Habit Formation Starts With Your Environment

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

6 August 2025

Today I’m going to talk about habit formation.

I’m sat at home in a brand new area within my house. It’s actually a corner by the back doors, and I’ve bought myself a brand new chair that I’m sitting on. I’m going to be putting bookshelves in this area too.

Why is this so important to habit formation?

One of the main reasons we fail to create better habits is because we don’t change our environment. If you can make simple choice architecture part of your life, what you’ll find is that you can actually stick to your habits.

I did a podcast a few months ago on choice architecture, which is essentially setting up the architecture of your life so that you make the right choices.

But today I want to go deeper into the topic of habit formation.

Table of Contents

Your Environment Shapes Your Habits

I wanted to read more physical books. Since I’ve been living in my apartment for about 18 months, I’ve mostly been listening to audiobooks. So I got my Kindle back out and tried to read it. But I couldn’t.

It didn’t matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t concentrate. Every location in my house already has a purpose. I found myself sat by my journaling table trying to read, and it just didn’t work.

That’s why I decided to reorganize my house and create a dedicated space for reading.

I made it really lovely. I’m going to put some bookshelves in with my favorite books. I’m going to add some plants in there. Right next to my chair is one of my dog’s beds. I’ve got a red setter called Nala, and she’ll sit down there with me while I’m reading.

It makes me feel good that I’ve invested some money into a habit I want to build. That’s actually a really smart strategy for habit formation.

If you want to change your life, investing money into something is a signpost to yourself that you’re committed to doing it.

When I decided to do this, I thought, yeah, I need to buy a new chair. Who cares? I’m going to invest whatever it is because it’s the right thing to do. I’m also thinking about buying a smaller Kindle so it’s more lightweight and easier to use.

How Resistance Affects Habit Formation

When we’re trying to change any part of our life, whether it’s our dating life or just a small habit, it’s hard. Resistance pulls us back to our old state of equilibrium.

That gnawing effect that makes you default to your old behavior, that’s resistance.

So what I like to do when I’m trying to make real change in my life is create a new state of equilibrium.

For me, having somewhere different to sit is a different habit, and I can attach whatever new behavior I want to that habit.

Simplicity and Longevity

Another important point in habit formation is accepting that it will be more difficult than you think it will be. It’s not about doing something once or twice. It’s about setting it up so that you have long-term success.

When I work with my clients on creating new habits, I don’t aim for quick wins.

I ask them, how do we set this up in a way where you’ll still be doing it in three months, six months, nine months, or even a year?

The answer is usually to make it very, very simple.

Reduce Perfectionism to Build Habits

Let me say it another way. I record a daily vlog.

I do this because I want to document my life, the coaching I do, and the work that I’m doing.

But for me, if I had to get dressed up, do my hair, set up lights, or make everything perfect, I wouldn’t be able to do it every day.

So, when you’re trying to build a new habit, reduce your perfectionism.

When you let go of trying to be perfect, it allows you to take more action.

What I’ve done to make my life simpler is this: I record my vlog. Then my team takes the video, extracts the audio, and shares it as a podcast episode. That gets transcribed and turned into a blog post that becomes part of my newsletter.

What Are You Willing to Give Up?

If you want to build a new habit, you’ll often need to give something else up.

You can’t keep doing everything and expect new things to just fit in. It rarely works like that.

There’s a great quote I love. If you want to achieve something new in your life, you have to be willing to give something up first.

It’s true.

Whether you’re working on dating confidence, self-confidence, or something else entirely, ask yourself: what am I willing to give up?

All of my clients who come to me for coaching are ready to give up dating apps. Think about how much time, energy, and effort people pour into dating apps.

So I say to them, if you want to work on real-life habits and get the success you want in your dating life, you have to create space.

Deleting the apps creates space. It creates mental bandwidth. It creates energy. And with that space, you can build new habits that lead to better results.

Habit Formation Is About Identity, Not Willpower

Here’s the truth about habit formation that most people miss:

It’s not just about repeating an action. It’s about becoming the kind of person who does that action by default.

Reading a book every day isn’t just a task. It’s part of the identity: “I’m someone who reads.”

Going to the gym isn’t a box to tick. It’s who you are: “I’m someone who looks after my body.”

So when you build a new habit, don’t just ask:
“How do I do this?”
Ask:
“Who do I want to become?”

That identity shift is where the real transformation happens.

And that’s why your environment matters so much.

Because if you want to become a reader, but you don’t have a place that invites reading — your brain will resist.
If you want to be someone who eats well, but your kitchen is filled with junk — your environment is working against you.

Every habit either reinforces the identity you want… or chips away at it.

Stack Your Habits for Long-Term Success

Let’s say you want to improve your confidence. That’s a big goal — and it’s vague. But what if you broke it down into small identity-based habits?

For example:

“I’m someone who journals every morning to understand myself better.”
“I’m someone who speaks to one new person a day to develop social courage.”
“I’m someone who invests time in learning social skills.”

Each of those is a small behavior. But when done consistently, they shift how you see yourself. That’s the foundation of real confidence — not fake bravado, but the knowledge that you are someone who follows through.

This is what I help my coaching clients with. We don’t just talk about goals. We design their day-to-day life so that success becomes inevitable.

Because when your habits are aligned with your identity, motivation becomes almost irrelevant.

You just do the thing — because it’s who you are.

Habit Formation Is a Skill You Can Master

A lot of men think they lack motivation.

What they actually lack is structure.

They haven’t yet built a system that rewards consistency — and they haven’t yet become the man who follows through regardless of how he feels.

That’s why habit formation is so powerful. It gives you something to fall back on when motivation fails.

And it always does.

Even I, after coaching for 17 years, don’t wake up every day motivated. But I’ve built systems and rituals. So on the days I’m tired, or busy, or distracted — I still follow through.

Because it’s who I am now.

This applies to storytelling. To dating. To communication. To leadership. These are not things you occasionally do. These are things you train daily.

And once the habit forms, it becomes effortless.

Start Small — But Start Today

If this post resonated with you, don’t wait for the perfect time.

Here’s one small habit you can implement right now:

Every day for the next 7 days, tell one short story to a friend or colleague — using energy, movement, and emotion.

Track it. Reflect on it. And watch what happens.

You don’t need to master storytelling overnight. You just need to get the reps in.

That’s how habit formation works. Not in theory. Not in fantasy. But in action, day by day.

If you want to take this further — whether it’s mastering storytelling, building your identity, or rewiring your habits — you can apply to work with me 1-to-1, or start one of my digital training programs today.

Change doesn’t happen when you’re ready.
Change happens when you decide.

And the decision is yours.