The Difference Between Attraction and Approval in Dating
Most men confuse attraction with approval.
They believe that if a woman likes them, agrees with them, and feels comfortable around them, attraction will naturally follow.
It does not.
Approval feels safe.
Attraction feels alive.
Understanding the difference between the two is one of the most important shifts a man can make in his dating life.
What Approval Actually Is
Approval is about being accepted.
It is created by being agreeable, polite, accommodating, and emotionally safe.
Approval is comfortable.
It reduces friction and avoids discomfort.
Men who seek approval often prioritise being liked over being respected or felt.
Approval keeps interactions smooth.
It does not create desire.
What Attraction Actually Is
Attraction is emotional engagement.
It is created through polarity, emotional movement, and presence.
Attraction involves tension, curiosity, and emotional depth.
Where approval seeks comfort, attraction involves risk.
Where approval avoids disruption, attraction thrives on it.
Attraction makes a woman feel something.
Why Men Default to Seeking Approval
Men seek approval because it feels safer than attraction.
Approval avoids rejection.
Approval avoids emotional exposure.
Approval avoids vulnerability.
But safety alone does not create desire.
This is why many men are liked, trusted, and appreciated but not desired.
Why Approval Kills Attraction
Approval collapses polarity.
When you constantly adapt to her reactions, agree with everything, and avoid asserting yourself, emotional contrast disappears.
Without contrast, attraction fades.
Attraction requires difference, direction, and emotional leadership.
How Attraction Is Built Without Losing Respect
Many men fear that creating attraction means being rude or dominant.
It does not.
Attraction is built through:
Expressing opinions calmly
Holding boundaries
Leading interactions
Allowing disagreement
Creating emotional movement
This creates respect and attraction simultaneously.
Why Boundaries Create Attraction, Not Distance
Boundaries are one of the clearest distinctions between approval and attraction.
A man who never says no communicates approval-seeking.
A man who sets limits calmly communicates self-respect.
Women are drawn to men who respect themselves because it signals emotional stability.
How Men Can Shift From Approval to Attraction
You shift by:
Prioritising self-expression over pleasing
Leading instead of reacting
Allowing discomfort
Holding your position
Creating emotional engagement
This does not make you less kind.
It makes you more grounded.
Why This Shift Changes Everything
When you stop chasing approval, your behaviour becomes more relaxed.
You speak more freely.
You lead more naturally.
You become less attached to outcomes.
This is when attraction begins to appear consistently.
Why Guidance Accelerates This Shift
Most men intellectually understand this but struggle emotionally.
They fear losing approval.
With real-world feedback and exposure, this fear dissolves quickly.
Attraction becomes easier when approval is no longer the goal.
Final Thoughts on Attraction vs Approval
Approval makes you safe.
Attraction makes you desired.
The way I coach men is simple. We remove approval-seeking and train emotional leadership so attraction can emerge naturally.
You do not lose kindness when you stop seeking approval.
You gain presence.
Written by Gary Gunn
I coach men to build real self-confidence so they can meet, attract and date the women they truly desire.
My coaching is practical, real-world and focused on lasting behavioural change.
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