Dating Confidence: How to Build Solid Reference Points with Women
You know when you are speaking to a really attractive woman and you crumble? You do not know what to say. You say the wrong things. Or even worse, you see a woman you find stunning and you freeze because you do not know how to start a conversation.
In this article, I am going to stop you falling into that pit of despair. I am going to teach you how to build a solid foundation so that when opportunities arise, you not only feel worthy, but you run towards those opportunities with dating confidence.
My name is Gary Gunn, and I am a professional dating coach with 17 years of experience. Let’s get into how you can transform your dating life.
Why You Struggle With Dating Confidence
If you are like most men, you are not around women you find attractive often enough. So when the opportunity arises, anxiety comes in, along with a lack of self-confidence and self-belief.
Why is it that some men can become very successful with women, yet you struggle? The answer is simple. It comes down to something known as reference points.
I am going to teach you the three biggest reference points that will help you in your dating life and boost your dating confidence.
A reference point is something you can reference. It sounds obvious, but it is very powerful.
Reference Point One: History
The first reference point is your history.
If you are dating attractive women regularly and you see another stunning woman, you are going to believe she will also be attracted to you. On the other hand, if you are not dating women you find attractive, why would you suddenly believe that they would date you?
The only difference between you and a man who dates stunning women is the reference points he has built up. His dating confidence comes from repeated experiences of success. He knows attractive women like him. That allows him to approach, speak to, and date them with ease.
Reference Point Two: Courage
You can have a thousand reference points in your dating life, but without courage, you will fail.
Imagine this. You have been introduced to hundreds of attractive women. You have dated them. But the following week, you are walking down the street and you see a woman you would love to meet. Unless you have the reference point of courage, you will fail to act.
Isn’t that interesting? You can have a history of success, yet without courage in the moment, your dating confidence collapses.
So far we have covered history and courage. There is one more.
Reference Point Three: Growth
The final reference point is growth.
If you have the mindset that you are a growing individual, you will naturally take risks and step into new opportunities. If you are not growing, you are decaying. Growth gives you a foundation of confidence because you know you are moving forward in life.
When you are on a path of personal growth, opportunities feel exciting instead of frightening.
What If You Have None of These Reference Points?
Now let us strip this back completely. What if you have never been successful with women? What if you do not have courage? What if you are not even focused on growth?
How do you become successful quickly? How do you turbocharge your dating life and develop dating confidence with immediate effect?
There are two routes. One requires investment, and the other is free.
The investment is hiring me as your dating coach. The free option is using a powerful mental technique that anyone can apply.
How Visualization Builds Dating Confidence
Your brain does not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. This is the basis of visualization and pre-performance routines.
If you imagine yourself having success with women, that visualization becomes a reference point.
Think about the three pillars: history, courage, and growth. Even if you do not have them in real life yet, you can imagine them.
Picture yourself speaking to attractive women and succeeding. Picture yourself acting with courage and approaching women. Picture yourself growing, learning, and improving as a man.
When the opportunity arises in real life, instead of panicking, you will feel as if you have already been there before. That imagined reference point supports you and boosts your dating confidence.
If you visualize courage, you will feel ready to approach. If you visualize growth, you will feel ready to take risks.
But here is the catch. With only history and courage, you will feel stable, but you will not move. What you need is the third and fourth dimension.
The third dimension is movement. The fourth is time. You need to get moving through time to take real action.
Growth in the Real World
I am a fan of personal growth in the real world because that is where the real magic happens.
What do you need to do to grow? It is simple: skill acquisition.
Take up new training courses. Learn more skills. Be proactive in your personal growth. Read books. Write poetry. Play an instrument. Learn a sport. Compete. Enroll in a degree program.
Whatever path you choose, the goal is to build the mindset of growth.
When you live as a man focused on growth, your dating confidence soars because you know you are becoming more than you were yesterday.
My Personal Growth Story
Let me share something personal with you to show how growth creates dating confidence.
I am 40 years old. In four years I will be 44. In five years I will be 45. I cannot change the passing of time. But what I can change is how I move through time.
That is why I have applied for a master’s degree in counseling and therapy. This program takes four years and leads to becoming a UK-accredited psychotherapist.
The moment I booked onto that course, I felt more worthy. I even made a simple change that morning. I was going to wear a t-shirt, but instead I put on a shirt because I now associate myself with someone who is growing.
That is the power of growth. It changes the way you see yourself, and it gives you new levels of dating confidence because you know you are stepping forward in life.
The Power of Growth and Dating Confidence
Next time you see an attractive woman, imagine standing tall with solid footing. You have the reference point of history, the courage to take action, and the mindset of growth.
From that foundation, you can move through space and time with ease. You can start a conversation with her. Maybe you end up for a coffee. Maybe something deeper happens — intimacy, a relationship, even a family.
All of these outcomes are within your control once you build reference points and learn to harness visualization.
What If You Cannot Visualize Success?
There is one important question I often hear: what happens if you cannot imagine yourself doing these things?
If you cannot visualize success, how can you expect to achieve it? If you cannot even picture yourself succeeding, how will your mind accept that it is possible?
The good news is that there are alternatives.
Instead of visualizing, you can create a vision board. Cut out images that represent your goals and place them where you will see them daily. Over time, these images will become visual metaphors for your success.
Another option is drawing. Draw where you are now and where you want to be. This is a form of art therapy and it is incredibly effective for training your brain to see your future path.
Why Dating Confidence Is Within Your Reach
Dating confidence does not depend on being born with charm, good looks, or natural charisma. It depends on building reference points.
History gives you a foundation of belief. Courage allows you to take action in the moment. Growth ensures that you are always moving forward, becoming a stronger, more attractive version of yourself.
And even if you lack all three, visualization techniques can create the same mental foundation until you develop them in real life.
This is why dating confidence is within reach for every man.
Your Next Step
If you want to accelerate your dating life, you now have two options. You can start applying these strategies on your own, using visualization, growth, and courage to build your reference points.
Or, if you want to turbocharge your dating confidence with immediate effect, you can book a consultation call with me. Together we will put these strategies into practice and design a plan tailored to your dating life.
The choice is yours. But the key is to start today. Do not delay. The sooner you create your reference points, the sooner you will transform your dating confidence and start attracting the women you desire.
Written by Gary Gunn
I coach men to build real self-confidence so they can meet, attract and date the women they truly desire.
My coaching is practical, real-world and focused on lasting behavioural change.
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