How to Create Your Ideal Dating Life (Step-by-Step Guide)

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

4 September 2025

If you cannot imagine your ideal dating life, you have less than zero chance of ever living it.

My name is Gary Gun, and I have been a professional dating coach for over 17 years. Over that time, I’ve worked with clients ranging from everyday professionals to top CEOs and Fortune 500 executives. No matter who they are, I always start in the same place: with three simple but powerful questions.

These three questions will help you figure out:

a) The type of woman you want to meet
b) Where to meet her
c) The kind of relationship you actually desire

If you skip this step, you risk wandering without clarity. Many relationships fail not because of what happens later but because they were never built on a clear vision in the first place. Without direction, things break down, self-confidence takes a hit, and dating begins to feel overwhelming.

If you are single, whether you want a long-term partner, a family, or just want to enjoy dating, getting clarity on your ideal dating life is the first and most important step.

Table of Contents

Why Your Ideal Dating Life Starts With Clarity

Imagine walking into a gym with no plan. You pick up random weights, run a little on the treadmill, and leave. Do that every week and you won’t see progress. But if you go in with a clear training program, you know what to lift, how many reps, and why you’re doing it.

Dating works the same way. If you don’t define your ideal dating life, you’re just wandering through situations that don’t serve you.

Clarity gives you direction. Direction gives you power.

The Power of Asking What If

Before we get to the three core questions, I want you to try an exercise. It’s called What if?

Ask yourself:

What if I had my ideal dating life?
What if it was so good I got lazy?
What if what I think I want isn’t really what I want?
What if my current struggles in dating are actually serving me?
What if I had no goals at all?

Now let’s imagine fast-forwarding 10 years. You’ve achieved everything you thought you wanted.

Would you still be happy? Would it feel real and earned? Or would you feel restless again?

The point of this exercise is to realize that the struggle is part of what makes your ideal dating life valuable. If I could click my fingers and give you instant success with women, you wouldn’t appreciate it. You’d get complacent. The relationship would eventually fail.

Success in dating comes through struggle, growth, and change.

Why Struggle is Essential for Growth

Think about training for a marathon or a CrossFit event. The repetition is monotonous: run after run, rep after rep. But it builds the discipline and courage you need to succeed.

The same applies to dating. Each approach, each rejection, each new conversation is part of the repetition. It transforms you into someone who can actually attract and maintain the relationship you want.

You must go through the discomfort. You must face the murky waters, the setbacks, and the moments where you want to quit. But every time you push forward, you become stronger.

When you finally meet the right woman and build the relationship you desire, it won’t be by luck. It will be because you earned it.

Why Direction Matters in Dating

If you enter the chaos of dating without a clear goal, you’ll quickly get lost. You’ll end up being pulled in different directions by friends, social pressures, or society’s expectations.

Having a goal protects you from drifting. It gives you a compass. Without it, you may end up in a situation you never wanted and struggle to escape.

That’s why the next step is answering three specific questions. These will shape your personal vision of an ideal dating life.

Question 1: Your Physical Environment

The first question is simple but powerful:

Where would you like to meet women?

Think about the physical environment that feels most authentic to you. Is it a jazz club, a dance class, a gallery, a bookshop, a café, a university campus, or while traveling abroad? Would you prefer meeting women on the street, on a plane, or even at the gym?

Be brutally honest with yourself. Many people skip this honesty and end up drifting into environments that don’t suit them. For example, some men say they’re happy meeting women in nightclubs, but deep down they’d rather meet someone in a quieter, more personal setting.

Take time to visualize the physical environment where you feel most comfortable and alive. This creates the internal landscape for your ideal dating life.

Question 2: Your Social Setting

Once you know where, the next step is who.

What type of woman do you actually want to date?

Is she creative, ambitious, empathetic, or adventurous? Does she speak multiple languages, love to travel, or enjoy art and culture? Is she family-oriented? Does she want children? Does she respect you?

What about age? This is where many clients hesitate. A man in his 40s may first say he wants to date someone in her 30s. But after being honest, he admits he wants a partner in her mid-20s. Honesty matters here. Don’t filter your desires to sound “appropriate.” Define what you truly want.

Drill it down to specifics. The clearer you are about the type of woman you want, the easier it will be to recognize her when she enters your life. Clarity in your social setting makes a profound difference in creating your ideal dating life.

Question 3: The Emotional and Cultural Atmosphere

Finally, ask yourself what kind of relationship you want.

Do you want short-term dating, casual hookups, or a polyamorous arrangement? Or do you want a serious relationship, marriage, and family?

Write it down. The act of writing transforms ideas into tangible goals. Review it daily and refine it.

Be specific. What are her values? How does she treat others? What emotional atmosphere do you want to experience daily?

Your three guiding questions are:

Your physical environment
Your social setting
The emotional and cultural atmosphere

Together, these questions form the blueprint for your ideal dating life.

Why Writing Down Your Ideal Dating Life Works

There is an old saying: what gets written gets done. Writing down your vision is like engraving it into your future.

Look at your notes every day for the next week. Add more detail each time. Visualize her hair, her eyes, her style, even her family background. The tighter and clearer your vision, the closer you move to your ideal dating life.

This isn’t fantasy. It’s about direction. When you know exactly what you want, you stop wasting energy on what you don’t want.

The Hero’s Journey of Dating

By writing these goals, you create a catalyst for transformation. This is the start of your journey.

In mythology, the hero often refuses the call at first. But eventually, a mentor appears and sets him on his path. In this journey, I can be that mentor for you.

I won’t lie. The path is not easy. You will stumble, face rejection, and feel moments of defeat. But as long as you keep moving forward, you will arrive at your destination.

The most important lesson is this: do not stop.

Even slow progress is progress. If you keep moving, you will reach the other side.

Developing New Skills Along the Way

On this journey, you will have to develop new skills. You will have to give up habits and patterns that don’t serve you. At times, you will feel lost. But those moments of struggle are what bring breakthroughs.

It’s often when you are about to give up that you find your “Excalibur” — the tool, insight, or experience that changes everything. That is the moment you transform into the man who earns his ideal dating life.