Stop Giving Away Your Power in Dating

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

7 August 2025

You’re not nice to women because you’re a nice guy. You’re nice to women because you’re scared of giving them power over you. Because when a woman has power over you, she can reject you. You’re scared of giving a woman power because you don’t want to feel rejected.

So what you do, what every guy does pretty well on the planet, is they act nice and try to portray nice qualities because the fear of rejection is so strong.

If you look at the most successful men on the planet in their dating lives, do you think they’re scared of rejection? Do you think they care? They don’t care because they have options. The more options you have, the less you care about rejection.

If you’ve got one option, all your eggs in one basket, you’re going to be scared. If you have a hundred options, you’re not going to care.

Table of Contents

Dating Is a Power Struggle

Stop giving away your power in dating. Dating is one of the most powerful areas that will either elevate or destroy your self-esteem. If you only have one dating option, perhaps you should play it safe because you’re scared of having none. You’d rather have one that may go somewhere than zero and extinguish hope.

But if you want to model the most successful men in the world, the easiest way to do that is to look at their dating options. The more options you have, the less you care.

Why You’re Nice to Everyone

Let’s take this concept wider. Why are you nice to anyone in your everyday life? Why are you nice to your neighbors? Why are you nice to your family?

In relationships you know will last for years, it makes sense to maintain peace. If you have to be around someone often, you want things to go smoothly. But the problem is when you treat everyone like you’ll be connected forever.

You treat every new person like they’re your only option, like they’re your only friend, like this opportunity is everything.

Power, Rejection, and Fear

If you could be rude to someone and they had no power over you, would you do it more? If you could tell someone to go away with no fear of reprisal, would you do it more often? The answer is yes.

The only reason you don’t act that way is because you believe that person has some kind of power over you. Maybe they’re stronger. Maybe they could talk behind your back. Maybe they could damage your reputation.

So you do everything possible to avoid conflict. You try to get along with everyone. But that mentality leads to being taken advantage of. Because no one respects someone who avoids conflict. No one respects weakness.

Conflict Management Builds Power

One of the main reasons learning conflict management is so helpful is because it teaches you that you don’t have to be weak. You can be strong. In martial arts, who are you more afraid of? The guy who can defend himself or the one who’s just nice?

There’s strength in knowing how to manage conflict. Stop giving away your power in dating by learning to stand your ground. Nice is not always good. Sometimes it’s just fear.

Most people live in power dynamics without even knowing it. They don’t realize they’re being nice because they’re afraid. They’re giving someone power over them in the hope things will work out.

How to Stop Giving Away Your Power in Dating

So how do you stop this?

How do you become someone who no longer lives in fear?

Here’s how:

Step one is to become more self-centered. A lot of people think being self-centered is wrong. But I disagree. That’s where your power lives.

If you’re not at the center of your own life, where are you? If you’re not the one leading your life, then who is?

Put yourself at the center of everything.

Step two is to realize that the people you keep giving power to, the ones you feel submissive around, come and go. They are not with you every day of your life. They don’t stay forever.

Step three is to recognize that you always have a choice. You can either keep living this way, or you can start to change.

I had a dream last night. I was around 18 years old in it, back when I was submissive to the woman I was dating. But in the dream, I stood up for myself. I woke up feeling strong. That dream reminded me how far I’ve come.

Most Fears Are Just Mental Noise

Now I stand up for myself. I have inner strength. I don’t care about threats. If someone says they’ll do something, I say, go do it.

Most of the fears we carry never come true. They’re just old mental wiring, tribal instincts telling us not to upset the group.

But we don’t live in small tribes anymore.

We’re wired for fear, but we don’t need to listen to it. Stop giving away your power in dating by refusing to live in fear.

Write This Down

All the time I give away my power, I will fail in dating.

Write this down too:

When I stop giving people power over me, I will succeed at anything.

These two thoughts are foundational if you want to change your mindset.

Why “Bad Boys” Attract Women

You’ve probably heard that women are drawn to “bad boys.”

But let’s be clear — it’s not because these men treat women poorly. It’s because they don’t give away their power.

They don’t seek approval. They don’t ask permission. They live life on their terms. And that’s incredibly attractive.

Nice guys, on the other hand, often operate from fear. They overthink every message. They wait three hours to reply because they don’t want to seem too eager. Or worse, they text back immediately and apologize for everything.

They try to avoid making mistakes, thinking that playing it safe will win her over.

But safety is not seductive. Power is.

So when a woman sees a man who isn’t afraid to take risks, who owns his space, who doesn’t crumble under pressure — she feels it. And she respects it. Even if she can’t explain why.

Stop giving away your power in dating by no longer living to please her. Live to express yourself.

How Powerful Men Speak and Act

Powerful men don’t raise their voice in conflict — they lower it.

They don’t seek validation through performance. They speak clearly, directly, and without fear of reaction.

They can say things like:

“This isn’t working for me.”
“That’s not acceptable.”
“You’re free to leave if you don’t like it.”

Not with anger. With calm authority.

This tone says: “I’m the centre of my life. I’m not trying to control you — but you won’t control me, either.”

And women feel this. You don’t have to say you’re powerful — your energy communicates it.

Powerful communication is rooted in detachment. You’re not trying to manipulate the outcome. You’re simply grounded in your values and standards.

That’s what leadership looks like. And women are deeply attracted to men who lead.

Stop Submitting in Social Settings

Let me be blunt.

You don’t have to smile at everyone. You don’t have to be polite to people who are being rude. You don’t have to keep your opinions to yourself because you’re scared of conflict.

If someone’s in your way, tell them.

If someone’s talking over you, interrupt them back.

If someone disrespects you, check them — calmly, clearly, directly.

You are not on this planet to please strangers.

You’re here to lead your life. To build your vision. To protect your standards.

Weak men accept poor treatment and stay quiet. Strong men confront it — not because they’re aggressive, but because they respect themselves too much not to.

This applies in dating just as much as it does in public life.

If a woman flakes, or disrespects your time — don’t chase. Don’t try harder. Withdraw.

Stop giving away your power in dating by removing your attention when it’s no longer earned.

Change Starts With Self-Ownership

To reclaim your power, you have to start telling yourself the truth.

Say it out loud:

“I’ve been giving away my power.”
“I’ve been afraid of rejection.”
“I’ve been trying to earn love instead of commanding respect.”

That’s not weakness. That’s self-awareness.

And from that place, you can make different decisions.

You can begin to act from strength — not survival.

You Are the Centre of Your Life

One of the most powerful exercises I use in coaching is called the Mandala of Power.

You draw yourself in the centre of a circle. Around you are all the elements of your life — dating, work, fitness, family, creativity.

Most men draw those things at the centre — with themselves orbiting around them.

That’s how they live. Always reacting. Always chasing. Always adapting.

But true masculine power comes from being the still centre of your life.

Everything else revolves around you.

You don’t bend your truth to please others. You invite others into your world — and let them stay or go.

This shift changes everything.

You walk into rooms differently. You speak differently. You date differently.

And people notice — especially women.

Practical Daily Practices to Regain Power

Here’s what you can do this week to stop giving away your power in dating:

Start your day with silence. Don’t check your phone for the first 30 minutes. Sit with your thoughts. You lead the day, not the world.
Set boundaries — even in small ways. If someone interrupts you, pause, and say, “Let me finish.” Train your voice.
Do one thing per day you used to avoid out of fear. Speak to that woman. Tell the truth. Disagree. Lead the moment.
Track when you feel small. Don’t judge. Just notice. Every time you shrink, make a mental note. That’s where your power leaks.
Repeat this phrase daily:
“I am the source. I give no one the power to define me.”

These small acts of self-leadership compound. Power is not a feeling — it’s a practice.

This Isn’t Just About Dating

This is about how you show up in life.

Dating is just the arena where your patterns get exposed the fastest. Because when attraction is on the line — your fear, insecurity, and people-pleasing will all rise to the surface.

And that’s a gift.

It shows you exactly where you’ve been giving your power away.

Once you see it, you can change it.

So stop giving away your power in dating…
…and you’ll stop giving it away everywhere else.

You’re Allowed to Be Powerful

Let’s end with this:

You are allowed to set standards.
You are allowed to say “no.”
You are allowed to walk away.
You are allowed to own your voice, your choices, and your reality.

Powerful men aren’t born that way.
They’re forged — through discomfort, discipline, and deciding that they’re no longer available for anything less than respect.

You don’t need more tips, tricks, or hacks.

You need to remember who you are.

You are not here to beg for validation.
You are here to lead, to choose, and to be chosen.

And every time you choose yourself — your habits change.
Your body changes.
Your dating life changes.

Because your identity shifts.

Ready to Reclaim Your Power?

If this post hit something real for you, then your next step is simple:

Apply to work with me 1-to-1 — and I’ll personally guide you through this transformation.
Or, start one of my digital training programs — and learn how to master your mindset, communication, and dating life on your own time.

Either way:
Don’t just consume content. Take action.

Power is a muscle. And it grows with use.

Start training yours today.