How to Tell Stories to Attract Women: The Bulletproof PAR Method

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

1 August 2025

We’ve all been there. You’re in a conversation with a woman you like. You’re telling her a story and suddenly, you notice her losing interest. Eventually, she says, “I need to go.” You’re left wondering what went wrong.

In this post, I’m going to teach you how to tell stories to attract women using a bulletproof technique that’s simple and effective. It ensures your stories are both attractive and engaging.

Let’s dive into the fundamentals.

Table of Contents

Why Storytelling Matters in Dating

It’s true that stories have an arc. When you learn how to use this arc correctly, your stories become compelling. Women naturally engage because good storytelling triggers emotional connection.

Let me show you the most simple and effective method I’ve found.

The PAR Technique for Telling Stories

The PAR technique stands for:

Problem
Action
Result

This framework is a simple way to structure stories in a way that keeps interest and builds attraction. Here’s how it works.

Imagine you’re going about your daily life. Then something happens. That moment is the problem. You take an action to overcome the problem. That leads to a result.

It’s a basic story arc, and it’s incredibly effective.

Here’s a quick example.

Problem: After my car accident, I lost my self-confidence.

Action: I ignored what the doctors were saying, read books about successful people, and decided to rebuild my mindset.

Result: I changed my friendship group, stopped drinking, took control of my life, and trained to become a coach.

That’s the PAR framework in action. It’s clean, structured, and shows character development.

Avoid Surface-Level Storytelling Advice

Before we go further, I want to touch on something important. A lot of content online teaches surface-level techniques to help you tell stories better. You’ll hear things like “modulate your voice,” “warm up your mouth,” or “pause more.”

While these things can help, they’re surface-level tricks. They don’t make you genuinely confident. They make you look confident.

Real confidence comes from being congruent with your story. When you learn how to tell stories to attract women using structure and emotional truth, you won’t need to fake it.

Why the PAR Technique Works So Well

When you tell stories using the PAR method, it shows that you are action-oriented. That means when a problem arises in life, you don’t sit back — you solve it.

This is attractive to women because it signals leadership, capability, and emotional maturity.

If a woman is thinking long-term — such as starting a family — she wants someone who can handle life’s challenges. When you use the PAR framework, she sees that you’re that kind of man.

Bad Storytelling vs Good Storytelling

Let me give you a practical comparison.

Here’s how most guys tell stories:

“I love going on holiday with my mates. I remember the time we went away together. It was really fun. We went on a boat party, got drunk, then had to wake up early for another booze cruise. It was a good laugh.”

It sounds casual, but it’s boring. There’s no tension. No growth. No takeaway.

Now, let’s tell the same story using the PAR technique:

“I went away with my friends and we partied hard. At 6:00 a.m. there was a knock on the door for the booze cruise we had booked.” (Problem)

“Even though we were exhausted, I woke everyone up and said, ‘We committed to this. Let’s go.'” (Action)

“That ended up being one of the best days of my life. I’m so glad I took charge.” (Result)

That version is structured, has emotional tension, and shows your character.

This Technique Works Outside of Dating Too

The PAR method isn’t just for dating. It’s taught in public speaking, sales, and leadership coaching because it’s so effective at narrowing down stories into something memorable.

For example:

Problem: My client went to a public speaking course and couldn’t tell a compelling story.
Action: I taught him the PAR method.
Result: He became a confident storyteller.

That story feels good to hear because it has a resolution. Without resolution, your story just becomes noise.

How to Add Depth to Your Stories

Most guys talk in a straight line. Everything stays on the surface. That’s a problem.

If you want a woman to see your depth, you have to come off that flat line.

There are two ways to do this:

Talk about your past (especially childhood)
Talk about your future goals

Let’s start with the past.

Using Childhood Stories to Show Emotional Depth

Think about this. Every good movie has a moment where the audience gets a glimpse into the main character’s childhood. Why? Because it shows depth and makes you care about them.

You can do the same.

One technique I teach my clients is to say, “My earliest memory of…” and then respond to a random word.

For example:

“My earliest memory of chocolate was when I was four. I remember pointing at the chocolate on the top shelf and my brother saying, ‘I think Gary wants chocolate.’ I used to be really shy. I’d just point.”

That short story shows emotion, family dynamics, and vulnerability. All in 20 seconds.

And it’s memorable.

How to Use Childhood Stories in Conversation

All of your childhood stories are powerful because they’re tied to emotion. That’s why you remember them. When you tell a childhood story, it allows you to express yourself in an emotional way, and that makes you relatable.

Let’s try another example.

If the word is coffee, your response could be:

“My earliest memory of coffee was when I was about seven. I remember seeing my mum’s cappuccinos in the top cupboard. They looked nice, so my brothers and I climbed up and made one. I tried it, but I didn’t really like it.”

Again, it’s simple. But it gives insight into your family, your curiosity, and your personality.

This is how you come off that emotional flatline and give women something to connect with.

You can even mix this with the PAR technique. Let’s say a woman talks about breaking her ankle. You could say:

“That reminds me of a childhood holiday where I broke my ankle. I couldn’t walk properly, so my dad sawed off an adult crutch to make it fit me. Because of that, I was still able to take part in everything. Funny enough, those are some of my best memories from the trip.”

That combines problem, action, and result with a childhood memory, adding emotion and structure.

Show Her You’re Moving Towards Something

Now that you know how to use your past, let’s talk about the future.

When you speak about your future in a story, it shows that you’re goal-driven. This is essential because women aren’t just attracted to where you are — they’re drawn to where you’re going.

Let’s say you’ve done a lot of traveling with your work. You could say:

“There’s one thing I haven’t done yet that I’d love to do. I want to go on a world tour, twelve cities in twelve months with one client, giving him a year he’ll never forget.”

That kind of statement is powerful. It shows direction. It shows vision.

And it’s attractive.

Combine All Three to Tell Magnetic Stories

When you combine all three types of storytelling — problem-action-result, childhood memories, and future aspirations — you naturally become more charismatic. You’re no longer stuck in small talk or surface-level topics.

You’re giving her a reason to lean in and listen.

Avoid the Two Big Mistakes That Kill Attraction

Let’s shift gears for a moment.

Even if you’re telling better stories, there are still two major things that can shut down attraction instantly. These two mistakes are so common, most men don’t even realize they’re making them.

They are:

Being judgmental
Being negative

Here’s why these kill attraction.

If a woman senses that your general outlook on life is critical and negative, she’ll assume that’s how you’ll treat her. That’s a huge red flag.

Let’s say she asks:

“What do you think about that girl’s outfit?”

And you reply:

“Yeah, it’s a bit short, isn’t it?”

You’re being negative and judgmental. Even if she agrees in the moment, the damage is done. You’ve shown that you tear people down.

Now imagine instead you said:

“I think she looks great. I admire her confidence for wearing it.”

That response shows positivity, leadership, and open-mindedness — all qualities women admire.

Stop Faking Positivity — Build It from Within

This isn’t just about choosing the right words. If you’re naturally pessimistic, trying to filter everything you say will become exhausting. You’ll constantly wonder, Was that too negative?

The real solution is to change your mindset.

Develop a genuine excitement for life. Build optimism. Start taking actions that give you meaning and momentum. Because when you’re living in a way that energizes you, you’ll naturally be less negative and more magnetic.

One of my clients recently struggled with this. His issue wasn’t his stories — it was his energy. He wasn’t goal-driven, so his vibe came across as flat. We worked together to set clear, tangible goals.

The result?

He became more charismatic and more attractive, without changing the words he was saying. Just the way he lived.

The Psychology Behind Attraction and Action

Humans are wired to find growth attractive. When you’re improving, setting goals, and overcoming challenges, you start feeling better. That’s not an accident.

It’s biology.

Those hard-earned moments of growth — when you train your body, chase a dream, or face a fear — they don’t just build self-worth. They signal that you’re ready for more in life, including relationships.

It’s why people who are in motion tend to attract more opportunities in every area, including dating.

A Quick Reminder on Telling Negative Stories

To finish this section, here’s an example of how easy it is to slip into unattractive behavior in conversation.

Let’s say you’re chatting with a woman. She brings up someone’s outfit. You comment that it’s too short. She agrees, but inside she’s turned off. You came across as judgmental and small-minded.

Instead, respond with warmth. Say something like:

“I think she’s owning it. Takes guts to wear that. I admire it.”

That one comment frames you as someone who sees the best in others. It also shows you’re not insecure or trying to win approval.

And that’s what makes you stand out.

How to Attract Women Through Optimism and Leadership

One of the key takeaways when learning how to tell stories to attract women is this: stop trying to get validation through agreement.

A lot of men accidentally fall into this trap. You’ll say something a bit judgmental just to get her to agree with you. But even when she does, you’re losing points because you’re not leading — you’re following.

Let’s look at it clearly.

You say, “Yeah, it’s a bit short, isn’t it?”

She says, “Yeah, I guess.”

But in her head, she’s thinking, “That was a bit mean.”

You’ve just been negative and judgmental. That creates an environment where she feels less emotionally safe around you.

Compare that with this response:

“I think she looks great. I admire the confidence.”

This is where leadership shows up. It’s not about dominating the conversation. It’s about showing emotional maturity. That kind of energy attracts women without trying.

Optimism Is a Daily Practice

Even if you feel groggy or off one day, you can still choose to show up with optimism. I’ve had days where I didn’t sleep well, and my first reaction to something was judgmental. But someone else in the room reframed it positively and reminded me to see the good.

That’s why optimism isn’t just a one-time mindset — it’s a daily habit.

It’s also a powerful part of storytelling.

When your stories are framed around growth, change, and positive outcomes, people — especially women — want to listen. They feel pulled in by the energy of the story. They want to hear the resolution.

How to Tell Stories to Attract Women: Clear Takeaways

Let’s recap what we’ve covered so far in a way that you can use straight away.

Next time you’re talking to a woman, try doing these:

Use the PAR technique
Tell stories using the structure of problem, action, result. This gives your story a clear arc that builds interest and emotional engagement.

Share childhood stories
These create depth and allow her to get to know the real you. They are often emotional, which is why they’re memorable.

Talk about your future
Women are attracted to men who are moving toward something. Talk about your goals, dreams, and ambitions. It doesn’t have to be impressive. It just has to be real.

Work on your mindset
Avoid being judgmental and negative in conversation. Instead of focusing on avoiding those traits in the moment, build a life that excites you so they disappear naturally.

These are the fundamentals of how to tell stories to attract women. Simple, powerful, and authentic.

Don’t Be Fooled by Flashy Techniques

A final note on flashy advice.

There’s a lot of content online that tries to sell you on surface-level improvements. Things like, “Stand like this,” “Stretch before speaking,” “Project your voice.”

Sure, those things might make you look confident.

But they don’t make you feel confident.

Real confidence comes from knowing that your life is going somewhere. That you have a story worth telling. That you’ve overcome real challenges and learned real lessons.

That’s what women are drawn to.

So when someone offers you a hack or trick to fake confidence, remember: it’s probably something they can package and sell. What you really need is development from the inside out.

Here’s What That Looks Like

Right now, I’m working with a vocal coach.

But we’re not just doing breathing exercises or warmups. We’re focusing on calming my nervous system and understanding rhythm and emotion so that I feel more at ease speaking.

Once I understand it, my speech will naturally improve.

That’s the real work. And it’s the same with storytelling. You’re not learning tricks to impress — you’re learning to tell real stories in a way that draws people in.

That’s what matters.

You Already Have Stories Worth Telling

You don’t need to invent new stories or rehearse flashy monologues. You already have moments in your life that are engaging — you just need to learn how to frame them.

Use the PAR structure. Share the moments from your childhood that shaped you. Speak about your future with enthusiasm and vision.

When you do this consistently, you’ll notice something important.

You’ll stop trying to get her attention.

And instead, you’ll start keeping it.

That’s what happens when your words are rooted in authenticity and structure. You’ll be able to lead the conversation in a way that feels good to both of you.

Why This Storytelling Technique Works Everywhere

The beauty of this storytelling structure is that it doesn’t just apply to dating. You’ll find it used in corporate communication, public speaking, and job interviews. The problem-action-result format helps people follow your ideas, understand your message, and feel emotionally engaged.

If you’re marketing your business, it works the same way.

Let’s say you’re sharing a client story.

“One of my clients went to a professional public speaking course, but he still couldn’t tell stories.”
That’s the problem.

“I showed him how to use the P-A-R framework.”
That’s the action.

“Now he’s a confident speaker who captivates every audience he stands in front of.”
That’s the result.

It works because it gives your story a clear shape. And just like in dating, it shows that you’re someone who takes action and gets results.

How to Tell Stories to Attract Women by Using Structure and Emotion

Women are drawn to stories that reflect a man’s depth, direction, and emotional awareness. That’s what makes you different from other men who are stuck telling surface-level stories that go nowhere.

Here’s what to do:

Practice the PAR technique
Pick a moment from your life. Break it down into a problem, an action, and a result. Say it out loud. Get used to structuring your thoughts this way.

Think of key childhood memories
List out three or four childhood memories that stand out to you. What emotions are attached to them? What do they say about who you were and who you’ve become?

Visualize your future goals
Write down what you’re working toward. Where do you want to be a year from now? What does your ideal lifestyle look like? Practice speaking about it as if it’s already in motion.

Watch your mindset in conversation
Train yourself to speak with optimism. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to impress by tearing other people down. That will always backfire.

Why Women Prefer Men in Motion

There’s a reason goal-driven men are more attractive.

It’s not about how much money you make or whether you’ve “made it.” It’s about movement. Progress. Intent. A man who is becoming something is inherently more magnetic than a man who is just standing still.

So when you speak about your goals and dreams — and you do it with energy — women can feel it. It’s exciting. And that’s where connection begins.

How to Tell Stories to Attract Women Without Trying Too Hard

The key takeaway is this:

Stop trying to impress. Start telling real stories. Stories that show your growth, your resilience, your depth. Stories that follow a shape and lead somewhere.

When you do this, you’ll notice that women start leaning in when you speak. You’ll see their eyes light up when you talk about your life, your childhood, and your future.

Because you’re not just talking anymore.

You’re telling stories in a way that resonates.

And that’s what truly attracts.