5 Things Ordinary Men Do Wrong in Dating (That Kill Attraction)
Most men are not failing in dating because of bad luck.
They’re failing because of bad habits.
They say the wrong things. Focus on the wrong goals. Show up in the wrong energy.
And even though they mean well – they push women away without realising it.
In this article, I’ll break down the 5 most common mistakes ordinary men make in dating – and what to do instead if you want to stand out, lead with strength, and create real attraction.
Let’s dive in.
Mistake #1 – They Try to Impress Her Instead of Express Themselves
What Most Men Do
They think dating is a performance.
- They show off.
- They say what they think she wants to hear.
- They hide their real views to “keep the vibe.”
All of it comes from one place:
Fear of rejection.
They’d rather impress her than express themselves.
Why It Pushes Women Away
- Women don’t want a show.
- They want truth.
- And when a man hides who he is, it feels like he has something to prove – or worse, something to hide.
That creates distance, not connection.
What to Do Instead
- Speak your truth – not her script.
- Share your real thoughts, values, and humour.
You’ll polarise. Some women won’t like it. But the right ones will lean in – hard.
Mistake #2 – They Wait for Permission to Lead
What Most Men Do
They wait to see how she feels first.
- “Is she into me?”
- “Should I wait for her to message?”
- “Is it too soon to ask her out?”
They treat dating like customer service – not leadership.
Why It Pushes Women Away
- Women are wired to relax into a man’s direction.
If she feels she has to steer the whole thing, it becomes work – and attraction fades.
Hesitation = weakness.
What to Do Instead
Lead first. Always.
- Pick the venue.
- Suggest the time.
- Say what you want.
Women don’t want a passive partner. They want a grounded leader who knows where he’s going – and invites her along.
Mistake #3 – They React Emotionally to Every Signal
What Most Men Do
- One slow reply = panic.
- One flake = anger.
- One test = collapse.
They ride an emotional rollercoaster with every text she sends – or doesn’t.
Why It Pushes Women Away
- It shows instability.
- And instability = unsafe.
No matter how attractive you are on paper, if your emotional world is chaos, women will pull back – fast.
What to Do Instead
Build emotional control.
- Pause before reacting.
- Respond, don’t react.
- Detach from needing anything in return.
She might test you. She might go quiet. Hold frame anyway.
Calm is rare. And rare is magnetic.
Mistake #4 – They Hide Their Standards to Be “Liked”
What Most Men Do
- They go with whatever she wants.
- They avoid calling out red flags.
- They overlook low effort.
They become approval-seeking versions of themselves – just to keep her interested.
Why It Pushes Women Away
No standards = no respect.
- If you don’t stand for anything, she’ll feel it.
And what she once saw as “easygoing” quickly becomes “weak.”
What to Do Instead
- Set boundaries early.
- Call out bad behaviour calmly.
- Say no when it matters.
Women trust men with standards. Not because they’re harsh – but because they’re clear.
Mistake #5 – They Try to Win Her Instead of Qualify Her
What Most Men Do
- They treat every woman like a prize.
- They chase. They convince. They impress.
Every move is about being “chosen.”
Why It Pushes Women Away
- It flips the dynamic.
- She’s the one with all the power.
- And you’re just hoping to be picked.
That’s not masculine. That’s passive.
What to Do Instead
Qualify her.
Ask yourself:
“Is she someone I want to bring into my life?”
“Does she meet my standards?”
“Is this connection healthy and reciprocal?”
When you vet her as much as she vets you, something powerful happens:
You become the prize.
Conclusion – Attraction Isn’t About Tricks. It’s About Truth.
Ordinary men fail because they follow the wrong blueprint.
- They perform. They chase. They bend.
- And it leads to rejection, confusion, and burnout.
But when you flip the script – and start leading, expressing, holding frame, and qualifying – everything shifts.
- You stop chasing connection.
- You start choosing it.
Written by Gary Gunn
Gary Gunn is an internationally accredited coach with 17 years of experience coaching single men.
He has spent years creating proven, real world systems that help men meet, attract and date the women they desire. He is also the best selling author of a book on confidence and dating.
Gary has taught in over 30 major cities worldwide and has coached more than 1,200 men globally through group courses, video coaching and one to one training.
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