How to Turn Fantasizing About Women Into Real-Life Confidence

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

27 August 2025

If you fantasize about women, I have some good news for you. Your fantasy is just your subconscious mind venting. It is frustrated with your lack of dating success, so you fantasize about the women you want to date. The good news is that in today’s post, I am going to teach you how to use your fantasies and make them into realities.

There is a big difference between daydreaming and visualizing for success. All of us daydream. All of us fantasize. All of us vent through our imagination. What I am going to share with you here is a way to take that habit and use it to grow. This is the first time I am sharing this content, so make sure you pay attention.

Table of Contents

Why Fantasizing About Women Can Hold You Back

The first thing to understand about daydreaming is that it can be a form of venting. Imagine you go to your local shop and the cashier is rude to you. You leave the shop and immediately start visualizing yourself standing up to them. You imagine putting them in their place and you feel better.

This is normal. We often daydream about how we could have handled situations differently. But the problem is that we tend to overcompensate. We visualize too much and create unrealistic versions of ourselves. That feels good in the moment, but afterwards you can fall off a cliff emotionally.

This same pattern happens when you are fantasizing about women. You see an attractive woman on the train or walking down the street, and suddenly you imagine your whole life together. That fantasy is overcompensating for the fact that you did not take action.

The key is to shift from overcompensating to visualizing success in a practical way.

The Two Questions That Change Everything

Here is a simple method to change how you use your imagination. Whenever you catch yourself daydreaming, instead of going deep into fantasy, ask yourself two questions:

What did I do right?
What could I improve next time?

For example, in the shop scenario you might say:

What did I do right? I went in and bought what I needed.
What could I improve? Next time I could stand up for myself more.

When you see an attractive woman on the bus, you can do the same:

What did I do right? I got on public transport.
What could I improve? I could have smiled or said hello.

This turns your fantasies into building blocks for growth instead of just escapism. You build on your small successes and use your imagination to create practical next steps.

Using Visualization To Change How You Feel Around Women

Now let’s push this a little further. Instead of only reviewing past moments, you can use visualizations to change how you feel before you approach women.

Think about a woman you keep seeing in your daily life. Imagine yourself starting a conversation with her. Before you visualize that, ask yourself: how can I feel good about myself first?

You could imagine yourself exercising and feeling strong. You could picture yourself doing standup comedy and making everyone laugh. These visualizations do not need to be true stories. What matters is that they put you in a confident, playful, or relaxed mood before you act.

This is similar to techniques used in acting, like the Meisner technique, where you create an imagined reality to shift your state of being. The point is to use your imagination to access resourceful moods, not to escape reality.

Why Overcompensation Kills Your Dating Progress

One of the biggest mistakes men make when fantasizing about women is overcompensation. Something is not working, they feel frustrated, and instead of making small steps they create big unrealistic fantasies.

I used to have a coach who worked for me that would do this all the time. He would miss opportunities to talk to women, then wind himself up, and eventually put all his pressure into one massive interaction. Of course, it almost never went well.

The same thing happens when you imagine a huge breakthrough in your dating life. You picture something so big and exciting that it can only ever remain a fantasy. Instead, take the pressure off. Talk to more people. Build up your confidence step by step.

Channeling Your Fantasies Into Goals

So what else can you do with your daydreams? One approach is the classic self-improvement method: channel them into your goals.

Step one is to set big goals that excite you. When your goals are compelling, you will naturally think about them more often.

Step two is to create reminders. I personally read my goals every morning. I even use a tablet just for this purpose. This keeps my intent focused every day.

Step three is to use symbols and metaphors. You can have keys to a new house as a symbol. You can use a vision board with your dream car, dream home, and dream lifestyle. These constant reminders help focus your imagination toward real outcomes.

This method works and it is useful, though it can feel a bit repetitive or boring for some. That is why I like to expand beyond just goals and show you creative ways to use fantasies about women and other daydreams to access deeper levels of change.

Why You Should Embrace Your Fantasies

Here is the first step: embrace your fantasies instead of cutting them off. Let’s say you are daydreaming about an attractive woman walking up to you and starting a conversation. Do not dismiss it. Explore it.

Ask yourself: how can I make that happen?

The answer might be different for everyone. Maybe you realize you would need to be more socially known. Maybe you decide you would like to get back into music or become more active in your community. What is happening here is that your daydreams are acting like signposts. They are pointing toward what you actually want.

When you explore them with curiosity instead of shame, you discover hidden desires and possible directions for your life.

Turning Sexual Fantasies Into Signposts

Let’s take a more direct example. Maybe one of your fantasies is to be with two women at the same time. A lot of men fantasize about a threesome. Instead of dismissing it or feeling shame, embrace it and explore it.

Visualize the details. Where are you? What time of day is it? What is happening? Once you embrace the fantasy, ask yourself the key question: how did that happen?

Your answer will be unique. Maybe it means becoming more confident socially. Maybe it means exploring certain communities or social circles. What matters is that your daydream has given you a signpost. It is showing you something you desire, and if you are open-minded, you can begin to change your life to move toward it.

Daydreams and fantasies are not just escapes. They are clues about the deeper direction of your life.

Keeping Your Fantasies to Yourself

Another important point is that you do not need to share your daydreams with anyone. Fantasizing about women is private, and the details of your imagination are yours alone. You can draw them, write them down, or use a vision board. What matters is that they guide you into growth.

When you use your fantasies as inner signposts, they can lead you toward a more fulfilling life.

Fantasies as Creative Expression

Your daydreams are also a form of creative energy. Think of artists, writers, and filmmakers. Much of their work comes from imagination. Your fantasies could become the basis of a story, a painting, or even a project that inspires you.

If you find yourself fantasizing about women or other situations over and over again, try expressing it. Write a short story. Record a podcast episode. Sketch a scene. By getting it out of your system, you may discover new insights about yourself and free your mind for deeper dreams.

The Buddhist View on Fantasies and Karma

There is also a spiritual angle. Buddhists talk about living through your karma. If you have a recurring fantasy and never explore it, you get stuck. You cannot see what is behind that fantasy because you never process it.

Imagine having thousands of daydreams over ten years. If you keep looping on the same one, you are not living through your karma. You are stuck in one layer of your life.

For example, someone might always dream of traveling to Brazil. The person who never goes keeps fantasizing. The person who goes, even once, discovers whether they want to go again or move on to another dream.

The same is true with fantasizing about women. If you stay stuck in the same fantasy without exploring what it means, you get trapped. But if you embrace it, take small steps, and see what is behind it, you keep moving forward.

Transmuting Sexual Energy

Now let’s go deeper. Fantasies about women are not only about desire. They are also energy. Sexual energy is one of the most powerful forces in the body. Instead of wasting it, you can learn to channel it.

One way to do this is to attach your fantasy to another goal. For example, if you are fantasizing about a threesome and it excites you, at the same time imagine yourself winning a gold medal or achieving something meaningful in your career. By linking the two, you transfer that energy into another area of your life.

This is called transmutation of energy. Instead of letting your fantasies drain you, you use them to energize your ambitions.

Controlling Sexual Urges With Visualization

If you struggle with sexual urges that feel overwhelming, you are not alone. Many men hide these feelings for their entire lives. They may develop habits like porn addiction, compulsive masturbation, or simply walking around constantly distracted by women.

Most men try to fight this by using techniques like cold showers, ice baths, or breathing exercises. These can help, but they often do not solve the real issue. The truth is that the sexual impulse is powerful, and when you learn how to channel it, fantasizing about women becomes a strength instead of a weakness.

A Grounding Technique To Transform Sexual Energy

Here is a simple but powerful technique you can try the next time you feel that rush of sexual energy.

Stand up straight.
Take off your shoes and socks so you are connected to the floor or to the ground outside.
Imagine the sexual energy in your body moving down into your feet.

As you do this, you will feel your feet scrunch up and your ankles grow stronger. What you are doing is grounding your sexual energy. Instead of letting it control your mind, you are moving it into your body and stabilizing it.

Once it is grounded, the urgency decreases and you feel calmer, stronger, and more stable. This technique is a way of embracing your sexual energy instead of running from it.

From Sexual Energy To Strength

When you ground this energy, you will notice your legs and posture feel stronger. This makes sense because throughout history men often needed strength and readiness to fight in order to earn mating opportunities.

By grounding your sexual energy, you are activating this primal strength. Instead of wasting it through distraction, you are embodying it.

Once the energy is in your legs, you can begin to move it upward through your body. Imagine the energy rising into your upper body, filling you with strength and presence. You will notice a change not only in how you feel but also in how you carry yourself and even how your voice sounds.

The Power of Energy Exchange With Women

Now think about what happens when you approach a woman while channeling this energy. Instead of coming across nervous or needy, you radiate strength, presence, and confidence.

If you walk up to a woman and say, “Excuse me, you look incredible,” while this energy flows through your body, the impact is completely different. She feels it. This is the difference between a man who leaks energy through fantasizing about women and a man who channels it into his presence.

Visualizing Energy As a Sphere

Another way to work with this is to imagine your energy as a sphere. Picture a ball of energy forming in your chest. For some men it is purple, for others it may be another color.

You can imagine placing this energy inside yourself to feel even stronger. Or you can imagine giving it to someone else as a gift, creating an energetic exchange that feels powerful and uplifting.

When you learn to use sexual energy this way, you realize how much power you used to waste through old habits. Instead of losing energy, you grow stronger, more confident, and more alive.

Why Most Men Stay Stuck in Fantasy

Here’s the hard truth: most men spend their lives stuck in fantasy. They use their imagination as an escape rather than a guide. Fantasizing about women becomes a loop. They picture the same scenarios again and again but never act on them.

This leads to frustration. You feel the energy, but it has nowhere to go. Over time, this creates anxiety, shame, and a sense of weakness.

The reason is simple: without grounding, without direction, fantasy is just smoke. It never becomes fire.

The Difference Between Suppression and Transmutation

Many men try to deal with their fantasies by suppressing them. They judge themselves. They try to block the thoughts. Or they numb them with distractions like porn or endless scrolling.

Suppression never works. The more you push something down, the stronger it becomes.

The key is transmutation. Instead of fighting your fantasies, you channel them into something higher. Fantasizing about women can either make you weaker or it can make you stronger. The choice is in how you direct the energy.

From Fantasy to Reality

Let’s make this practical. Imagine you keep fantasizing about dating a particular type of woman — maybe someone elegant, well-traveled, and inspiring. Instead of just looping that fantasy in your head, ask:

Where do women like that spend time?
How can I improve myself to be the kind of man she is attracted to?
What steps would actually make that fantasy possible?

Suddenly, the fantasy is not just a dream. It is a blueprint. You are turning imagination into action.

The Shadow Side of Fantasy

Of course, there is a danger here. If fantasizing about women becomes an obsession, it can distort reality. You begin to project things onto women that are not there. You see them as symbols of your fantasy instead of real human beings.

This is why grounding is so important. When you channel your sexual energy into your body, you stay rooted in the present moment. You see women as they truly are, not just as characters in your imagination.

Using Fantasy as a Mirror

Your fantasies are mirrors. They reveal what is inside you. If you often fantasize about dominance, freedom, or deep emotional intimacy, those are clues about your desires in real life.

Ask yourself:

What does this fantasy say about me?
What part of myself am I trying to express?
What is missing in my current reality that shows up in this dream?

By reflecting on these questions, fantasizing about women becomes a tool for self-awareness.

The Masculine Path: Living Through Desire

One of the deepest truths is that men are shaped by their desires. Fantasizing about women is not random — it reflects your growth path. Each fantasy shows you something about where you are in your development and where you might need to go next.

If you ignore your fantasies, you stagnate. If you shame them, you weaken yourself. But if you embrace them, reflect on them, and then take action, you evolve.

This is why spiritual traditions like Buddhism speak about living through your karma. Your fantasies are part of your karma. You must live them, process them, and then move beyond them to discover what lies deeper.

The Layers Behind Every Fantasy

Most men think their fantasies are the end point. For example:

“I fantasize about sleeping with more women.”
“I fantasize about having status and being desired.”
“I fantasize about emotional intimacy with the perfect partner.”

But the truth is that every fantasy is just a layer. Once you live through one, you discover what lies underneath.

Maybe you thought you wanted endless casual encounters, but after experiencing them, you realize you actually crave deeper connection. Or maybe you thought you only wanted stability, but after living it, you discover a need for adventure.

The point is, fantasizing about women is a starting point, not a destination.

Energy Leaks vs. Energy Mastery

Here’s the difference between most men and high-value men:

Most men leak energy. They fantasize endlessly, lose control of their urges, and become weaker over time.
High-value men master energy. They fantasize, reflect, ground, and transmute the energy into action, presence, and achievement.

This mastery creates magnetism. Women feel it instantly. They cannot always explain why, but they sense when a man is deeply present, embodied, and not lost in his head.

The Voice of a Man Who Channels Desire

Think about how your voice changes when you are grounded in your energy. When you speak from your chest, not your head, your tone carries weight.

If you walk up to a woman and say, “Excuse me, you’re stunning,” but your voice is weak and nervous, she feels the lack of grounding.

But if you say the same words while channeling your sexual energy into your body, your tone is slower, deeper, and more resonant. That alone makes her pay attention.

Your voice reveals whether fantasizing about women has made you needy or powerful.

The Ultimate Goal: Integration

The endgame is not to suppress, and it is not to indulge endlessly. The ultimate goal is integration.

You acknowledge your fantasies.
You learn from them.
You live through them when necessary.
You transmute the energy into strength, creativity, and presence.

When you integrate, you stop being at war with yourself. You stop hiding. You stop leaking. Instead, you embody your masculine power fully — and women feel it.

Why Women Respond to Presence, Not Fantasy

When you interact with women, they are not responding to your words alone. They are responding to your state.

If you are stuck in your head, fantasizing about women instead of being present with them, they feel a gap. Something is “off.” You might say the right things, but it doesn’t land.

On the other hand, when you are fully present — grounded, connected, channeling your energy into your body — your presence does the work for you. She feels seen, felt, and safe.

This is why some men can say almost nothing and still attract women, while others can memorize all the “pickup lines” in the world and still fail.

It’s not about the line. It’s about the energy behind it.

Fantasy Without Action Creates Weakness

Here’s the danger: if you spend years fantasizing about women without taking real-world action, you train your body and mind into weakness.

Why? Because your nervous system gets conditioned to chase dopamine from fantasy alone. Instead of building courage, presence, and skill, you escape into imagination.

Over time, this leads to:

Approach anxiety
Fear of rejection
Shallow conversations
Porn addiction or compulsive habits
A sense that women are always “out of reach”

This is the prison of fantasy.

Turning Fantasy Into Fuel

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Fantasizing about women can be powerful fuel if you use it correctly.

The process is simple:

Notice the fantasy. Don’t judge it. Don’t run from it.
Ground the energy. Use your body. Breathe deeply. Push the energy into your feet.
Reflect on the meaning. Ask: What is this fantasy really telling me about my desires, values, or next step?
Take aligned action. Use the energy to approach, to connect, to improve yourself, to live.

When you repeat this process, every fantasy becomes a stepping stone toward growth.

Fantasizing as Creative Power

Remember — fantasy is not the enemy. In fact, it is one of the most powerful creative tools you have.

Every invention, every business, every adventure begins as a fantasy. The key is that visionaries don’t stop at dreaming. They bring their imagination into reality.

Dating is no different. Fantasizing about women can be the spark that pushes you to dress better, train harder, develop confidence, or finally walk across the street to meet someone.

When you use fantasy as creative power, your dating life transforms.