What Women Think When You Approach Them

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

10 October 2025

My name is Gary Gunn. I am a professional dating and self-confidence coach with 17 years of experience. In this article, I want to share insights from one of my workshops where I teach men how to speak to women in real-world settings.

We are going to cover the 10 things women are actually thinking when you approach them and how you can make a great impression that sparks attraction. I have coached men all over the world on the streets, in shops, during the day, in art galleries, and in everyday life settings outside of bars, nightclubs, and dating apps.

This knowledge can change your dating life if you pay attention and apply it.

Table of Contents

The 10 Things Women Think When You Approach

When you walk up to a woman, there are a series of rapid thoughts she is likely to have. On a subconscious level, she will process at least seven out of the following ten questions:

Why is he talking to me
What does he actually want
Is he confident or nervous
Is he well-groomed or well-styled
Is he safe
Is this socially acceptable
Is he interesting or successful
Is he financially successful
Is he pursuing goals
Is he attractive to other women

While not every woman will consciously analyze all of these at once, most will assess the majority of them without even realizing it.

The First Three Impressions

The first questions in her mind are why is he talking to me, what does he want, and is he confident or nervous.

The way to overcome these instantly is to approach her with calm confidence. Make eye contact, pause briefly, and then speak clearly. For example, you can say:

“Excuse me, I was just on my way to meet a friend, but I saw you and had to come over and say you have the most beautiful eyes.”

This type of approach immediately answers her unspoken questions. She knows why you are speaking to her, she understands your intent, and she sees you have the confidence to express yourself directly.

Grooming and Style

The next thought that crosses her mind is whether you are well-groomed. This is not about wearing designer clothes or having the perfect style. Grooming is more about being clean, having fresh breath, wearing clothes that fit, and presenting yourself with care.

Style is subjective. Some women are attracted to tattoos, others to a sharp shirt or casual fashion. What matters most is grooming because it communicates self-respect.

Making Her Feel Safe

Another important factor is whether she feels safe. Many men do not realize how physical presence can influence this. If you stand directly in front of her, facing her square on, it can feel intimidating.

Instead, I coach my clients to stand slightly angled, with the upper body turned toward her but the lower body suggesting that you could leave at any time. Keep about 1.5 meters of distance when you first approach. This body language shows you are respectful of her personal space, which makes her feel more at ease.

Is This Socially Acceptable

Some women may wonder if it is socially acceptable to meet a man outside of dating apps or friendship circles. You can address this with a light statement such as:

“Excuse me, I do not normally do this, but I had to come over and say hello.”

This simple line reassures her that you are aware of the social context and makes the situation feel more natural.

Showing You Are Interesting and Successful

Once you have passed the first tests, her thoughts shift to deeper questions. Is he interesting, successful, financially stable, pursuing goals, and attractive to other women?

You can answer these without bragging by using storytelling. A story gives her a window into your life, your personality, and your values without you needing to list your achievements.

How to Use Storytelling

Storytelling works best when it communicates qualities such as responsibility, ambition, stability, or playfulness. For example, you might casually mention:

“When I was studying my masters I had a professor who really challenged me.”

Or:

“I just got back from working in New York and it reminded me of the energy in this city.”

These details naturally show that you are educated, ambitious, or well-traveled. You are not listing achievements. You are simply sharing experiences in a way that reveals attractive traits.

Even small details work. One of my clients once told a woman during a conversation about public transport that he had considered buying an Aston Martin but decided against it because London traffic was unbearable. It was a casual remark, but it carried signals of ambition and financial security without coming across as arrogant.

Flirting and Teasing

Many men forget the importance of flirting and teasing. If you want a woman to see you as attractive, you need to demonstrate that you are comfortable around women. Teasing playfully shows you are relaxed and fun.

If you have not spent much time around physically attractive women, you might feel nervous about flirting. But it is essential. A little playful challenge creates a spark and sets you apart from men who only try to impress.

Present Moment Storytelling

Another advanced storytelling technique is telling stories in the present moment. Instead of saying, “When I took an acting class, this is what happened,” you shift it to the present tense.

For example:

“There I was, the oldest person in the room, not knowing what to do. The teacher starts explaining techniques I had never heard of. Everyone else is nodding. Scripts are being handed out, and I am looking at my paper thinking what have I done signing up for this.”

This style of storytelling pulls her into your world. It is more engaging because she experiences it with you as you describe it.

Refining Your Stories

The more you practice, the more polished your stories become. Over time, you will learn which stories connect best and how to naturally weave in details about your life that showcase your personality. This is not about fabricating. It is about highlighting your real qualities in a way that is engaging.

Bringing It All Together

To recap, when you approach a woman, she will subconsciously be running through ten key questions. You can answer the first three immediately with confident body language and a clear introduction. Grooming and safety are managed through presentation and respectful positioning.

The deeper questions about success, ambition, and attraction can be answered naturally through storytelling and playful interaction. By practicing these skills, you help her feel relaxed and interested, which increases the chance of building a genuine connection.

Why First Impressions Matter in Dating

When we talk about what women first notice, we are really talking about first impressions. These happen within seconds. A woman is scanning not only your appearance but also your energy, your mannerisms, and how you carry yourself.

The good news is that first impressions are not about being perfect. They are about being authentic, present, and confident in who you are. If you can manage your body language, your grooming, and your intent, you will already stand out from most men.

Confidence Is More Than Words

Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a woman notices when you approach her. But confidence is not about being loud or overly dominant. It is about being comfortable in your own skin.

You demonstrate confidence by how you move, how you pause before speaking, and how you hold eye contact without rushing. Even small signals like standing tall or speaking clearly communicate that you are grounded.

If you approach nervously, apologizing or fidgeting, she will pick up on it instantly. Instead, allow yourself to breathe, smile naturally, and accept the moment. This tells her you are present and not seeking validation.

The Role of Grooming and Lifestyle

Another important aspect of what women first notice is grooming. Women often associate grooming with discipline and self-respect. When you take care of your appearance, it communicates that you respect yourself and that you can also respect her.

This does not mean you need to look like a fashion model. It means your clothes are clean, your hair is tidy, and you smell fresh. Lifestyle habits like fitness, skincare, and even posture all play a role in creating an attractive impression.

Grooming is not about vanity. It is about signaling health, stability, and readiness for a relationship. These are qualities women subconsciously look for because they want to feel safe and supported.

How Safety Influences Attraction

One of the strongest subconscious filters women use is safety. A woman needs to feel safe before she can feel attracted. Safety is not only about physical distance and body language, though those are important. It is also about the vibe you project.

If you approach too aggressively, stand too close, or use pushy language, she will withdraw. On the other hand, if you create space, smile, and let her see that you can leave at any moment, she feels no pressure.

Safety also extends to how you listen. If you give her time to respond, nod, and acknowledge her words, she knows you are respectful. This type of interaction builds trust, and trust is the foundation of attraction.

The Social Acceptability Question

Another element of what women first notice is whether your approach feels natural in the situation. Many women are conditioned to think that dating should only happen through apps or mutual friends.

You can overcome this by addressing the context in a light way. A line like “I do not normally do this, but I wanted to say hello” makes the moment feel acceptable. It shows awareness and prevents her from feeling judged for talking to you.

By acknowledging the situation, you give her permission to relax and enjoy the interaction.

How Women Assess Success and Ambition

Beyond the immediate safety and grooming checks, women also notice whether you appear ambitious or successful. Success here does not mean driving a luxury car or showing off material wealth. It is more about purpose and direction in life.

When you talk about projects you are working on, goals you are pursuing, or skills you are developing, it demonstrates that you are motivated. Women find this attractive because ambition signals stability and potential for growth.

It is not about boasting. It is about naturally sharing aspects of your life that reveal your drive. For example, mentioning that you are training for a marathon or learning a new language subtly communicates discipline and ambition.

The Subconscious Test of Social Proof

Another question in her mind is whether you are attractive to other women. This is a natural part of human psychology called social proof. If other women find you attractive, she is more likely to see you as attractive too.

You do not need to state this directly. Instead, you can demonstrate it through playful teasing, confident flirting, and relaxed conversation. When you behave as though you are comfortable around attractive women, she senses that you have experience.

This creates a subtle but powerful signal that you are desirable.

Storytelling as a Tool for Connection

Storytelling is one of the best ways to show your personality, achievements, and values without sounding arrogant. A good story gives her an emotional experience, makes her laugh, or helps her see a new side of you.

When you tell a story, focus on moments of growth, challenge, or humor. For example, talking about a time you traveled alone and got lost can reveal independence and resilience.

The key is to keep your stories genuine. You are not trying to impress her with facts. You are inviting her into your world.

Present Moment Storytelling in Practice

Telling stories in the present tense makes them more powerful. It draws her in because she feels like she is experiencing the moment with you.

Instead of saying, “I once took a cooking class,” you could say, “There I was in the kitchen, the only guy in the room, surrounded by people who already looked like professional chefs. The instructor hands me a knife, and I am thinking, what have I gotten myself into.”

This approach makes your story more engaging, playful, and memorable.

Why Flirting and Teasing Create Attraction

Flirting and teasing are essential tools to build chemistry. Many men make the mistake of being too serious or trying too hard to impress. But attraction grows when there is playfulness.

A light tease, such as joking about her choice of coffee or playfully challenging her opinion, creates tension in a fun way. It shows you are not intimidated and that you see her as more than just her looks.

Flirting also helps establish that you are comfortable in romantic situations. It differentiates you from men who only engage in surface-level small talk.

Relaxation Is Key

Ultimately, what women first notice is not just your words but how relaxed you are. If you are calm, playful, and open, she will mirror that energy. If you are tense and self-conscious, she will pick up on it.

Relaxation allows your personality to shine through. It helps you connect more deeply and makes the entire interaction enjoyable for both of you.

The Power of Body Language

When you are learning what women first notice, body language becomes one of the most important factors. Women read your posture, your stance, your gestures, and your facial expressions instantly. In fact, body language often communicates more than words.

If you slouch, cross your arms, or shuffle nervously, she will feel your uncertainty before you even open your mouth. If you stand tall, shoulders relaxed, chin slightly lifted, she will sense confidence.

Keep your hands visible, avoid fidgeting, and smile naturally. This openness signals that you are calm, grounded, and trustworthy. Body language is the silent conversation that begins before you speak.

How Eye Contact Shapes Connection

Another subtle but powerful element of what women first notice is eye contact. Holding steady eye contact shows confidence and presence. It demonstrates that you are interested in her and not distracted.

The key is balance. If you stare too intensely, it can feel intimidating. If you look away too quickly, it communicates insecurity. Aim for soft but steady eye contact, paired with a relaxed smile.

Good eye contact creates a sense of intimacy even in the first seconds of meeting. It is one of the fastest ways to build trust and attraction.

The Importance of Voice

Your voice is also part of what women first notice. A rushed, high-pitched, or hesitant voice signals nervousness. A slow, clear, and deep voice communicates calmness and self-assurance.

You can practice this by recording yourself speaking and slowing down your pace. Breathing deeply before approaching also helps you project your voice more steadily.

The way you speak matters as much as what you say. A confident tone makes even simple words feel more engaging.

Why Humor Matters

Humor is a universal sign of intelligence and social confidence. Women notice if you can make them laugh because laughter creates instant connection. It also lowers defenses and makes the interaction enjoyable.

Humor does not mean telling rehearsed jokes. It is more about playful observations or witty comments about the moment. For example, if it suddenly starts raining, you could smile and say, “Perfect timing. The city clearly wanted to test us.”

These small moments of humor show you can enjoy life and not take things too seriously.

Storytelling and Emotional Connection

We have already talked about storytelling, but it is worth exploring further because it plays such a vital role in attraction. Stories allow women to feel your emotions, understand your values, and imagine what life with you might be like.

The best stories are short, relevant, and emotionally engaging. You do not need to tell your life story. Instead, focus on small experiences that reveal your personality.

For example, you might share how you got lost in a new city but ended up discovering a hidden café. That one story reveals curiosity, resilience, and positivity.

Women notice not just the story itself but how you tell it. If you are animated, expressive, and present, it makes her feel connected to you.

Emotional Intelligence and Listening

Another aspect of what women first notice is how well you listen. Many men make the mistake of talking too much about themselves. But attraction is built when she feels heard and understood.

Ask questions about her experiences, listen to her answers, and respond thoughtfully. Do not interrupt or jump in with your own story too quickly.

When a woman notices that you are genuinely interested in what she says, she feels valued. Emotional intelligence sets you apart from men who only focus on themselves.

Why Relaxed Presence Wins

One of the most attractive qualities is relaxed presence. Women notice if you seem rushed or anxious. They also notice if you are calm, centered, and enjoying the interaction.

Relaxed presence shows that you are comfortable in your own skin. It makes her feel more relaxed too. This is why mindfulness, breathing exercises, and even practicing social interactions can improve your dating life.

The more you learn to enjoy the process of meeting people, the more natural and confident you will appear.

What Women First Notice Beyond Looks

A common misconception is that women only notice physical appearance. While looks play a role, they are far from the only factor. Personality, energy, confidence, and humor often outweigh appearance in long-term attraction.

A well-groomed man who carries himself with purpose and makes her feel safe will often be more attractive than a model who lacks confidence.

Women notice how you make them feel. If you make her feel comfortable, valued, and intrigued, you will stand out regardless of physical perfection.

Practicing the Skills

Everything we have covered so far can be practiced. Confidence, grooming, storytelling, flirting, and relaxed presence are all skills that improve with repetition.

Start by paying attention to your body language in daily life. Practice speaking slowly and clearly with friends. Share short stories in conversations and notice how people respond.

Approach more women in everyday situations, even if it is just to say hello. Each time you do, you are training your nervous system to stay calm and confident.

The more you practice, the more natural these behaviors will become.

The Compound Effect of Small Improvements

What women first notice is not one single thing. It is the combination of your grooming, body language, confidence, voice, humor, and presence.

By improving each area even slightly, you create a powerful overall impression. A man who takes care of his grooming, stands tall, tells engaging stories, and flirts playfully will naturally stand out from the crowd.

Small improvements add up. Over time, these habits become part of who you are, and women will notice the difference immediately.

Creating Genuine Connections

At the core of attraction is connection. Women are drawn to men who make them feel alive, safe, and appreciated. When you focus on creating genuine moments rather than trying to impress, you naturally become more attractive.

Instead of asking yourself, “How can I win her over?” ask, “How can I enjoy this interaction and make her feel comfortable?” This mindset shift reduces pressure and allows chemistry to develop naturally.

Final Thoughts on First Impressions

When you approach a woman, remember that she is quickly noticing multiple things about you. From your grooming to your confidence, from your humor to your presence, all of these create a snapshot in her mind.

The key is not perfection but authenticity. Women are highly intuitive. If you are genuine, respectful, and confident, she will feel it.

What women first notice is an opportunity for you to show the best version of yourself. With practice, you can turn these first moments into the foundation of lasting attraction.