From Stuck to Confident: How to Build Real Day Game Confidence
I was just about to do a day game Q&A until I realized how boring and mechanical it was going to be. Question, answer. Question, answer. Instead, I want to do something more useful.
In this post, I’m going to teach you exactly what you need to know to go from where you are right now to getting more success meeting women during the day.
Whether that’s in cafes, restaurants, or even supermarkets, it doesn’t matter. Wherever you usually go in your day-to-day life, this guide will help you.
The reason I’m confident in this is because I’ve been coaching day game confidence for a very long time. And a lot of advice that sounds good doesn’t actually work in the real world.
The benefit of a coach is implementation. You can hear all the advice in the world, but applying it? That’s the hard part. That’s where I come in.
I give away my information for free. What people pay me for is to coach them through the implementation. So I’m going to give you the information now and also share how I coach my clients to build day game confidence.
The Two Core Problems Holding You Back
This morning I had a consultation call. A guy interested in working with me. He’s ultra-successful in his professional life and had been married twice. Relationships weren’t the issue.
But he had two very common sticking points.
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Anxiety speaking to women
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Putting women on a pedestal
The first leads to a lack of options. And that leads to settling. You end up marrying someone not because you chose her, but because she was the best option you had at the time.
The second is dangerous because when you put a woman above you, you go from being charismatic and confident to living a submissive dating life.
Let’s be real. You’re usually just putting her on a pedestal because of her looks. You think she’s better than you, but the only thing she has is a face you happen to find attractive. And even that’s subjective.
I’ve run so many training courses where a client will say, “She’s amazing,” and I don’t see it at all.
So if you’re anxious around women, what’s happening is you’re creating a subjective distortion. You think she’s better than you.
Step One: Go Where You Actually Spend Time
To coach someone out of this, I start by teaching them how to approach women in a variety of environments. We go out together and work on it.
Most companies stop there. You take the course, feel amazing, then a week later… nothing’s changed.
The key difference is in habit formation.
So I work with clients where they actually live their lives. If you want to meet women in cafes, we go there. If it’s restaurants, shopping centers, fine. It has to be real and relevant.
From 50 meters away I can see a client and know exactly what to adjust. I can see what their body language is doing. I can tell if their story is wrong just by how they’re standing.
The Habit Formation That Builds Day Game Confidence
This is where the real coaching begins. The real skill is helping someone who’s never approached a woman during the day form a habit to do it naturally.
Now it gets technical. And I love this part.
Stimulus and Response
This is classic. You see an attractive woman, and you start walking towards her. That’s habit formation.
But in practice, people don’t stick to habits. So we break it down and make it tiny.
One small habit? Adjust your posture. Power pose. That’s it. You see someone attractive and immediately improve your posture.
Another one? Say a personal mantra or affirmation that triggers you into a confident state.
Balancing Negative Thoughts
Everyone who avoids approaching during the day is thinking negatively.
“She’s too busy.”
“She’s in a rush.”
“She’s too attractive.”
These are all distortions. You can counter them using two simple tools.
First: Label it as a part of you.
“A part of me thinks she’s busy.”
Second: Add the word but and finish the sentence.
“A part of me thinks she’s busy, but the other part wants to talk to her.”
These tricks help you build better thought habits and lead to real day game confidence.
The Pre-Approach Routine That Changes Everything
If you’re struggling with day game, if you’re not making the kinds of approaches you’d like to, look at your habits.
Your pre-performance routine matters.
What are you saying to yourself before you speak to her?
What is your body doing?
What’s your mindset like in that moment?
Before anything else, get that part handled.
There’s No One-Size-Fits-All in Day Game
Once your pre-approach habits are working, then we move on. But here’s something important:
Anyone who says there’s one fixed blueprint doesn’t understand real day game.
Every man is different. I’ve coached mysterious clients who say nothing, and women chase them. I’ve also coached talkative clients, and we just work on refining their stories.
There’s no set rule. But there are some key principles that always matter.
Coming up next: the single most powerful thing you can do to build long-term day game confidence.
The Power of Authenticity in Day Game Confidence
Here’s something a lot of coaches don’t tell you. Day game confidence doesn’t come from pretending to be someone you’re not.
It comes from amplifying the parts of you that are already attractive.
If you’re naturally introverted, don’t try to be loud. If you’re playful and funny, use that. But the goal is never to act. The goal is to express yourself fully, with no filter.
This is how I coach guys during live sessions.
We don’t rehearse lines. We don’t script conversations. Instead, I push them to be present and respond in the moment.
Because women can feel when you’re being fake. They know when you’re forcing it.
Confidence is magnetic, but only if it’s real.
Confidence Isn’t Loud, It’s Certain
A big mistake I see with guys new to day game is they confuse loudness with confidence.
But true confidence is certainty. It’s knowing that you belong in the interaction.
You don’t have to prove anything. You’re not chasing. You’re simply being direct and authentic.
When I coach clients in cities around the world, whether it’s New York, London, or Barcelona, we focus on this internal certainty.
It’s not about bravado. It’s about grounded presence.
What to Say When You Approach Her
One of the most common questions I get is, “What do I say when I go up to her?”
My answer? Say what’s real.
If you saw her and thought she looked elegant, say that. If she reminds you of someone from a movie, say that.
But here’s the trick: deliver it with intention.
You’re not complimenting to get something. You’re offering your perspective.
This is where real day game confidence shines. You’re not seeking validation. You’re giving a moment of truth.
And if she’s open to it, great. If not, you move on. You don’t need her reaction to feel confident.
Building Momentum Without Burnout
Another trap guys fall into is thinking they need to do 100 approaches a day to get good.
You don’t.
In fact, that often leads to burnout and resentment.
Instead, I teach clients to focus on consistency over intensity.
Can you make 2 or 3 meaningful approaches a day in environments you already visit?
Can you do that for a month?
That’s how real progress is made. It’s not about pushing yourself to exhaustion. It’s about building the kind of day game confidence that lasts for life.
From Nervous to Natural
I’ve seen this transformation hundreds of times.
Guys who used to freeze up at the idea of talking to a woman during the day eventually become relaxed, present, and natural.
It doesn’t happen overnight. But it does happen.
With the right coaching, the right environment, and the right mindset, you can become the man who enjoys meeting women during the day.
Not because you need to prove something. But because it feels good to express yourself.
And women respond to that.
Day game confidence isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real.
Stop Chasing Presence and Start Building Skill
At the start of this blog, I mentioned the guy who preached mindfulness like it was a superpower.
And maybe for him, it helped with stress. But when it came to success, especially in dating, it was clear he was lost.
That’s because mindfulness without skill is just stillness.
Flow, on the other hand, comes from pushing yourself, improving, and entering that mental state where everything clicks.
Day game confidence comes from repetition and refinement, not just awareness.
If you’re not acquiring skills, if you’re not challenging yourself, you’ll never hit that flow state.
Skill Stacking for Confidence
So what skills do you need to build day game confidence?
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Starting conversations
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Flirting naturally
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Telling compelling stories
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Reading social cues
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Knowing when and how to escalate
These aren’t talents. They’re learnable.
And like any craft, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
Eventually, you’ll stop thinking and just flow.
Day Game Confidence Comes From Exposure
Reading this blog won’t change your life.
Action will.
You need real-world exposure. You need to make mistakes. You need to feel awkward.
That’s how you grow. That’s how you build bulletproof day game confidence.
It’s not about being fearless. It’s about showing up despite the fear and doing it again and again until it becomes second nature.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need to meditate your way into attraction.
You need to move. To act. To engage with the world.
Mindfulness is fine if your goal is relaxation. But if your goal is success in dating, flow is the path.
Focus on acquiring the skills you lack. Do them 100, 500, or 1000 times.
That’s how you go from nervous to natural. From hesitant to high-value. From mindful to magnetic.
Written by Gary Gunn
Gary Gunn is an internationally accredited coach with 17 years of experience coaching single men.
He has spent years creating proven, real world systems that help men meet, attract and date the women they desire. He is also the best selling author of a book on confidence and dating.
Gary has taught in over 30 major cities worldwide and has coached more than 1,200 men globally through group courses, video coaching and one to one training.
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