Why Learning How to Respect Yourself as a Man Changes Everything

Written by dating coach for men Gary Gunn - Founder of Social Attraction

29 July 2025

Instead of asking, “How do I attract her?” ask yourself, “How do I respect myself?” The two are completely linked. When you raise your self-respect, it changes how women respond to you. In this post, I’m going to explain how to respect yourself as a man, and why doing so will improve every part of your dating life.

My name is Gary Gunn. I’ve been a professional dating coach for 17 years. What I’m going to share has been tested in the real world with real results. Not only does it work, but it will also make you feel better about who you are.

A Real-World Example of Self-Respect in Action

I hire some of the most beautiful women on the planet to work on my dating courses. This is because a lot of men are anxious around attractive women. So I place these men in real-world scenarios where they can develop dating confidence.

When I’m running these courses, I’m not chasing outcomes. I’m leading. I’m focused. And something interesting happens. Some of these women are drawn to me. They’ll start texting me random stuff. Things like, “I was at this event last night” and then they’ll include a photo. But what’s in that photo? Always one of them looking amazing in a nice dress.

The subtext is clear. They want me to see them looking good. They want to stay in my mind.

Self-Respect Affects How You Respond

Now here’s the key difference. A guy without self-respect would jump on this opportunity. He’d reply with, “Wow, you look incredible,” or “Love that dress.” But me? I’m not impressed by that. I don’t chase. I reply to what interests me.

If there’s an unusual food in the picture, I might ask, “That food looks amazing. What is it? Is it traditional?” I engage with what I care about.

When you know how to respect yourself as a man, you don’t damage your soul by chasing. You don’t shift out of your center just to win a woman’s approval. And when you stay centered, people come to you.

What the Mandala Can Teach You About Centering Yourself

There’s an ancient symbol that’s been around since the beginning of time. It’s called a mandala. You’ve probably seen one before. A lot of people wear them as necklaces, earrings, or tattoos. But most don’t know what it actually means.

The mandala represents the self. It’s a circular symbol that radiates outward from a central point. The reason this matters is that when you move from your center — when you chase money, women, or status — your whole life gets stretched and pulled out of alignment.

When you stay centered, your life works. When you chase, you become scattered.

Carl Jung, a world-renowned psychotherapist, used to get his patients to draw mandalas. He believed it helped them access parts of themselves they didn’t consciously understand. You can try this yourself. Draw a mandala representing your life when you’re centered. Then draw what happens when you start chasing women. You’ll see the difference.

Turning Down Attractive Women Builds Self-Respect

If you want to know how to respect yourself as a man, one of the most powerful things you can do is say no to an attractive woman. At some point in your journey, you’ll meet someone you find physically irresistible, but you’ll know deep down there’s no real connection.

The old version of you would have done anything to hook up with her. The new you pauses and says, “This isn’t actually what I want.”

Saying no to an attractive woman when sex is on the table can be the most empowering decision you make. Why? Because you’re no longer led by impulse. You’re led by purpose. You’re valuing your energy, your time, and your direction in life over a short-term distraction.

You Exchange Energy During Intimacy

A lot of people don’t think about this. When you sleep with someone, it’s not just physical. It’s emotional. There’s an energy exchange. If a woman is chaotic and you sleep with her, you take on that energy. And if you’re calm and she’s chaotic, she takes some of your calm.

The question is, do you want to share your energy with someone who doesn’t match your growth? When you respect yourself, the answer becomes clear. You only share with people who add value to your life.

A Client Story About Choosing Self-Respect Over Sex

One of my clients had a woman over who was clearly into him. She was making moves. He was in bed reading a book, and she was trying to get his attention. But he wasn’t feeling it. Instead of going along with it, he said, “I need to finish this. I’ve got work coming up.”

He turned her down. Later, he told me it was the most powerful moment of his life. Until that point, he had spent his whole life chasing women. That one moment of saying no changed everything. He respected himself more in that moment than ever before.

Why Respecting Yourself Matters More Than Attracting Women

If you’re serious about learning how to respect yourself as a man, you need to realize that self-confidence in dating isn’t about sleeping with lots of women. That’s not what builds long-term confidence. In fact, chasing that lifestyle will eventually dry up. And when it does, you’ll fall back into neediness, desperation, and try-hard behaviors.

The man who truly respects himself chooses the women he wants to be with. He is at the top of his own dating hierarchy. He’s not waiting around for women to reply or chasing validation. He’s already validated by who he is.

What If You’re Not There Yet?

You might be reading this and thinking, “That’s easy for you to say, but I’ve never dated anyone attractive.” And I hear you. That’s why my dating training always starts with helping you build the basics first — how to start conversations, meet more women, and grow your confidence step by step.

But once those foundations are in place, the next step is developing true self-respect. You have to ask yourself:

Am I someone I respect?
Do I like who I am when no one’s watching?
Would my younger self look up to me today?

These are the real questions that lead to long-term transformation.

Would You Be Your Own Hero?

One of the most powerful exercises I’ve ever come across is asking yourself: Would I be my own hero when I was a kid?

Would your younger self look up to you? If not, that’s not a reason to feel shame. It’s a wake-up call. It’s a sign that it’s time to make some bold changes in your life. And the great thing is, every decision you make from now can build towards becoming that version of yourself.

Make Big Changes to Change Your Life

Earlier today, one of my clients messaged me. He had listened to one of my podcast episodes about choice architecture. It’s the idea that you can design your life to increase the chances of success.

For example, leaving your running shoes by the door makes it more likely that you’ll go running. That’s a small change. But it leads to big results.

My client took this seriously. He’s now looking to sell his home and move into central London. Why? Because it brings more dating opportunities into his daily environment. That’s a bold move. He even asked me to come with him to view a property next week.

That’s what learning how to respect yourself as a man looks like. You stop waiting for life to change. You go out and make changes yourself.

Are You Respecting Yourself or Just Hustling?

You have to ask: Do I respect myself more when I make bold, forward-moving decisions? Or do I feel better spending hours on dating apps trying to persuade women to like me?

It’s a question only you can answer, but if you’re honest, the answer becomes clear. If you don’t meet enough women naturally, you fall into the trap of becoming desperate and try-hard.

That’s why my entire coaching system is built around abundance first — meeting enough women in real life — so that you’re no longer operating from scarcity.

Keep the Promises You Make to Yourself

One of the fastest ways to learn how to respect yourself as a man is to become a man of your word. If you say you’re going to do something, do it.

This is something I live by. If I tell myself I’m going to train in the morning, I train. If I say I’ll stop drinking coffee, I stop. The small decisions matter.

If your life isn’t moving in the direction you want, make the changes you need. Hire help. Invest in yourself.

I hired someone this morning. Just in the past year, I’ve hired a vocal coach, a physio, a personal trainer, and booked sessions with an EMDR therapist to explore deeper emotional work. And I’m already accredited in EMDR myself — but I still value an outside perspective.

Doing this makes me feel like I respect myself. Because I’m not just sitting around hoping things will change. I’m taking action.

Why Hiring Help Changes Your Life Instantly

I recorded another podcast called the Equilibrium Trap. In it, I explain that most people live at a certain level of balance — their equilibrium. Unless you make a significant change to your system, that balance stays the same.

That’s why hiring help matters. It disrupts your current state. It forces growth.

Even the act of investing in a coach can shift your mindset before you’ve even started the work. You’re saying, “I take this seriously. I value myself.”

Daily Habits That Build Long-Term Self-Respect

When I ask myself why I respect who I am today, here are some of the reasons:

I stopped drinking alcohol.
I stopped drinking caffeine.
I get up early.
I stretch.
I train.
I eat clean, healthy food.
I read or listen to audiobooks for 2–3 hours every day — and I’ve done this for over 17 years.
I trained in martial arts every day for 18 months to protect myself and those I care about.

These decisions compound. They build the foundation for long-term self-respect. I face hard moments in business and personal life. But I face them. I don’t hide. I don’t lie. I don’t run.

I live by principles that I believe are good for myself and for others. That’s what gives me the stability to stay grounded even on hard days.

Care About What You Offer to the World

Another reason I respect myself is because I genuinely care about my clients. And honestly, I’m not sure other coaches always do. I’ll give you a simple example.

I recently reached out to three vocal coaches. Only one of them replied to my message. Two were women and one was a man. None of them had any professional videos of them speaking on their websites, so I emailed to ask if they could send some over.

Only the man replied.

Now, I don’t want to generalize, but my experience has shown me that many people don’t want to be judged. Perhaps they’re not confident enough in their work or maybe it’s not their main profession. Either way, it surprised me.

That one reply told me everything I needed to know. That man had clearly worked hard for his success. He was open, responsive, and professional. That’s exactly the kind of person I want to work with.

That’s how I aim to be with my own clients. When someone hires me, even if they’ve bought a set course, I always give more. If we’re working on approaching women, I might also coach them on storytelling or presentation. I give more because I care. I want the people I work with to succeed.

That care and effort builds more self-respect. When I go to bed at night, I know I’ve done the right thing for my clients and myself.

Know What You’re Standing On

Self-respect is made up of pillars. They’re different for each man, but the idea is the same. What are you standing on when life gets tough?

What’s holding you steady when everything else feels chaotic?

For me, I stand on the books I’ve written, the digital products I’ve created, the daily habits I’ve followed for years. I stand on the value I give and the fact that I always try to do what’s right.

I don’t chase meaningless validation. I don’t chase women who aren’t aligned with me. I don’t damage my soul by stepping out of my center to impress someone.

How to Respect Yourself as a Man Starts With Small, Daily Decisions

There’s no shortcut to learning how to respect yourself as a man. It’s a process. A journey. And it starts with one decision at a time.

Wake up earlier. Stretch. Train. Eat better. Stop chasing people who don’t add value to your life. Say no to women you’re not connected to. Protect your energy. Focus on your goals.

Hire help if you need it. Create change by committing to growth. Make promises to yourself — and keep them.

The path to dating success is paved with self-respect. When you move from that center, your life moves in the right direction.

And the moment you stop asking how to attract her and start asking how to respect yourself — everything changes.