if you’re overweight, or if you’ve struggled your whole life. Because this stuff is magic. This is how you spark desire without touching her. This is how you lead without chasing. This is how to attract women in conversation without even trying.

I’m going to give you exact phrases to say that you’ve never heard before. These phrases are incredible. They cut straight through logic and create deep emotional connection. This is based on 17 years of professional dating coaching experience, all done in the real world with real-life women.

Write These Down and Practice Them

For this post, I recommend you write these down. Save them. Practice them. Deliver them with strength and clarity. These phrases are going to change the way you approach women forever.

1. Identity Fracture

Pattern: You say X, but your actions reveal Y.

This makes her question her own behavior and identity. It’s not about making a woman feel bad. It’s about taking her off autopilot. Most women are on emotional autopilot when you meet them. To attract her, you need to snap her out of it.

Examples:

You say you value honesty, but only when it flatters your self-image.
You talk about being independent, but you panic when no one’s watching you.
You act like you’re in control, but your emotions write the script.

What you’re doing here is identifying the gap between what she says and what she does. That gap is where connection and attraction begin.

2. Power Dynamic Reversal

Pattern: Most men do Z, but I do X.

This flips the traditional dynamic. It frames you as the evaluator, not the one being evaluated.

Examples:

Most guys compete for your attention. I’d rather see if you deserve mine.
They chase your looks. I look for presence, and I’m still looking.
You’re fun, but I don’t think you’re dangerous enough to keep me interested.

If you’re uncomfortable saying these lines, it means you need to build more self-confidence. Being afraid to say bold things is exactly why many men stay single. Embrace the fear and try them anyway.

3. Shadow Exposure

This technique reveals repressed truths she may hide from others — or even herself. When done right, it creates deep, authentic connection.

Examples:

You pretend like you’re hard to impress, but I think you’re just afraid of being seen.
You love drama because calm makes you feel invisible.
You pose like you’re confident, but you scroll social media like you’re starving.

These are not meant to insult. They’re meant to expose emotional truths. The result is a more honest, emotionally engaging interaction.

4. Archetypal Activation

This is one of the most powerful ways to attract women in conversation. The idea is to tap into deep mythic archetypes like the queen, the king, the seductress, or the warrior.

Examples:

You carry yourself like a queen. But what happens when you’re with a king?
You’ve been worshipped by average guys. But what happens when someone isn’t impressed?
You rule boys. But now you’ve met a man.

These are primal. They bypass her logical filters and go straight to the emotional core. When you speak to her inner archetype, she feels it — not in her brain, but in her body.

5. Cognitive Dissonance

This pattern forces her stated beliefs and behaviors to clash. The discomfort it creates is powerful — because the resolution happens through you.

Examples:

You say you don’t want games, but you play every one in the book.
You want a leader but fight the moment someone leads you.
You claim you’re done with boys, but your choices haven’t caught up.

These statements hold up a mirror. They challenge her to align her identity with her actions. That moment of tension often leads to attraction, because it’s emotionally charged and different from what most men offer.

6. The Social Mirror

This is high-status observation. You calmly observe her behavior, as if from above, showing that you’re not emotionally affected by her looks or her presence.

Examples:

Most guys don’t challenge you, do they?
You smile like someone who’s used to being praised.
You talk fast. That usually means you’re trying to hide your nerves.

This frames you as someone with insight and self-possession. You’re not reacting to her — you’re reading her. That puts you in a position of power.

7. Implied Access Denial

This pattern suggests that she may not qualify for your life. It flips the validation dynamic and signals that you’re scarce, selective, and not desperate.

Examples:

I haven’t decided if you’re someone I’d invest in yet.
You’re attractive, but presence is rare.
I meet women like you often. What else do you have to your personality?

Some may think these are harsh, but they’re not. Women say similar things to men every day — and no one questions it. These phrases challenge her to offer more than just her appearance. They’re bold, and that’s exactly why they work.

8. Emotional Inversion

This is a subtle way to flip strengths into weaknesses and weaknesses into strengths. It adds tension and intrigue — and it invites her to prove herself to you.

Examples:

That’s cute. You think being chaotic makes you mysterious.
You call out standards, but it sounds like fear in disguise.
You seem confident… or maybe just well-rehearsed.

These are phrases women often say to men. So what happens when you say them to her within the first 30 seconds of a conversation? You flip the script. You create immediate emotional friction — and with it, immediate interest.

9. Persona Disruption

This is a comment that breaks her public performance. It removes the social mask and invites the real version of her to show up.

Example:

You act like attention doesn’t affect you, but you crumble when you don’t have any.

This one hits deep. It’s not cruel. It’s insightful. And it signals that you’re not here to be just another fan — you’re here to connect with the real her.

Bonus Examples Tailored to Personality Types

Let’s go a little deeper. Some of these examples might be perfect for your personality type. These are tailored statements designed to reach a woman on an emotional, even archetypal level.

Example:
You intimidate most men, but that’s never been your goal, has it?
This acknowledges her power, while suggesting she’s also looking for someone who sees through it. It’s respectful, yet disruptive.

Example:
You act like connection is your priority, but I’ve never seen you let anyone in.
This calls out the performance of being “open” and challenges her to be emotionally available.

Example:
You’re the kind of woman men write poems about, and then slowly realize they don’t know you at all.
This triggers romantic fantasy, yet highlights emotional distance.

Example:
You’re powerful. I’ll give you that. But you still flinch when someone speaks to your soul.
This disrupts the dominance persona and speaks to the deeper, more vulnerable layers beneath it.

Archetype Examples: Princess and Mother

Here are specific archetypes and phrases that activate them:

Princess Archetype:
Self-image: Spoiled, admired, believes things should come easily.

You’re used to being the prize, not earning one.
Comfort built your world, but pressure reveals your truth.
Entitlement doesn’t look good on a grown woman.

These call her out without judgment. They invite growth, depth, and challenge — which is extremely attractive when delivered with the right energy.

Mother Archetype:
Self-image: Nurturing, fixer, emotionally responsible for others.

You help everyone else grow, but who holds you?
You’re exhausted because you’re mothering men, not choosing them.
If you stopped giving, would you still feel loved?

These phrases expose emotional over-functioning and allow her to be seen, maybe for the first time.

Taking Women Off Autopilot

At the core of all of this is a simple truth: most women are stuck on autopilot in social interactions. They meet guy after guy who performs, pleases, or panders. None of it stands out.

The only way to attract women in conversation is to interrupt that autopilot and bring her into the present moment. That’s where connection happens. That’s where attraction lives.

How to Attract Women in Conversation by Creating Impact

If you’re serious about improving your dating life, you can’t afford to skip this. These aren’t pickup lines. These are powerful patterns that generate an emotional shift. When used with presence and authenticity, they change how women experience you — instantly.

Let’s go deeper into how to attract women in conversation by using advanced conversational patterns.

How to Use These Phrases

Here’s the truth. Most men hear this and think, “That’s harsh” or “I could never say that.” But let’s break that down.

That discomfort? That’s fear. Fear of judgment. Fear of rejection. And underneath it — fear of being seen.

So what do most men do?

They stay safe. They stay silent. They stay forgettable.

But if you want to know how to attract women in conversation, you must face that fear. These phrases aren’t mean. They’re honest. And honesty, when delivered with grounded energy, is magnetic.

Women feel it. They lean in. And when you say something that connects on that deeper level, they’ll remember you — long after the conversation ends.

Practice Your Top Three

Here’s what to do next:

Choose your favorite three phrases or patterns from above.
Practice saying them out loud.
Deliver them from a place of certainty — not arrogance, but certainty.
Adjust them to your style, but don’t dilute them.

This isn’t about memorizing scripts. It’s about understanding the principles behind the patterns. Once you understand the pattern, you can create your own.

For example:

“You say you value freedom, but you’re terrified of being alone.”

You can adjust that slightly:

“You talk like independence matters to you, but you always look for someone to follow.”

The structure is the same. What changes is your tone, timing, and delivery. That’s the art.

The Power of the Right Opening Line

Something I’ve been working on lately is using these exact techniques as openers. Most men think opening a conversation is about flattery, jokes, or asking questions. And while those can work, they don’t create the same emotional spike.

Here’s an idea: open with a cognitive dissonance statement or an archetypal activation. For example:

“You carry yourself like a queen… but what happens when you meet your king?”

That’s not just a sentence — it’s a frame reset.

It doesn’t just start a conversation. It creates an interaction. It tells her, “This isn’t going to be like all the others.”

Next week, I’m heading to London to test some of these as direct openers in real-world conversations. I’ll be working with a client and one of my female coaching assistants. We’ll be focusing on using storytelling to create emotional attraction and integrating these patterns into natural speech.

Storytelling and Conversation Flow

Another key skill to attract women in conversation is to understand how to layer these insights into storytelling.

When you’re telling a personal story — whether it’s about travel, your passions, or something funny — you can embed these patterns naturally.

For example, mid-story:

“…and that’s when I realized, most people say they want adventure, but they cling to comfort the moment they’re challenged.”

That’s cognitive dissonance. And it lands hard — even inside a casual story.

Or:

“She walked into the room like a queen. Confident. Controlled. But I could tell, she’d never met someone who challenged her.”

That’s archetypal activation — wrapped inside storytelling.

This is how to attract women in conversation without resorting to gimmicks. It’s deep. It’s real. And it resonates.

Emotional Hierarchy and Acceptance

There’s one more thing I want to share that ties all of this together.

Understanding hierarchy is essential.

If a woman places you beneath her emotionally, socially, or energetically — you’re done. She may smile. She may nod. But she won’t feel desire.

But when you speak from grounded truth — when your words challenge, reframe, and pierce her ego — she feels it in her body. That’s where attraction lives.

Now, let’s talk about rejection.

Sometimes, women won’t respond the way you expect. They might push back. They might resist. That’s not failure. That’s filtering.

If a woman reacts with hostility to a statement like:

“You help everyone grow, but who holds you?”

That tells you something. Either she’s emotionally unavailable, or not ready to be seen. And that’s okay. Your job isn’t to be liked by everyone. Your job is to connect with the right ones.

And sometimes, that means accepting that in her hierarchy, you’re at the bottom.

It sounds harsh — but it’s actually freeing.

Because once you accept that, you stop chasing. You stop hoping. And you start leading.

You’re no longer trying to impress. You’re expressing your truth. That is how to attract women in conversation. Not by being agreeable — but by being real.

How to Attract Women in Conversation by Triggering Archetypes

One of the most powerful tools in conversation is archetypal activation. This taps into deeply embedded roles we all carry inside — the queen, the king, the warrior, the seductress.

When you trigger these archetypes in a woman, it creates an emotional shift that bypasses logic and goes straight to instinct.

For example:

“You carry yourself like a queen… but what happens when you’re with a king?”

This isn’t just a compliment. It’s a challenge. It tells her: you’re not impressed, and you’re not intimidated. You’re inviting her into a dynamic that most men avoid.

This is how to attract women in conversation without being performative. It’s not about being louder, funnier, or flashier. It’s about speaking to something deeper inside her — and that’s where real attraction lives.

Why These Patterns Work

Let’s break this down.

Every woman has multiple identities operating at once. There’s the confident self, the insecure self, the girl who wants to be loved, the woman who wants to be desired.

When you speak only to her surface persona — the one she shows the world — you get surface-level interactions.

But when you recognize the cracks in her persona, and speak directly to them, you force her to become present.

This is how to attract women in conversation: by making them feel seen in ways they aren’t used to. And when that happens, their attraction isn’t based on logic — it’s instinctive.

Emotional Inversion

Another effective pattern is emotional inversion. This works by flipping the perceived strength into a hidden weakness.

Examples:

“That’s cute. You think being chaotic makes you mysterious.”

“You seem confident… or maybe just well-rehearsed.”

These lines flip the frame. Instead of validating what she wants you to see, you question it.

You make her wonder: does he really see me? And if so, what else does he see?

It creates tension, and tension is essential for attraction.

Persona Disruption

Some women are so used to performing that they don’t even realize they’re doing it. Persona disruption is a pattern that breaks the mask.

For example:

“You act like attention doesn’t affect you, but you crumble when no one’s watching.”

It’s not an insult. It’s a recognition. It forces her to step out of performance and into presence.

This is especially effective if you want to connect with women who are used to being admired, praised, and pursued. Instead of joining the crowd, you separate yourself by observing something real.

Advanced Examples for Specific Archetypes

Let’s go even deeper now.

When you start recognizing different female archetypes, you can tailor your language to speak directly to them.

The Princess Archetype

Self-image: Spoiled, admired, things come easily.

Examples:

“You’re used to being the prize… not earning one.”

“Comfort built your world, but pressure reveals your truth.”

“Entitlement doesn’t look good on a grown woman.”

Each of these phrases targets the archetype without being aggressive. They disrupt comfort and invite depth.

The Mother Archetype

Self-image: Nurturer, fixer, emotionally responsible for others.

Examples:

“You help everyone else grow, but who holds you?”

“You’re exhausted because you’re mothering men, not choosing them.”

“If you stopped giving, would you still feel loved?”

When you speak to this archetype, you’re revealing her emotional burden — and offering her the chance to be received instead of needed.

Recognizing Compatibility Through Reaction

How a woman responds to these phrases tells you everything about her.

If she gets defensive, cuts you off, or reacts with coldness, that’s useful information. It means you’ve disrupted her comfort zone — and not everyone wants that.

But if she pauses, reflects, and engages — even if she’s a little thrown — you’ve just triggered presence. You’ve created polarity. You’ve opened the door to a real connection.

This is why these techniques aren’t just about attraction. They’re about filtering. The wrong women will disqualify themselves. The right women will reveal themselves.

Scarcity and Value Through Implied Denial

Another effective technique is implied access denial. This is where you subtly suggest she may not qualify for you.

For example:

“I haven’t decided if you’re someone I’d invest in yet.”

“You’re attractive, but presence is rare.”

“I meet women like you often. What else do you have to your personality?”

These aren’t rejections. They’re standards. They communicate that you’re not seeking validation. You’re evaluating.

Women are attracted to men who aren’t seeking permission to be attractive. And when you use this frame, it places you in that position — the chooser, not the chaser.

Social Mirror and High-Status Commentary

Another way to attract women in conversation is through social mirror statements. This is when you calmly observe her behavior as if from above — with no need to impress.

Examples:

“Most guys don’t challenge you, do they?”

“You smile like someone used to being praised.”

“You talk fast. That usually means you’re hiding nerves.”

These phrases are subtle but powerful. They show you see through the façade. And when delivered with calm certainty, they signal high social status.

Testing These Techniques in the Real World

Like everything I coach, this isn’t just theory. These phrases, patterns, and concepts are built from real-world experience with real women in real conversations.

I don’t hide behind screens. I work with clients face to face, out in the real world. And what I’ve seen is that when men use these lines with the right intention and grounded presence, they get real responses.

This is how to attract women in conversation without chasing them. When you speak in a way that makes a woman question her own performance, she can’t stay on autopilot. She has to show up.

Storytelling as an Attraction Trigger

Next week, I’ll be running a two-day course in London. One of the areas we’ll be focusing on is using storytelling to spark attraction.

We’ll be using storytelling in a way that isn’t about impressing — but about connecting.

If you can layer your stories with emotional shifts, archetypal triggers, and vulnerability, you’ll find that women aren’t just listening. They’re feeling. They’re imagining. And they’re desiring.

We’ll be doing these live, in cultural environments like the Royal Academy of Art or possibly Greenwich Observatory. My client is a cultural individual, so this setting will bring out the best in him.

Testing Openers with Archetypal Triggers

One thing I’m especially curious about is using these exact techniques as openers. Can you walk up to a woman and start with:

“You act like a queen… but what happens when you meet your king?”

I suspect the answer is yes.

But it needs to be tested. So, during my time in London, I’ll be trying these openers in live scenarios. I’ll be testing them, refining them, and seeing which ones hit hardest — and in which context.

Traditionally, a well-placed compliment is the most effective opener. But if we can trigger instinct, myth, and emotion within seconds, we might just go deeper, faster.

You Must Practice Your Delivery

This is how to attract women in conversation — you must practice. Just knowing the lines won’t help if you don’t internalize them.

Here’s what I recommend:

Pick your favorite three lines from this article
Memorize them until they feel natural
Say them out loud until your delivery is confident
Practice them in real-world conversations

Delivery matters. You must say them from a grounded place. Not needy. Not rushed. Not nervous. Speak as if you’ve seen this all before — because confidence is contagious.

Final Thoughts on Hierarchy and Rejection

Let’s circle back to something deeper.

Most men fear rejection because they fear being kicked out of the hierarchy. Whether it’s a woman ghosting you or a client no longer speaking to me, it can feel like a demotion.

But here’s how to handle that:

Just accept that you’re at the bottom of their hierarchy. That’s all. It removes the ego. It removes the pain. And it reminds you that their hierarchy isn’t the only one that exists.

If a woman ignores you, it doesn’t mean you’re not valuable. It just means you’re not at the top of her personal system. Move on. There are infinite hierarchies in life, and you don’t need to be on all of them.

This mindset is essential if you want to succeed long-term in dating. It gives you clarity, peace, and control over your emotions.

Conclusion: Attraction Through Truth

The most important thing I hope you take from this article is that attraction doesn’t come from performance — it comes from presence.

It comes from being unafraid to speak truth. It comes from showing her that you see beyond the surface. And most importantly, it comes from how you make her feel.

These lines, these archetypes, these techniques — they’re all tools. But it’s your truth that powers them.

So use them. Practice them. Own them.

And watch what happens when you stop trying to impress — and start leading from your core.